The Argy back to basics.

germanshepherdsmum I am the one and only original Doodle. Doodledog is an imposter. ?. Actually she’s a very nice poster and we have been on the same thread a few times but we are not the same person (not my alter ego) ?

Well you can certainly make yourself useful in the kitchen. Trust me our llamas are well able to look after themselves. Our girly llama Alarma is quite a drama Queen and now she is expecting even more so.
Look forward to seeing you on your next day out.

Happyme oh I knew that Wally would be your downfall. When he swept you up on his waltzer. Sounds as though gsdogsmum will be able to help. Perhaps we can organise something. Keeping an eye out for that Raven.

lemon it was a great evening for jet wasn’t it?
I thought old Dodders wouldn’t be sober for long. Hmm I see Lord Lemongrove is up to his old tricks again. Mind you that Flibbety is a flirty piece. I think she has ideas of taking over as lady of the manor.

Nice to see you back you old reprobates Happy and German ?

Am only just recovering from Friday night’s shindig ...jet we said we would do you proud and we did.

I would offer to help out here in the bar ( it’s a wreck! A sign of a good knees up) but matters at Lemongrove Manner have taken a worrying turn, Dodders has gone on a bender again and Lord L and our maid Flibbety are missing!? Am searching the grounds with the labradors.....

Oh, thank you for such a warm welcome. It’s more than I dared hope for. Doodle I didn’t realise you also have the moniker Doodledog. We do indeed have a canine connection. I am allowed to keep my dog here and she is wonderful at keeping me safe from unwanted advances, this being a mixed establishment, though the advances aren’t always from the men I fear. I don’t think I should bring her to the Argy on my occasional visits or you might lose some customers, though I am lead to believe that disposal of bodies might not be a problem for you? And of course they might be a tasty addition to those pasties. Or she could help keep those llamas under control if you still have them though I can’t guarantee they won’t end up in the pasties.

Back to business, I would be delighted to be an Argy scrubber and dishwasher. As I said it can only be occasionally and during the daytime whilst I continue to please HM. A pint of poteen would be a most excellent reward for a day’s slavery but you’d better water it down if I’m to get back sober.

As to why I am here ... Well behind the downfall of every woman there lies a man. I am no exception. During a long and illustrious career in the law (I am known for my modesty) I was swept off my feet by a Russian oligarch. He wined and dined me at the finest establishments (this would have included the Argy had we known of it then). He took me on exotic holidays (by coincidence Sarfend featured amongst the top destinations we visited) and showered me with jewels. However it turned out he only wanted me for my client account to launder his dirty rubles. Fortunately my defence of insanity worked so here I am for an indefinite stay at one of HM’s finest secure boarding houses. I’m sure you will understand how easy it was to be blind to the swine’s ulterior motives. I assure you that I didn’t have my fingers in the till so the Argy’s takings are safe. I must be on the path to release now I am allowed privileges but must keep my outings to the Argy secret from the screws (why they’re called that I don’t know, you certainly wouldn’t want to) or my sanity may be called into question again.

Now I must be off to my lav cleaning. If help is needed doing a spring from the Tower I’m certain some of my friends here (the dog ensures they are friendly) could assist. I will ask around. Now must fly or I’ll be on extra mailbags. Have to be all present and correct with bleach and bog brush at 9.00 prompt.

Not sure Doodle, what is the usual sentence for treason ?. I was arrested with that gorgeous David Essex lookalike aka Wally from the waltzer at Sarfend, he was done for getting ideas above his station and impersonating the Earl of Essex. Ooh he looked lovely in ermine!!!! Got sprung by his friends in high places.......think it was Helga from the helter skelter.

Hi to my fellow inmate Germanshepherdsmum, any chance that you know someone that could organise an escape party. Bert is very nice but am fed up with his ruff and can't get to grips with his codpiece. Missing the Llamas and AGA's poteen. Doodle surely the Argy isn't short of scrubbers???

Please keep an eye out for a strange bird carrying messages....no not Lemsip doing her mystic meg bit....it will be my pet raven, he'll do anything for a tasty morsel so be sure to give him one of muse's pasties.

Not the Admiral brook. Wait till they’ve settled before you introduce him. You know what he’s like with the ladies. ?

Oooh happyme and germanshepherdsmum may I add my very warm welcome to you both
I’d love to see you in the Argy anytime you can and I’ll introduce you to some of our regulars …you’ll be sure to have a great time ?

germanshepherdsmum, as you know, we have a common bond in that I am germanshepherdsgreatgrandma. I feel that under the circumstances that may be enough to allow you to visit the Argy on parole your days out.
Our toilets are of an exceptional standard so we don’t just let anyone clean them. We do however have a vacancy for scullery maid. We serve the highest quality cuisine here. Our pasties are delivered by muse and and we also serve a variety of locally sourced produce (depending on what gets thrown in the bins during the week)
If you would be happy to wash the dishes and do some scrubbing when required I’m sure we could arrange payment in kind (pint of poteen at the end of the day).
Now as ixion said…wot you bin in for? ?

Ooh, go on - what did you do??

