Wedding gift

Just give what you can afford and are comfortable with. It is always difficult when you give money rather than a gift. The couple should be pleased with whatever you are able to give.

Gosh, people are so perverse. For our wedding, 54 years ago, we requested 'just bring yourselves. No gifts required'. We were inundated with lovely gifts and some cash. Our guests simply couldn't handle it. Funny old world!

I agree that it is rather crass to ask for cash specifically for a honeymoon, but most weddings we have attended over the past few years have requested cash, if possible, to put towards something special as they have all the everyday stuff they need. One couple used the cash gifts to buy a rather nice original watercolour. Those who request specific amounts are vulgar beyond belief.

We live in Ireland and for many years now it has become the custom to give money as wedding gift. There is no present list and no request for “money for honeymoon is made”. People are free to give a traditional gift, a voucher, or money but most choose to give cash. Some venues have a locked “post box” so guests can drop in their cards with gifts securely.

I got married in India (my husband is originally from there) and at the reception we went around the tables greeting the guests. Most of them gave us envelopes with cash in them, which is the custom there. We decided that we didn’t want to know who had given what, so later when we went up to our room, we opened the envelopes and spread all the money on the bed and rolled in it!

I once gave in to the ‘poem’ request and put £50 inside our wedding card and deposited it in the wedding letter box on arrival. The bride was the daughter of my best friend. I didn’t get a thank you card, letter, text or word. They too were divorced after a few years. Never again!!
I do think it’s a cheek to ask guests to pay towards an expensive honeymoon - especially when they are inviting people who’s funds may be limited. It’s a difficult one these days when newlyweds seem to start off with so much already.
I would just send a card if you don’t know them well.

Many congratulations on 51 years.

Whilst there seem to be posters who think giving money is sensible or OK; there have been no posts from anyone from a culture that considers it normal.
I have known it in Greek, Turkish & some Asian families (don't know how widespread within those cultures) and some parts of France. A Scottish friend told me that 'passing the bunnet' had been known in his parents' lifetime.

How gauche of that couple literally telling the guests how much they want! UNbelievable. But I would’ve just gone about my business and sent them what I wanted to send them.

I would send what you would ordinarily spend on a gift had you bought one ?

When my daughter got married they received amounts ranging from £10 to £500 so just work with how much you can afford.

I would decide how much I would give if I was going to the wedding and then halve it .

I’m not keen on the idea of money I must say , but think it is better than buying a random gift they might not want .

I do honestly think its totally crass to ask for money as a wedding gift, I'd personally give a gift voucher instead. Yes its common now that couples have lived together before marriage, and so likely have most of the household stuff they need, but I still think its really rude to ask for cash. In your situation - if they are not close relatives or friends - given you are not going to the wedding, I would honestly just send a card. I really dislike the greed evident with some modern weddings.

If not close and your not going I’d just send a card. If I was going I’d give money

Ginpin - that’s a lovely tale and I’ve heard many similar ones; there’s more kindness about than many people realise. ?

Oddly enough I’ve just spent the afternoon with a close friend discussing her wedding. She’s marrying for the second time and her intended is a widower so they both have houses. The cost of the reception (for appx 50 people) will be £90 per person, the cost of the church is £500. Dress, veil, bridesmaids dresses and shoes a further £1000. Cake, cars, photographer and florist are all sourced from friends at cost price, but even so will likely add at least another £500 to the bill. This is a very low key wedding and the guests are all immediate family (six children between them) and very close friends, but to me the costs are eye-watering. My lovely friend wouldn’t dream of asking for monetary gifts, but I think as attendees it’s appropriate to at least gift the cost of the meal. (We’ve just agreed that she and her daughters are actually staying here the night before the wedding and leaving from here to go to the church - I’m very excited.)

I think £50 too ...and have stuck to this amount even with closer family as I live abroad and the expense of getting to the wedding is already several air tickets + outfit+ hotel+ taxis etc.

Times have changed in a way its better than having countless toasters and glass sets.
Coming to think of it, we did have a cutlery set very heavy silver something.
Still in the box almost 26 years later and we are divorcing as it stands.
Nothing more than you are prepared and can afford to gift .
They most probably won't even remember your gift in a years time.
I don't think it's rude asking towards something that's wanted or needed.
What is rude is the never getting a thank you and the lack of appreciation .

50 pounds is a lot of money if your on a budget.

A card if I hardly know them, I think it’s a bit cheeky to ask for money , but maybe I’m being old fashioned.

LovelyLady

Times have changed, but manners don’t change.
£50 per person if not going and £100 if attending. Paying for food and reception is about £100 per person. Unless you are struggling financially.
Every one who knows about a wedding, neighbours etc ‘should’ give a gift. A token gift from neighbours and distant acquaintances.
How rude to be invited and not give a gift.
Those invited ‘should’ be mindful of the cost. Gone are the days when a £20 gift, if attending the wedding was acceptable. We are living in different times. We are not living in the 1970’s

Crikey!

Neighbours and distant acquaintances should give a gift?

Not in my book.

Reading through this list, frankly I’d rather not be invited to a wedding nowadays.

It seemed easier back in the 1970’s, whether as a guest or a bride.

I'm obviously a skinflint - I don't think I would send a gift unless I was actually attending a wedding, and tbh the "having a nice day out" thing doesn't work for me because there are lots of other things I would rather be doing than getting dressed up and spending all day and all evening at a "do" where I might not know many people. I don't dance, don't like loud music and exhaust my stock of small talk very quickly indeed. I'm also coeliac and so the food I would be able to safely eat without getting very ill is very limited.
I would send a card and my very best wishes to the happy couple and leave it at that.

I think that asking for money is very sensible. It is also traditional in some cultures, so younger people will not find it as unusual as older ones.

I agree that suggesting an amount is not very polite, but I personally have taken great pleasure from buying something for the honeymoon. It was lovely to get 'thank you' pictures saying 'you bought us this zoo visit / boat trip'.
My own view is that, as stated, many couples already have the makings of a home. A very special holiday is something that will make lovely memories for them. I may be influenced by the fact that our honeymoon was a gift from my parents - a holiday we wouldn't have afforded, and remains, 50 years later, something we are grateful for.

I think that there are 2 approximate calculations you can make when giving money - the one suggesting you send what you would have spent. Another, usually if you are going, but a useful rule is 'cover your plate'.
I would also sound a note of caution about vouchers; in this uncertain climate, they sometimes become unusable. I think you're safe with John Lewis, M&S etc.

I was invited to a friend’s daughter’s wedding a few years ago. Enclosed with each invitation was a poem basically saying no gifts please and we’d prefer a contribution to the honeymoon.

They provided a breakdown of their honeymoon in the Maldives. There were individual costings for everything from designer flip flops to a night in a luxury beach pod with butler service. The very expensive items were broken down into smaller shares.

There was a link enclosed for the bank transfer of cash. It made me cringe.

Would either just send award with good wishes or a voucher for £50. No way would I contribute to the cost of a honeymoon. Big of a cheek, they can either afford whatever they're have chosen for a holiday or not!

I'd send a card . I really don't like this new trend of cash to pay for honeymoon etc

I suspect many modern wedding invitations are requests for your presents (gifts) rather than your presence (attendance) particularly if from almost strangers..

The size of the crowd will not affect the happiness of the marriage or make it more enduring.