Time to move on from job

What an awful place to work. You're being undermined, not valued or respected for growing business on difficult times.

I don't know the sector you're in, has it been hit by covid and will this affect your job search?

I think your plan is a good one Espee. I have plenty of leave to take too. Just to be add the 3 directors own the business equally, there are 10 of us in total in the company.

@justwokeup Things preventing me from resigning at the moment - a mistaken belief that he will change, even though the reality is it’s getting worse since I’ve tried to address it; the fact that our customers hold me in such high regard and the work is interesting. It’s close to my home. Fear of job hunting in my 50s. Burying my head in the sand and being too passive up to now. However I want to address it, hence starting this thread and attempting to address it directly with him. The way that has gone so far is convincing me that leaving is rapidly becoming the best option. For example he got my colleague to tell me that one of my staff will be reporting to him in future (or perhaps he told said colleague to say nothing, whatever - a decision has clearly been made without my involvement). All of which leads me to believe there’s a plan in place to significantly reduce my role. Simply put, we are on completely different wavelengths, don’t see eye to eye on anything and my dealings with him leave me feeling frustrated and stressed. Which makes me really sad and angry after everything I’ve done for the company- I joined just after it started and have built up the customer base and processes and procedures while delivering outstanding service.

Personally I would resign giving more than the statutory period and begin to do less whilst applying for other positions.

I would make it clear to the other directors why you cannot continue and perhaps your boss will be moved and you won’t have to leave.

There are 3 directors in the company. I reported to a different one when I started whose attitude was I don’t care how you do things as long as you get results and left me to get on with it. Then just before the first lockdown they changed the structure so I report to another director. Then most staff were furloughed and it was just about the company surviving. Me and another member of staff did everything more or less on my own. Now we are coming out of lockdown and it’s about building up the company and structured, it’s clear there’s a personality clash, he doesn’t like the way I do things or run my team, constantly questions the way I do things, even though I get great results. I have no formal job description, performance review, training plan or bonus targets, yet he has these in minute detail for my team. He has criticised me in the past for things like getting too many personal mentions (very positive ones I should add!) in our customer surveys as it could make my staff feel bad.

We are a service organisation and I put in a massive amount of overtime yet I got a 20 minute phone call yesterday criticising me for asking a member of the team to do a 10-minute job that could only be done out of hours. He said they shouldn’t have to do any overtime in case they leave.

He holds me to much higher standards than anyone else.

He criticised me about calling him into a meeting to make him aware of some issues with one of his customers yet another time criticised me for not telling him about another customer issue and hiding things from him. It was a minor point that I had addressed and didn’t think he needed to be bothered with.

He called out a member of my team on their time keeping (quite brutally) in front of 3 other members of staff and yet said I would be responsible if this same person left because I’d asked him to do a 10-minute task out of hours,

When I’ve tried to address his approach (think using a sledgehammer to crack a nut), to trust me to get on with things and not micro-manage me, he has only ramped things up. Yet other times he will say I trust you to make decisions - well clearly you don’t because you question most of them!

The more I type the more I realise he’s trying to erode my confidence, get me doubting myself, he’s gaslighting me. Perhaps it’s my age as my average-performing staff members are 30 years younger and yet he thinks they are amazing, perhaps it’s because I do an outstanding job with our customers and he feels threatened, perhaps it’s because he doesn’t think I’ll leave and I also think it’s because I’m a woman.

I guess I could speak to one of the other 2 directors but they are around so little I’m not sure what difference it would make. However these other 2 can’t speak highly enough of me.

I’m exhausted with it all. Hence being awake since 6am and once in the night because of it all.

If you feel financially able to walk away then you have nothing to lose by directly addressing things with your boss. Why not try that first?

I would leave. It is not good for your disposition to remain somewhere where you feel unvalued. Blow the lot of them, they don’t deserve you.

I don’t have time in this role to job hunt
I meant to add, if you are determined to leave this job why wouldn't you make the time to job hunt?

I just need the courage to do it in a professional way before I end up doing it on the spot after he pushes me too far.
You seem to want the decision to be taken from you. If you are going to resign write a brief, polite letter giving the required amount of notice. You don't need to give anyone a reason. However, I agree with CafeAuLait that you should ask to see your boss, prepare your grievance and discuss the matter calmly. But as you have issues with the whole management team perhaps you are looking for reasons to resign? Are you clear about how long you can cope financially without a job? If it's not too long, complete applications while you are working, it does get easier and quicker the more you do. Many people are looking for work in the current climate so, instead of being pushed into making a hasty decision, try to clarify what you direction you want to take.

Yes of course but it could take months.

Surely you could do a few job applications in the evenings, or whenever you are not at work.

Haha, yes I know. I just need the courage to do it in a professional way before I end up doing it on the spot after he pushes me too far.

Fantasising about resigning daily isn't a good way to live.

Thank you so much for replying. We are a very small team so there is no HR. The only thing keeping me sane is I love (most) of the work and am good at it and get great customer feedback. Other than that I fantasise about resigning daily!

If you otherwise like your job, can you address the issue with your boss? Or HR? Is it workplace bullying? Alternatively you are free to look for another job.

You are financially secure and your job and your boss are making you miserable? LEAVE!

Life is not a dress rehearsal and there's no merit in being unhappy for the sake of it.

I know whereof I speak: at the age of 57 I left a job I had previously loved but which new corporate policy had changed completely. I was secure enough to take my time over job hunting but, in fact, I never went back to paid employment because I discovered how much more I enjoyed life doing the things I had long wanted to do, even with a slightly reduced standard of living. (In fact, by the time I took account of the costs I no longer had - travel costs, work clothes and dry cleaning, after-work socialising, etc - the hit was not huge.)

Whether you seek another job, take up voluntary work, write novels or retrain into another field entirely, go for it and do something that makes you happy.