Hurtful comment, never forgotten

Me too. A colleague, male of course, called me “too done up.” He was short, wore specs, had gingerish wisps of a beard and spoke in a silly voice. I was too young to respond in kind and it still rankles as it made me sooooo self conscious in my first proper job. I have moved on…

I had a teacher who made a number of really awful comments to me, I don't know why as I wasn't disruptive in any sense but she just seemed to take a real dislike to me.

Family circumstances at the time meant we got help with uniforms, free lunches etc and she would point this out frequently.
This resulted in some bullying from peers.

I've never forgotten...simply because it was nasty and cruel.

Not lately, but when I was younger I had so many negative comments about my looks, I lost count - your hair is very thin; what happened to your teeth. Name calling, bullying. It takes its toll.

Magenta8

I have a huge, unsightly nose and I have never been in a position to do anything about it. Fortunately my DCs have not inherited it.

Neither of my two sibs have big noses and one of my brother's favourite jokes was to tell people that, when I went swimming with my sister, she dipped her toe in to see how cold it was and I dipped my nose in to see how deep it was. I always used to laugh along with everybody else but I wasn't laughing inside.

It hurts…..😢

I have a huge, unsightly nose and I have never been in a position to do anything about it. Fortunately my DCs have not inherited it.

Neither of my two sibs have big noses and one of my brother's favourite jokes was to tell people that, when I went swimming with my sister, she dipped her toe in to see how cold it was and I dipped my nose in to see how deep it was. I always used to laugh along with everybody else but I wasn't laughing inside.

Sorry to hear that comment re your stomach.

Our parents can be our worst detractors if they make unthinking negative comments. I remember the one I got was telling me I'm "clumsy". Because I've blotted out most (95%) of my childhood memories = I can't remember which of my parents said that or whether they both did. I just remember the comment and think it would most likely have been my mother saying that. It came in very handy for them as an excuse not to buy me a bike as a teenager - when my mother had bought the golden child one (ie my brother).

The only (sorta) redeeming comment they made to that was my father saying to me (when I was an adult) - "Why didn't you go to university? Your brother wasnt capable - but you were. So why didnt you?" The number of times I wish I'd replied "I know my brother is my mothers child - so of course he wasnt capable. Unfortunately I had her doing the major part of my upbringing too - so she was gonna make sure I did NOT do so". I've often wished I'd said something back against the way she pulled me down a lot....

I was a bit pot bellied as a child and my Mum continually told me to pull my stomach in. I walked around with it clenched for most of my life, and remember as a teenager thinking how great it would be to be pregnant and be able to "just let it go".

Consequently I have been conscious of my stomach all my life, even when it was flat and I was a size 8-10, and it's probably not coincidence that I developed gut problems in my 40s and now have multiple food allergies and intolerances, and Exocrine Pancreatic Insufficiency. It can't have been good for me to have been clenching for all those years.

I feel sad reading all your posts with the unkind comments that we have taken to heart. Nandalot I would have loved your long neck instead of my short one. I'm sure I would admire it.... so elegant and graceful.

I usually say " Have You Looked in the Mirror recently ? " or dont you have any mirrors at home ? usually shuts them up

Nandalot

SueDonim

My brother commented in a not-complimentary way about my legs when I was a teenager and I’ve been self-conscious of them ever since. Ridiculous, really, but cuts can be deep and leave scars.

My DB said similar about my long neck. I felt self-conscious about it for a long time, but years later realised it is not really that long!

When I was young I said I didn’t like my very common name. My mother said, ‘It’s plain and simple, like you’.
She thought that was funny.

Well done to you, Shinamae for tackling your addiction. That shows a strength of character which is far more important than the way we look.
I hate my nose but I wouldn't take a chance on surgery after my heart stopped when I had my hysterectomy. I think living with something you hate is better than not living at all. I am glad you managed to have yours done though if it has made you feel better.

icanhandthemback

My ex-husband was watching me bath one night when all of a sudden he asked me whether I would have a nose job done if I could afford it. I was quite offended and have hated my nose ever since.

If you read back, you’ll see that I had a nose job but not till I was 50 when I could afford it
I honestly wish I’d had it done many years ago because I’m still quite embarrassed about things were which were said about my nose that’s why I opened the post with my horrendous feet
I was called gonzo, Somebody else said oh you’re quite pretty from the front another comment was your nose comes in the door half an hour before you do and another one was well you wouldn’t need a snorkel
Best money I ever spent I am a recovering alcoholic and I just wonder if those jibes Turned me to drink because when I was drunk, I didn’t give a stuff what anybody said..
Anyway, that’s enough about all my peculiarities. 🤓

Polly7

I'd mention that we all have bits we would like different i'd say to choose a sandal that most suits your foot., I prefer to have a back in mine and Peep toe, and painted nails, some sandals have wide straps etc. embrace those wonderful feet but have carried you around. I hope you get your bunion sorted very painful.

