Calls from your adult children

Good post geekesse. My family are fairly local so they don't feel the need to phone. One son lives with us and I see my daughter regularly as she is not well and the other son with four children pops in or phones once a month. I don't like the phone so would not welcome daily phone calls.

DS phones once a week, DD once in a blue moon. Obviously more frequently when something's up!

One daughter rings roughly once a week but the other lives close by so we see her about twice a week.

Daughter 2 rings once, maybe twice a week, daughter 3 a few times a week, plus visits once, sometimes twice. Eldest son rings maybe twice a month, but visits a few times, youngest son rings once every few weeks to check that we`re alright, lives about a 5 minute drive away, but we hardly ever see him.

kittylester

I think that it is wrong to assume that our children don't have full and busy lives if they call us often. We also have full and busy lives - we just happen to like each other.

I agree Kitty
Our 3 DDs and their families have busy lives and plenty of friends as do we.
However we are all in touch /visit / holiday together regularly .
We consider ourselves very lucky.

kittylester

I think that it is wrong to assume that our children don't have full and busy lives if they call us often. We also have full and busy lives - we just happen to like each other.

My post started “I love my kids, their partners and children”.

However, we don’t need the ‘apron strings’ of constant phone calls, texts and messages to demonstrate our mutual affection.

We’re in touch most days via a group chat and we Facetime or Zoom each other every couple of weeks. Phone calls are rare. One of them sometimes goes under the radar completely for some weeks. If his name is mentioned on a group chat he reappears.

We’re currently away and seemingly he called our house phone this evening and was most indignant that we weren’t in, demanding of his siblings to know where we were. ??

Call me jealous, but when do these young busy mums/dads find the time to ring their mothers ? Yes, I do hear from my daughter a couple of times a week, and it’s usually to ask for a recipe, or to pass on some of her old stuff on to me - today it was a big self opening dustbin ?- oh yes and she loves to gossip, but I don’t encourage it because it’s usually about her sisters in law - they have a love-hate relationship.
As for my sons, they never ring for a chat - all communication is via their wives. That’s the best way , in my opinion. Ofcourse, when we visit, I have lovely conversations but not on the phone.

And btw, I am on my own ?

We see each other at least once a fortnight, have a Zoom family quiz weekly and stay on to chat for ages, then keep in touch between times by WhatsApp. Our family group is updated every day with short messages, news, photos and banter, and we message each other directly with questions, to arrange separate meet ups etc. Phone calls for us are usually just for emergencies, though we spoke more often during lockdowns when we couldn’t meet in person.

Ringing your mum just for a chat when you know she’s out with friends comes over as a bit needy, if not plain rude.

I ring DD in Australia once a week, we message on Facebook if anything vital crops up in between, not very often.

DS and family live a few minutes walk away from us. When the GC were younger and I picked them up from school twice a week, we saw DS then when he collected them.

Now they are older, we can go two or three weeks without hearing from him. Then an occasional phone call.

It doesn’t worry me, I always assume no news is good news. He would ring if he needed us, as we would vice versa.

Cannot imagine why anyone needs or wants to chat several times a day with AC, but whatever, I certainly think it unnecessary when they know you are out visiting,

MissAdventure

I think its rude to phone when you know someone is out for a visit.

Yes, I agree, it is rude, not only on the part of the daughter who most probably knew her Mum was visiting the OP but also 'the Mum' who took the call. Why not divert the call?

We have a WhatsApp group with DD’s family and a separate one with DS’s. He will phone every couple of weeks for a chat, but is always WhatsApping jokes, cartoons, photos of his latest projects and interesting bits of this and that. DD hardly every phones unless she needs something - we share an antipathy for phone calls - but we see them often anyway because they live quite near us whereas DS doesn’t.

Once a week video call with DS1, dil and gc, and once a month video call with both sons, dil and gc.
Ds2 is more sporadic in his calls as he is on tinder dates looking for miss right!

