Hurtful comment, never forgotten

Oh dear Shinamae. That's not a very nice thing to say to a young girl of 15.

Tbh my dad was extremely disappointed in me. He wanted a son but got me and then when he realised I had a birthmark he was appalled. I wasn't perfect. He found my face distasteful. He was a very shallow and vain man, always a fool for a pretty face.

My younger sister was the family beauty and he idolised her, he thought I was ugly and so had little time for me.

Hey ho.....I had the last laugh. My late husband adored me and thought I was beautiful. He didn't even notice my birthmark until we had been dating for several months. One day it was a bit red and angry and he just said "oh have you scratched your face". Bless him, he was so besotted he just didn't see it.

Well....they say love is blind.....?

Biglouis. I am 70 now, so yes I couldn't care less about whether or not people consider me attractive. However, I still like to dress up, wear make up etc. I do it for me, it makes me feel good.

I agree with Germansheperdsmum......I think we who were considered plain Janes when we were young often "grow into our looks" as we get older.

Like fine wines, we often get better with age. ?

You all seem to have lovely Nanas, mine on the other hand not so great, I remember we had a row when I was about 15 and she told me that I was not wanted and I was an accident and actually I found out later that mum was pregnant with me when she got married so it was a sort of shotgun wedding I suppose….. and my father much later on in my life actually told me where I was conceived!!!

Yes my grandmother was a very wise woman.

She told me that I was a lot more intelligent than my sister.

"Yes your sister is pretty but thats all she has. One day her looks will fade but you will always have your brains."

When you get to my age (76) you no longer care much about looks!

I grew up knowing my mother thought me very plain and stupid too. I had straight hair and knock knees and wore glasses from age 3. At 10 I grew tubby.
Looking back at photographs I see someone very ordinary, neither beautiful nor ugly and quite clever. Knowing that I could never reach my mother’s expectations cast a dark shade over my whole life.

Meant to say.......those cruel jibes never really leave you do they and they can seriously dent your confidence. But thankfully, for some reason I was never bullied or teased by my class mates or peers.

I don't know why but it was always adults who said the cruel things. I never did understand that. You would think it would be children being cruel, that the adults would know better and be kinder.

shinamae......I think you feet look just fine. ❤️

Big Louis. ...your grandmother was a very wise and clever woman.

Like you I was a very plain child, tall, lanky, skinny, thin whispy hair. Worse still I was born with a nasty birthmark on my face. Some of the comments I received as a child were beyond hurtful, but even worse to contend with were the unguarded looks of shock and pity I noticed in people's eyes when they first met me. Needless to say I hated my appearance and had no confidence.

A kindly aunt noticed my struggles and without saying a word about my appearance she taught me this little rhyme .....

"A little bit of powder and a little bit of paint
Can make a thing seem what it aint"

She didn't have a birthmark but she was deemed too tall and rather plain. And yet, she always looked like a million dollars, beautifully dressed, bejewelled and full make up. She was 96 when she died and she still looked wonderful.

She loved the old Hollywood movie stars and had a collection of movie magazines which she let me look at. And like your grandmother she pointed out that many of those stars weren't actually beautiful or even pretty. But what they had was glamour. The word "glamour" itself apparently comes from "glamere" which is an old mediaeval word meaning magic or spell.

So I followed my aunts example and learned how to make the best of a bad job. I learned how to deflect attention away from my birthmark, I learned how to dress well, apply make up. Etc.

Then when puberty hit when I was 14 the "equipment" arrived...? and the ugly duckling finally turned into a swan. I was tall, slender, long legs, generous boobs, and nice thick glossy hair. The real bonus was that the birthmark began to fade so that with the right make up it was much less noticeable.

Oddly enough I do have quite pretty feet, even though I'm now 70 - straight toes, no bunions. I think largely thanks to my mum insisting I wear the most awful "sensible shoes" when I was young. I hated them and always wanted pretty shoes but she did me a favour.

Unfortunately I do now have painful feet at times thanks to collapsed arches and arthritis. So it's back to comfy sensible shoes, my high heel days are sadly over.

