moving home only to regret

Do you think shielding might be partly the reason why you are unsettled? After all, your life has not been normal for almost 18 months, rarely leaving the house, no visitors etc. You probably enjoyed going out when you first moved in instead of just being in the house and garden and focusing on the faults. I certainly spend far too much time being dissatisfied with my house, I’m just about to embark on having every room decorated with new flooring as well and a patio remake is the next major job! I’m sure if I was out and about more, I would not notice the DIY jobs!

As your life opens up again and you spend less time at home, you also might feel more content again.

I live in a bungalow by the way, I moved in when I was 54 and love it! Mine is definitely not a small square box as it has three bedrooms, two bathrooms and three living rooms due to various extensions - my friends call it the tardis! The only downside for me is the garden and patio which are a bit too quirky to be practical and I have to have help with all the work.

I, like I guess a lot of people our age, have often thought that maybe we should downsize before we get too old to cope with the inevitable hassle and stress involved with a house move.

I must admit though I have often wondered how many people move for practical reasons and then bitterly regret it, especially of course if they had loved where they were.

I think the fact that you were happy and settled to start with is a good sign and it’s more than likely you will grow to love the bungalow again, especially if you concentrate on the positives.

Regarding the noisy neighbours, autumn and winter are just around the corner so the couple won’t be in the garden much.

Meant to say ..... You will get a good screen but don't have to keep trimming it.

I sympathise, but you have to think that even back in your old house you might have got new noisy neighbours. In the last two years we have had new neighbours all around us. All young families whereas before the houses were all occupied by retirees. We’re happy still but it’s certainly not what it was. Time moves on and nothing stays the same.

I’m glad you didn’t take my post as criticism Maddison because I do understand but if you can change yourself instead of changing house it ll be not only be cheaper but it will not upset your husband too
If the distraction cations on here have helped there’s a lot of hope
I think both the pampas grass, bamboo and tinkling water are great ideas seacliff and feeling you’re controlling a situation is a very positive way forward

This is why I have second thoughts about moving. I would love a bungalow, but the thought of all the hassle, scares me. It’s the costs of maintaining a 4 bed house that is pushing me to a move. But as my daughter says, if you’re happy here, why move….no point of saving money at my age. So I shall stay put …….

Hi Bluebelle thank you i will take that on board i was happy for nearly 4 years can't pin point why i changed i think i need to get my mind back on track i have probably too much time on my hands i will try but replying to messages on here today has distracted me so that's good

true i actually think they have quietened down a bit i am wondering if the woman have gone back to work after working from home her voice really carries into our house she talks really loud we could hear her talking on the phone previously taking work calls i am hoping noise is the only reason i am feeling unsettled because i know my regretting moving started then if i feel better soon it's that if not it's something else thank you for taking time to help

Perhaps try planting a tall but non invasive bamboo screen between you and them. The wind blows through it and makes a pleasant sound. You will get a good screen but have to keep trimming it.

Also possibly have a water feature near where you sit. The tinkling water sound might also help distract a little from the noise they make.

It’s time to look forward not backward whats to be achieved you wouldn’t be happy causing your husband unrest and dissatisfaction especially as he’s not a well chap you have to put your dissatisfaction to the back of your mind because there doesn’t seem anything else you can do if you ve spent all your money on moving and renovations
You say you were ok at first, so bring that back, we all have the power to change our feelings as hard as it may seem
If a situation isn’t right but you can’t change it then you have to teach yourself to accept it by looking for and at the positives
Could you husband manage another move he’s obviously not well and he’s doing all he can to fit in with your needs I can’t help but think how demoralised he will feel if you tell him your unhappy when he’s done all he can to get it how you want it

it must be hard for you maddison and i think that the noisy neighbours are the real problem
having jobs to do in the bungalow gives you control over things but having noisy neighbours is sadly something you have no control over
i know it is a way off yet but come the autumn they won't be in the garden so much and you will get some respite

have cut bushes down which has taken away our privacy we have had to buy some to try and get it back
I presume the bushes were on their land. Maybe when yours grow, things will go back as before grow. I don’t know what you have planted but there are several online articles regarding different heights of bushes being used as barriers for noise.

I think you have nearly finished decorating your new home and are now preoccupied with regrets because of the young neighbours. Wait for the sound barrier to improve if that is the problem.

thank you i am thinking along these lines too

You have my sympathy Madison, it seems you could cope until you lost your peace and quiet by noisy neighbours and your privacy too. I would certainly talk to your husband about your concerns, also have your home valued to just see if it’s gone up in value with your alterations and improvement.