Dear Doodle, you seemed very welcoming to Happyme, though I realise you already know each other, so I have dared to contact you from my present abode. I am living here at Her Majesty’s pleasure though I’m not sure what pleasure she gets from the arrangement as she has never visited me and I have been here an awfully long time.
I often passed the Argy when out with a warder (we call them screws) on supervised day release but always in the daytime. I have recently been allowed an iPad which is a marvellous thing, I expect you have had one for years, and I have been able to read about the wonderful times you all have. What I wouldn’t give to have seen Sting with his golden bum! However best not to dwell on regrets ... I have just been granted unsupervised day release and can’t tell you how excited I am. Would you allow me to visit the Argy? I will completely understand if you think my current situation would lower the tone (though forgive me for saying I’m not sure that is possible). I’m afraid the little money I earn from sewing mailbags (oh, it is so hard on my poor fingers) would not stretch to a pint of your wonderful poteen (I slaver just thinking of it), however I could offer some light housework in exchange (please don’t make me do the lavs, I do it here and it’s just too horrid). Also, I know some people here who might be useful to you though I know you have sold your AB12 business. They are from both sides of the fence if you get my drift, some often mention someone who says JJM & the WD and Haitch for example. My posts on here are not monitored as I am now considered ‘a trusty’ (haha) but nevertheless I must be discreet or these privileges may be withdrawn. Please let me know soonest if we might come to an arrangement. It must be during the daytime only as I have to be back here (sober) by 6pm. I am happy to disclose to you, in strictest confidence, the reason for my current predicament. I look forward to your reply and am braced for the worst.

Trust you to be locked up with a beefeater Happyme.
Sorry you missed last night. I think jet would have been pleased with all the singing. When do you get let out?

Hello all Argy Bargers!! Sending this message by pigeon post.....well raven actually. Been stuck here in the Tower since our charrabang darn sarf. Got myself arrested didn't I, charged with Treason ....and me the owner of 3 coronation mugs . Something to do with torture by waffle iron. Anyway not too bad here, the food is good, I have my own room with a lovely river view and best of all the full attention of Bert the Beefeater......I love a man in uniform and sooo manly , must be all that beef .
I was so sorry tho to miss the party last night, I wondered what all that noise was???. Heard you had a great send off for grandmajet, off on an adventure with Cheerful Charlie I believe. I will miss her enormously but so glad I 'knew' her, if only for a short time. I so admired her quick wit, irrepressible humour, sensible advice (on other threads obv.....nothing sensible in the Argy!!) and stoicism. Hope she took Aga's poteen recipe with her.

Night brook. Yes a lovely night of happy memories. Sleep tight all.

I’m just on my way out now Doodle thanks for waiting
Night night everyone and thank you for a lovely evening
Definitely a night to remember ?

brook are you still here? I might lock up in a minute. I think I’ll snooze on the sofa tonight.

Yes ixion a special night for a very special lady. Jet will always be one of us. Sleep tight ?

Grandmabatty just remember that police man has to be on duty again tomorrow……… be gentle with him ?
Night night lemon. I’ll get Thor to bring you coffee in the morning. Sleep well.

I think that was a good bash doodle.
I hope that Jet's daughter will pop in (and find us here too) sometime to see us.
We must sort through the dressing up box too, that she left..
I'm off now, replete with fish, chips and happy memories.
?

Night night Grandmafrench and all. I'm off to follow the police man and see where we end up. Evening all, to copy dear Urm. I'll take my pint of Guinness with me.

Nighty night all, am staggering off to the cellar, Lord L locks me out if I go home after 10pm! I shall sleep on top of the llamas.

Ooh, lemon you do sound almost past help!! A pint of Alka Seltzer and a little lie down sounds like the best plan. I worry that you've reached the stage when you're likely to confuse dinosaur-type beings with my pushbike. Doesn't sound good, so try to take it easy and avoid any sudden movements until you regain your equilibrium (or whatever normally keeps you upright!)

Night night Grandmafrench sleep well.

I wondered what had happened to you brook . Have some chips to soak up the alcohol.
Ooh look the Admirals turned up at last. I think he fell down the cellar steps earlier and has just managed to crawl out. He can’t take his drink like he used to.

Have you just spotted what a wonderful anaesthetic the booze can be, muse? I'm aware that you are a bit more mobile - or at least not any worse, which is a blessing.
It occurred to me that soop who is an Argy regular and (according to Doodle) has a reputation which goes ahead of her - especially concerning dubious foodstuffs.....is missing a lovely knees up. That'll teach her to go off on fancy holidays in the Highlands. Maybe she's been able to have her own knees up, though, along with some wonderful weather. Do hope so. They both deserve a break.

You must be psychic since my velocipede was actually by the bins - our own bins - today when my DH wanted the extra space in the garage. It's not had any exercise, just a wash and brush up and is back in the garage again now. Too hot for pedalling about, I think.

So pleased all the Argy Gang have had a great time this evening, kicking back and misbehaving - something they do so very well. Sleep well everyone, and put the mop somewhere to dry out, Doodle and turn off all the lights please before you stagger off home. Night night.

A velocopide? ? They’re dangerous! And I thought they were extinct?

I had a pint of winkles with my chips, put too much vinegar on them and now they’re clashing with the pint of poteen, urrrrgh ?

Hi GrandmaFrench. Just nipped back in. Saw your velocopide by the bins. Good to see you. Must dash hobble. Must say the poteen tonight did wonders for my aches and pains.