As a postscript .....the birthmark became cancerous when I was 56 and had to be surgically removed. I was very nervous but the surgeon did an amazing job and all I'm left with is a faint white scar which no one ever notices, even without make up.

All's well that ends well. ?.

Rejection not reflection

I used to take pack lunch to school whilst my regular friends had cooked dinners. It was my first term. I was sat with a group of girls eating lunch when the two from my class, I remember their names to this day, said they didn’t want me to sit on their table anymore and to go elsewhere. Three other girls invited me to their table but I always felt I was there on sufferance. The reflection has always stayed with me.

You are all very kind…thank you…..????

Ps shinamae. Your feet look lovely to me!

Oh yes, you definitely don’t forget things said to you as a child. Once I became an adult, I vowed never to talk down to a child, even in jest. In fact these days, I’d be more likely to be put in my place for it, and quite right too.

I’ve been told I’m not nice to be with, age 7. I’m the noisiest eater n the world, all through childhood. My younger sister was just better than me generally. Lots more.

Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder, as I can’t see it in Princess Anne, but then I never saw her as a young woman.

Sorry, pedicure!!!

Hurtful remarks do stay with you, or at least they do with me. Have for upwards of 70 years so unlikely to be forgotten as long as I have working grey cells! My husband tells me I need to get a thicker skin. I was in no doubt at all that I was a plain child but as you get older a little makeup can change a lot, as can a good hairstyle. I think I grew into my looks as I got older and am fine with my (lightly made up) face and my hair now. My legs are another matter and thank goodness for trousers, which I can pretty much live in now I’m retired! Shinamae your feet are much nicer than mine, which have just got worse with each passing year. I’ve never had the courage to bare them for a manicure and just do my best with a foot file, cream and nail varnish. I’d love nice, pretty feet but tell myself there must be a lot of people who would love to have feet, or at least ones that work.

When I was 12 I was on a bus with my mother and golden princess sister when another passenger said "What a pity ones plain and one's pretty"

My sister was exceptionally pretty with white blonde curly hair. I was gawky with mousy hair. Everyone said my sister looked like Princess Anne as a young girl (and yes Anne was a pretty child and is still a handsome woman).

I went to my grandmother crying that it was unfair that my sister was so pretty and I so ugly. My grandmother was a very straightforward woman, who always said it like it was. So she gave me some tough love.

"Your not ugly but you are whats called plain. That means ordinary so people don't notice you. I was a plain girl. In those days we could not use make up because it was not considered respectable for women of my class. But nowadays a plain girl can make the most of herself with the right make up, hair style and clothes. So you can be just as good as your sister when you get older."

She then went on to point out that some of the great Hollywood actresses like Bette Davis and Barbara Stanwyk were not at all beautiful. She pointed out that Bette Davis was quite plain and Barbara Stanwyk very ugly with a huge mouth. However these women gave out the illusion of beauty because of their props, jewellery and fashions. And also because of their great talent as actresses they made people believe they were beautiful.

I never forgot the hurtful words of that passenger. But I also remembered my grandmothers wise words. When I grew older I took a lot of trouble with my appearance and spent a lot on clothes. I knew I would never be beautiful in the conventional sense but I was a very attractive young woman.

I wore them today and they were very comfortable but did give me a blister………. On my bunion ?

The mules do hide a multitude of foot sins…..?

I have just taken a photo of my naked left foot but can’t bring myself to put it on it is so awful!! ?‍♀️?‍♀️?‍♀️?‍♀️

Yes, you've got nice feet, Shinamae

Well done shinamae! Absolutely nothing wrong with your feet in those strappy mules - very flattering!

I knew someone who had all her toes straightened!
It was bad enough having a middle one straightened; they break it, cut the tendon and ligaments and put a pin through it to keep it straight while it mends.

So does mine.
They all serve sideways, my toes.
All those years of wearing sensible, flat, black lace ups and this is the result.
I should sue my mum!

MissAdventure

Ooh, go on!
I'll show you my hammer toe.

I had my hammer toe straightened years ago.
It grew sideways under the one next to it.

Absolutely not.

I wouldn't want to give Granny nightmares!

Prove it!