Yes I think it’s rude too I’d find it very distracting if anyone called while I was out. We have friends though that we regularly spend the day with, their two AD more often than not phone them through the day, as well as messages, it gets in my nerves to be honest, totally OTT.
I hear from my two probably about once a week, to me no news is good news. Phone my mum everyday, as she is on her own and very elderly and frail, but I struggle to find things to talk about. She phones my children about twice a week each, and can’t understand me not hearing from them every day. She says I don’t care but that’s a whole other story ?

One son messages and phones every day. Another son messages and phones perhaps once a week. Daughter, I see, when in Essex, two or three times a week for coffee before she goes to work, and sends messages quite often.Family WhatsApp group is active most days, with news, jokes, funny videos. GC join in when they have a break from messaging their friends ??. I don’t mind if I don’t hear - they all have busy working/family lives.

I know what you mean OP. I talk to my DD about 3x a week. DS once a week. But I had a friend whose DDs rang her several times a day. I was astonished. Seemed very intrusive and over close to me. Even if they were on hol abroad they’d still call or she’d call them. Wouldn’t suit me. I love them to bits but we all have our own lives. I’d feel suffocated.

I have two sons. One calls regularly, usually while he is commuting, and we chat away nonsensically. Fun. The other one is completely 'business' orientated and usually calls only when he wants something. Now, that 'want' can be a date for dinner (lovely!) but he does the matter of fact and is gone. Weird. Seems that small talk is not his thing. Don't understand it myself but there y' go. This silent wonder sometimes sends a text with simply two kisses. I assume this to mean I crossed his mind?! It's fascinating how different we all are. The very thought of my two flips my heart immensely and I am daily amazed by how different they are in almost every aspect. However I do know they are both mine as I was there at the event!

We don't phone each other. It takes no time to send a quick message/photo/cartoon but keeps us connected because we want to. There are no apron strings.

Absolutely no set routine !

I had a very close friend (long since dead now), but she used to be virtually fixed to her phone, with her AC telephoning her several times each day, no matter what else she was doing. I found it very rude, that whilst she was visiting or out with me, she spent so much time just chatting on the 'phone, and told her so.

My children keep in touch with me as and when needed. Have dropped into the habit of having a weekly catch-up chat with my eldest daughter, but the others usually speak to on the 'phone, maybe about every two or three weeks. If something happens, good or bad, they will contact me or me then, but they all have very busy lives and I know that 'no news is good news'!!!

Strangely enough. my friends AC did not respect her at all - some of the language used to her by her eldest son would have received a slap round the mouth from me (when he was doing this and I was there, he actually apologised to me).

So, the were not ringing so often because of care or love, but to prevent her having a sulk if they did not.

When not living locally, daughter and I usually message everyday. Rarely, it'll be every other day. We usually only talk once a week or so, UNLESS there is a problem, then she will regale me frequently, until I am more stressed than her.

I get the occasional messenger message and we have a family WhatsApp but I would be concerned if they were on the phone to me every day.

Geekesse. Nothing to do with ‘apron strings’. We are all free to do and be with whatever and whoever we want.
We support each other but don’t interfere. I’m sure there are plenty of things my family do that I don’t hear about and don’t expect to.
Our three DDs are best of friends ( most of the time) but also each have a circle of their own friends other family members.

Son about twice a week. Daughter lives alone and it varies, when life is running smoothly, again about twice a week, but throughout June, for example, it was at least once a day, because she was job hunting and there seemed to be an event a day. Since she was offered and accepted a new job, we are back to a couple of times a week. No doubt when she starts the job we will get daily phone calls for the first week.

I have brought my children up and launched them into the world and they are journeying through it successfully. I have a busy life of my own. I do not want them contacting me all day and every day. We are always available in a crisis, like when DD was job hunting, she had been furloughed in February for a month and not yet got back to work and obviously worried about the whole situation and finding more secure employment, so, as she is living alone, she unburdened on us and we were there for her.

kittylester it doesn't follow that because we are not always rining each other that we do not like each other.