Daughter

Same with my 4. They are all so different . In politics,religion, type of partner etc. it is almost as if they each have a separate niche and stick to it. The eldest is very religious and straight laced, the next is loving, caring and a fantastic mum, the next is a hard working right wing type and the youngest is an artist and extremely left wing. They get on with each other but rarely meet and don’t ring each other. I love them all and I do like them all though I disagree with some of them. I keep my mouth firmly shut, found out the hard way that comments and advice don’t go down well.

I like my daughters
I love my daughters
I am proud of them and their achievements

But I don't always understand them and they are as different as chalk and cheese.
How did that happen?

I love my daughter but don’t always agree with her life choices but I am also very proud of her. She is successful, independent, happy, has a good work life balance and in charge of her life. That’s my girl.

I've certainly disliked my daughter at times, and been assured the feeling was mutual.

Children are not clones, they developed their own personality and character, good parents help them as much as they can. The time comes when they run their own lives, if you disapprove don’t comment and get on with your own life, there are plenty of ways I disapprove with my children’s choices.

For me love is like a piece of string, every time I’m hurt a little bit is snipped off the end until there is nothing left

Yes, this!!

Miss Chateline, that is exactly what has happened with this daughter. When I divorced her father, she took his place in the bullying tactics and general abuse. She only speaks to me when she wants something, usually money!

Gwyneth. I’m not sure , I think that you have to like someone first before you love them. For me love is like a piece of string, every time I’m hurt a little bit is snipped off the end until there is nothing left.

I think it is quite possible to love someone but not like them.

I actually wrote this last night but just as a went to post there was an explosion in my small town and all of the internet went off.

I could write reams about loving, liking and not liking my daughters. About loosing them and regaining loving relationships with them over the years.
I have only tentatively broached the subject once on here and I received so much abuse that I’m not sure that I could ever discuss it in any depth again.
Now I have a really lovely relationship with both of them and we can talk about what happened and I know that they understand. My eldest daughter and I have a very close relationship and she is a wonderful mum to her own children. My youngest daughter is a lovely person, happily married with a daughter of her own. But I also find some of the decisions regarding the day to day parenting hard to understand and I often find it difficult to spend long periods of time with her and her daughter due to the child’s behaviour. I’m actually dreading the time when I know I will be asked to look after her in the school holidays. I hide this as best as I can from her and she thinks that I’m a great gran. So I guess i seek the positives and never offer advice unless asked. But it isn’t easy.

Your second post came up before I had seen it, Have you spoken to her about this,

That sounds so hard, but understandable. Have you tried talking to her? Could you say it upsets you to see her behave in certain ways, without sounding critical?

It would be a shame to let this go on. There’s so many good times to be had with adult children. Is it possible she has no idea the effect she has on you / others?

Oh wow Hildagard, you say you love her so that’s the main thing, you say you don’t agree with her life choices parenting and much more, so that’s quite a lot of things,

She is .just so so selfish, unless it’s to her advantage nothing matters, her children suffer.

Yes it is possible to love someone but not actually like them. Yes I also hope that she does not know these are your feelings. We all have to make our own life choices not necessarily those that our Parents want for us. It can be hard if offspring make bad choices but all that can be done is to be supportive, which I am sure you are.

Is it just her choices and lifestyle you don't like rather than your daughter, herself?

As long as you love her that`s all that matters imo.
It`s a bit like loving someone but not being in love with that person.
You have to agree to disagree,simple.

Can you disagree with her choices without disliking her? It is because you love her that this is so hard. If it were anyone else you would be happy to disagree over these things.

Letting our AC make what we see as mistakes is not easy; but we have to do it.

Your being very honest Hildagard. We are human and can’t get on with everyone in our lives. I’m hoping she doesn’t know these are you feelings and that you concentrate on her positives when you’re in her company.

well you are obviously different
try to work out how to make it work despite all of that?
Not sure what else to say.