I would never paint my toenails and draw attention to my feet, yes they have served me well they have got me round but I still have very weak ankles flat feet and a bunion and crossover toes. Very fortunately, the bunion is not at all painful so I will leave Will alone..

I'd mention that we all have bits we would like different i'd say to choose a sandal that most suits your foot., I prefer to have a back in mine and Peep toe, and painted nails, some sandals have wide straps etc. embrace those wonderful feet but have carried you around. I hope you get your bunion sorted very painful.

My ex-husband was watching me bath one night when all of a sudden he asked me whether I would have a nose job done if I could afford it. I was quite offended and have hated my nose ever since.

Thisismyname1953

QVC do a footwear brand called Vionic . They are designed by a foot specialist and have inner souls to support ‘flat feet’ and other foot problems . Their sandals are lovely and can hide bunions and other problems . Have a look at them , you might change your mind about sandals .

I’ve never been on that channel before, but I will try and have a look, thank you

QVC do a footwear brand called Vionic . They are designed by a foot specialist and have inner souls to support ‘flat feet’ and other foot problems . Their sandals are lovely and can hide bunions and other problems . Have a look at them , you might change your mind about sandals .

When my husband and I got married we were young, penniless and full of dreams. My future father in law refused to sign the consent saying it was ridiculous as his son was only 19 and I was too frivolous, stupid, and flighty to marry his son. Persuaded by my future mother in law, who adored, me he refused to attend the wedding and told anyone who would listen it wouldn’t last five minutes as I had no idea what being a wife involved.
We did survive somehow, good times and bad times, and as we opened our 60th Anniversary from Queen Elizabeth 11 and celebrated with our three children and eight grandchildren I thought of that man who never accepted me and the hurt I had suffered from his nastiness over all those years.
We celebrated our sixty third anniversary before my husband died and he did say his dad was wrong and I was the best wife anyone could have had.

I cannot say that no one ever said horrid things about me when I was a child, in fact I was the target of some sustained campaigns of running me down, but I never dwelled on them.

I had the immense advantage that so many people thought me odd and I found other people so incomprehensible that since I was always at one with myself and at odds with the rest of the world. I didn't much care what other people thought.

SueDonim

My brother commented in a not-complimentary way about my legs when I was a teenager and I’ve been self-conscious of them ever since. Ridiculous, really, but cuts can be deep and leave scars.

My DB said similar about my long neck. I felt self-conscious about it for a long time, but years later realised it is not really that long!

I was once told by a man that “no man in his right mind would fancy you” and someone else told me I was so ugly that nobody would ever look at me and it was no wonder I lived alone! I look back at pictures and I was actually quite pretty but the comments still stung. I did find someone for whom I was not totally repulsive and we had a lovely little family together

It's those young comments, before we've built that protective shell that just rebounds unhelpful one-offs, that stay with you & influence you for the rest of your life.
When I was young my mum used to say, I guess you're a career woman, I'll have to get used to the idea that marriage & children aren't for you & be proud of what you achieve yourself. Nothing made me more susceptible to the advances of men/ boys when I outgrew the "ugly duckling" stage. (Which, judging from photos, existed only in mum's mind)
A lovely Indian lady commented on my hairy arms when I was about 50, & I just put it down to cultural difference (Hairy legs = hideous, hairy arms if they're fair are natural in GB) & have never been bothered by it.
There were helpful comments too - my much derided primary teacher discerned my fear of getting things wrong very early & said "the man that never made a mistake, never made anything" & that has stayed with me & counteracted my Mum's judgemental attitude, for life.

My mum was always calling me stupid. This really worried me until my lovely uncle told me he thought I was a very sensible young lady so I chose to believe him

I have the odd comment over the years but generally nothing I didn't already know, but I remember a lad I fancied telling me I was cross eyed and it made me really self conscious.... 30 years later I actually asked an optician and he said I was not. Cruel to say it when it wasn't even true.

People can be so cruel. Ex husband and sister had similar rather large ugly. However, they never let it bother them and just said.how useful they were! DS has inherited same feet but it doesn’t bother him, he slops around in flip flops 70% of the year. Must check out Dgc feet next time I see them! But surreptitiously.

Millie22

When I was a teenager I was really quite slim and had all the comments like don't walk over a drain and in December one year I was told I needed fattening up for Christmas.

Someone once told my tall, slim aunt, in her late teens at the time, that if she stuck out her tongue she would look like a zip fastener!