Being a Nanna

I know how you feel Barberty - it’s an all consuming love - I think it’s because parenting isn’t easy - of course I loved my own but it was very hard work. With my grandchildren it was just instant love.

My DGD’s are an absolute joy to me and I love them with all of my heart but my own DC will always be the ones that hold a very special place in my heart and the love I have for them is stronger. I have to confess I favour my DD’s 2 girls possibly because she has raised them like I raised her but all of them are loving caring individuals that have given DH and I many happy times so I consider myself very lucky.

rowyn I agree. It doesn't mean that you do not love your DGC. When DGC last came to visit DGD insisted we had a day out together, just the two of us. We had a lovely day. DGS had a special day out with DGF.

Absolutely. I am with you there.

I have been on the ceiling since my Granddaughter was born 14 years ago. The love I have for her sometimes overwhelms me. She and I have a lovely connection. Lots of humour and silliness but also a deep understanding.

She makes sense of life for me.

Your not alone as I said to someone just yesterday who is due to be a grandparent any day now. I never thought I could love anyone as much has I do my sons, but when my grandkids came along that’s a whole new love. I’m so proud of them and worry about them. My sons keep saying stop fretting mum. But it’s hard not to. lol I’ve got 5 grandkids one is a step grandson. I always say to my grandkids love you too the moon and back and the bigger ones say it back. Obviously not the step grandson doesn’t. My oldest granddaughter is 10

This w ill sound harsh but I think that's an unhealthy and over controlling obsession , and I feel sorry for the parents.
At the same time, I apologise if I've hurt your feelings,but you have asked for our opinions.

I adore my 4 Grandchildren but its not obsessive. I know when to step back.

Perhaps it makes a difference if we have played a major role in looking after a grandchild. I have one who lives with me and I spend more time with him than his mum can. Another of my GC I looked after from the age of 8 months, long days from 7 until 5.30. I grieved for that GC when he went to school and I no longer had more than fleeting visits. I know I will be devastated when my live-in GC and mum move on. Those two will be dearest to my heart along with my 3 ACs, I just have a normal granny relationship with all my other GCs. I love them, love to see them and do everything I can for them but it’s not the same.

I love my DGC but not as much as my DSs no . It’s a different kind of relationship isn’t it? I think I always thought I’d be a more involved GM perhaps due to covid or being the paternal side I’m not sure but We’re only quite light touch - meeting from school once a week, occasionally babysitting when it’s getting on for bedtime kind of GPs !

I love my daughters immensely and I now have a lovely seven month old grandson who makes my heart burst whenever I see him on WhatsApp. I haven’t seen either of my daughters for 19 months and have never met my grandson in person as they are all in Australia and I am in the U.K.
They say absence makes the heart grow stronger and I am not sure if that is true, but I know my heart aches for them.

YES Barberty, I feel exactly that. My daughter is a wonderful mother and gave me as much of the grandchildren's time as she was able. Not always to babysit but for weekends and time in the holiday. And th delight was when my grandson was young if he hadn't seen me for a week or so he'd telephone and complain! I agree I felt like they were mine and could never have too much of them. Even when they eldest first and then the younger went to university I suffered as much empty next syndrome as my daughter did.

My children are the dearest things in life to me, but the love I have for my GC is also so strong that I know I would die for them. It is a different love, but they are the children of my children and consequently are part of me and mean more than I thought possible.

Yes, I feel like this- more than my daughter.
But, I was there for her birth and she lived at home where I did all the nightfeeds and shouted at my daughter to get up and take over. (She was low birth weight)
Long story short, she came to live with me at the beginning of lockdown and has lived with me 16months.
She is 3 this week and I'm her special guardian.
I have far more love for her than my own daughter, I suppose I have gotten more maternal as I have grown older.
But gosh I'm exhausted!

Sometimes I feel like that but my children are my deepest loves.

No. I love them dearly but it doesn’t have same bond as I have for my own children whom I gave birth to.

god yeh , i adore my grandkids so much, never felt love like it, thought the love i had for my kids couldnt be beat but i agree the love is overwhelming

I love my grandchildren, but my daughter has my deepest love,, she’s my child,

Chewbacca

I love having my GC come to visit me; we always have lots of fun and do interesting things together that their parents don't have the time to do with them. But I love it when I'm waving them goodbye!

Exactly that!

I love having my GC come to visit me; we always have lots of fun and do interesting things together that their parents don't have the time to do with them. But I love it when I'm waving them goodbye!

I actually feel sorry for all these grandmothers whose whole lives centre round their grandchildren, to the exclusion of everything else.

It seems to me they do this because they have little else in their lives to be wrapped up in.

I have always been fortunate to have always had other interests in my life that I kept doing when my children were small, but in an attenuated fashion, but can now devote more time and effort to. It has been a godsend because our graandchildren live too far away for us to have day to day involvement. We see them regularly (or we did before COVID).

I always do my best to look after my GC according to my children’s rules wish but my dd makes it quite difficult. I ask her what she wants me to do regarding XYZ with her DD but she always replies ‘Just do what you think best - you brought me up and I turned out alright!’ ?

i read MN too, and one of the recurring themes is the over-invested GM, usually, but not always a MIL.
the mothers do indeed see it as creepy, to say the least, and the clashing expectations can cause much angst to new parents.

A woman after my own heart, ,Hetty

Barberty, I love my grandchildren, like to see them, but no, I'm not 'in love' and have no wish to look after them either.

They can come and stay, of course, (when old enough) for a few days but there's no special treatments, outings or trips.

They can join in with what I'm doing - or just amuse themselves. My daughter says I'm like the grandmother in 'Motherland' ('Will you babysit?' 'No' 'Unbelieveable!')

Exactly how I feel Grammaretto