BlueSky

Maddison we have been thinking about moving to a bungalow or apartment for a while now, but so far have stayed put. We realised we like what we’ve got and a stair lift can be easily added. Maybe we will do move eventually but I’m already thinking I’ll regret it for whatever reason. So I can quite understand where you come from. Do mention it to your DH, these feelings need to be shared.

hi thank you, if you do move really look at what you are moving to and get it right the regret is an awful feeling i wouldn't wish it on anyone take care

BlueBelle

I think you need to actually stop yourself when you start yearning and think of the reasons you wanted to move
There was obviously a good reason at the time
I don’t think you should tell your husband, think how disappointed he would be and there’s precious little you can do if all your savings have gone, so what would that achieve apart from upsetting him ? I m going to sound hard but I think you have to look at all the good things and count your blessings that you’ve still got a good partner and a lovely home that you done up to your own specifications and try and stop thinking about the old one
Sometimes you have to work harder than other times to look at the positive
You obviously can’t return to old pastures so turn your face to the sun and look for new positives
Good luck

Hi thank you that is good advice iv'e tried to stop dwelling on the past but it hasn't worked yet i know i am lucky to have a loving husband and a home and i wouldn't want to upset him but he knows i'm not happy he thinks it's because we are still shielding as we have to be careful with he's health and not seeing other people but i will try and hold back from telling him the real reason and hope i can get back to normal in time but if not he might have to be gently told take care thank you

M0nica

You have been in your new house for four years, but you are only just feeling these regrets. This suggests that there is something more underlying them than there appears.

The obvious reason is the noisy neighbour at the end of the garden, but what is to say that if you had stayed in the house the neighbours may have changed and you could have noisy neighbours there by now.

You moved for a reason, probably that the house and garden were getting too much for you to manage. It is all too easy to look back to the past and rememeber everything that made you happy there and forget the things that caused problems.

Have you considered a short course of counselling? perhaps talking it over with someone outside the home nexus and neutral would help you work out what is the reason for you feeling like this.

We moved from the house because we had a steep garden, and my husband had had cancer and i thought the time was right to get a bungalow more nearer the shops as i do not drive, i think because there aren't many bungalows for sale we bought the only one on the market in quick time as there were a lot of viewings booked ,i at my age should have known better, i was thinking with my needs at the time and not my heart unfortunately thank you for your help and kindness

Maddison we have been thinking about moving to a bungalow or apartment for a while now, but so far have stayed put. We realised we like what we’ve got and a stair lift can be easily added. Maybe we will do move eventually but I’m already thinking I’ll regret it for whatever reason. So I can quite understand where you come from. Do mention it to your DH, these feelings need to be shared.

I think you need to actually stop yourself when you start yearning and think of the reasons you wanted to move
There was obviously a good reason at the time
I don’t think you should tell your husband, think how disappointed he would be and there’s precious little you can do if all your savings have gone, so what would that achieve apart from upsetting him ? I m going to sound hard but I think you have to look at all the good things and count your blessings that you’ve still got a good partner and a lovely home that you done up to your own specifications and try and stop thinking about the old one
Sometimes you have to work harder than other times to look at the positive
You obviously can’t return to old pastures so turn your face to the sun and look for new positives
Good luck

welbeck

could you introduce the subject gently to your husband.
if he says how he is feeling generally, or healthwise, could you say, do you think it would have been harder if we'd still been in the old house.
and gradually kind of suss him out on how he feels about the present house. he might have regrets too, but be trying not to dishearten you.
can you get some tall screening for the garden.
all the best.

that is good advice i will certainly gently broach the subject to see if he is settled here,
we have added some tall screening i am just wondering if i wasn't ready to move from a house to a bungalow after all, i need to stop thinking about my old house i can't change the sale Thank you so much i appreciate you taking time to help

You have been in your new house for four years, but you are only just feeling these regrets. This suggests that there is something more underlying them than there appears.

The obvious reason is the noisy neighbour at the end of the garden, but what is to say that if you had stayed in the house the neighbours may have changed and you could have noisy neighbours there by now.

You moved for a reason, probably that the house and garden were getting too much for you to manage. It is all too easy to look back to the past and rememeber everything that made you happy there and forget the things that caused problems.

Have you considered a short course of counselling? perhaps talking it over with someone outside the home nexus and neutral would help you work out what is the reason for you feeling like this.

could you introduce the subject gently to your husband.
if he says how he is feeling generally, or healthwise, could you say, do you think it would have been harder if we'd still been in the old house.
and gradually kind of suss him out on how he feels about the present house. he might have regrets too, but be trying not to dishearten you.
can you get some tall screening for the garden.
all the best.

Calendargirl

^We settled in more or less straight away^.

You’ve been there four years, I assume you were happy at first, judging by your comment,

Perhaps now all your renovations are complete, you have not much exciting to look forward to, regarding the bungalow. And if your DH is not too well, that will be worrying.

The noisy neighbours are another upset.

If you moved again, there’s no guarantee what the neighbours will be like though.

you are right it's the unknown moving could be worse, i need to get over the regret of moving from the old house but am at a
loss on how to thank you for your help

Hi i agree with you 100% i was thinking about after the windows are in to get a valuation
Thank you for the advice

We settled in more or less straight away.

You’ve been there four years, I assume you were happy at first, judging by your comment,

Perhaps now all your renovations are complete, you have not much exciting to look forward to, regarding the bungalow. And if your DH is not too well, that will be worrying.

The noisy neighbours are another upset.

If you moved again, there’s no guarantee what the neighbours will be like though.