Calls from your adult children

As long as we are all happy with contact, that is all that matters.

When my parents were alive I rang them once a week, no mobile phones then and phone calls were expensive,

After my mother died, both my sister and myself began ringing home more frequently, but six weeks after being widowed, DF told both of us firmly to go back to the old routine of the regular weekly call. It was what he was used to and he didn't want to see himself as someone who needed to be checked on, so we did and we were all happy.

Statisticallyl I am likely to become terminally ill or dead quite soon as I am nearly 90.
I have guessed my two sons collaborated on what care I need, and they are meticulous and kind in what they give me----actually I don't need a lot as I am still mostly free of severe diseases.
One son rings me every day. if he forgets I ring him in case he is worried I am unwell. He often starts "Just checking , Mum" and lets me know if he can't chat on that occasion, (he has a tremendous social life!) although usually we chat for not more than five minutes.

H1954 wrote:

MissAdventure

""I think its rude to phone when you know someone is out for a visit.""

"Yes, I agree, it is rude, not only on the part of the daughter who most probably knew her Mum was visiting the OP but also 'the Mum' who took the call. Why not divert the call?"

I agree .This happens to me regularly. It is nearly alwyas one particular daughter in law who does it, and one son who receives the call, often breaking into what i am saying to start talking to her about some social arrangement. I resent is deeply and think it is apallingly bad manners.
I mentioned it once to my son and he agreed but can't have really understood. By this time I know he is dutiful and kind to me, but I am low on his list of interesting companions.

This reminded me of my friend. Every time I see her, at least one of her kids will call, normally with some crisis or other. It’s never a social call to see how she is!

My son rings rarely and always by appointment…he will email to ask if such and such a day and time is ok to catch up!..it’s weird, he became more and more distant once he met his future wife…

I've found it fascinating, reading all the replies. Why is so complicated? My adult sons call me if they've got something to tell me. Similarly I call them for the same reason! It seems that a lot of people wait for their family to call and then get upset when they don't. I do have a friend whose daughter and granddaughter call her several times a day but they always seem very "needy" to me.

We have a WhatsApp group, my sons may ring me now and again, I see my daughter once a week and have tea with her.

In contact with my two daughters most days, but on WhatsApp.

My sons aren't the best communicators which is fine by me. Daughters in law are great at sending messages and photos of the children.

As to the comment in the original post, why did your friend not have her phone on silent whilst visiting? Also I've no idea why she has such constant contact but that's not anyone's issue but hers I'd have thought.

My son's daily calls to me are so that I have no need to pay the local car service to check me out daily in case I am dead or helpless.

care

I have deleted "Whatsapp" it has killed the art of conversation. Even my kids think a WhatsApp line is worth a conversation. Well goodby to the world I knew. Don't bother ringing if you cant be arsed.

Very old thread but relevant

I'm not a fan of constant "ringing mum up" and our children know me. They email unless their impending arrival will be too soon. Odd, I know.

Our children do call their father, whilst his is out in his buildings, that seems to satisfy their silly need to talk on and on.

DD1 rings most days. SIL rings about once a week. DGC tend to message. DD2 & her children ring at least once a week.

My son rarely calls for a chat, the last call was about a year ago. Same with texts etc - in fact I only hear if I make first contact. We haven't fallen out but it doesn't occur to him to make that first contact even though I've mentioned it a few times.

One of my daughters phones quite often ^when she's having a lie in on a Saturday morning.
I'm always cheery but would rather she called some other time! 😂

Unfortunately, WhatsApp is our regular means of contact - we have a Family Group, and ofcourse, individual. They will let me know if there’s anything of interest and vice versa. If not, we know all is well.

I have twin daughters now 31, one lives at home with me and her stepdad, and works full time . The other is a single mum to 3 children and lives close by . I speak to my daughter with the children every day and my other daughter rings me when she's leaving work , to chat on her journey home . I think its because I was a single Mum with them for 10 years before I met and married my second husband 15 years ago . We're very close

We have a family WhatsApp group which gets used several times a week depending what’s happening. Otherwise both my AC ring about twice a week . Both are single and have busy lives .

I chat with my DD who lives further away a few times a week. My sons who live in town are more sporadic; they usually only phone with something to say or ask about, they can visit if they wish to chat.

Another one with family WhatsApp. Usu busy two or three times a week. Phone calls for special circs only, usually.

Don’t see how anything positive or negative about family ties can be deduced from frequency of communication.

overthehill
One of my DD rings me fairly often during the course of the week, she calls to check that I’m ok & a general catch up Or to when she is disgruntled or upset about things , really she is thoughtful & calls to tell me what’s happening with my 3 GD’s .
My eldest DD also calls maybe once a week or every 10 days unless there is something going on .
My DS , does not call so often but saying that we have been on holiday since 31/5 & he has called 3 times & I have called him once .

I used to ring my mum and dad every day and after dad was on his own as an elderly man I rang more than once a day, morning and night time and sometimes in between just to keep him company he was a lovely man and it was easy to chat to him not always much little bits of news or tv chat or weather work etc I never missed

DS lives abroad and video calls every 2-3 weeks so DGS can talk to me.

DDs don’t call (they know I hate speaking on the phone) and usually send a WhatsApp message when they want me to babysit.

I used to resent my late mother interrupting my Sunday evenings with a phone call “Just wondering how you are”, so I wouldn’t dream of intruding on their lives.