Embarrassing things children say

Sensible child!!!!

In the 1940s my sister was on the bus with my mum. As they passed a church she said out loud ‘Did you have to get married Mum?’ To which my mother quickly replied ‘Oh I only just made it’ to the amusement of the passengers.

I was out shopping and was carrying DD who was about 18 months old at the time. I met an ex work colleague who had married one of the doctors and had just had a baby. I looked in the pram and the baby was tightly swaddled so I could only see his head but he had the most gorgeous head of thick black hair. DD twisted round in my arms to look in the pram too and pointed and said "pussy cat". I had never heard her say more than one word before, she certainly chose her time.

I haven't laughed so much in ages - some of these are just so funny. My granddaughter when she was about 3 stroked the hand of my West Indian friend and asked 'Why is your hand that colour' to which my friend replied 'So it matches the rest of me'. When my aunt was about four the vicar's wife was making a great fuss of her until my aunt asked 'Are you trying to grow a moustache?'

Many years ago, some 6/7 yr olds in my class were talking about “ what they did in the summer holidays”. I think their parents might have felt twinges of embarrassment if they’d known we’d all heard various snippets of the children’s news….ranging from the mundane-“we went to the sea side/ to grandmas/the dog died” etc to the revealing- “I had to stop sleeping in mummy’s bed as a new uncle came to stay with us”… and, at one time, “mummy’s just had an undercarriage”….(miscarriage). Of course, what was said in the classroom, stayed in the classroom…

My DD sat in the supermarket trolley & watched me sign a cheque & said ' hmmm that's not your real name is it Mummy'. She couldn't even read so why??

My grandson was playing on his computer game and his mother asked him to stop and come down for dinner. He said "No, I don't want to" and when she insisted he said "But Nanny says you always let me do exactly what I want" OOps!

My sister and her husband were living in Atlanta for a time and kindly invited me for a holiday with my two sons (7 & 8?) Sister looked after us very well at her apartment. After a week or so we were taken out to dinner by her husband and at the end my youngest declared 'Ah, it's good to get a decent meal for a change'. Luckily we all have a good sense of humour.

My dad and I were on the train to see my sister. There was a lovely old couple opposite us who didn’t mind a small child being there and chatted along to her. she then looked at the man and said ‘ you’ve got a really big nose you know’
I just wanted the ground to open up
but his wife and him both laughed at the honesty of children!
We all continued chatting for the rest of the trip!

When my DD was about 6 or 7 we had a static caravan. There was a club house that did meals and whenever we went there for the weekend (every 2-3 weeks) we would go there to eat on the Friday night. On Saturdays they had a kids' club with games and dancing, so we took them to that.
At school each Monday DD had to write in her journal. We read it at Parents' Evening: "On Friday we went to the pub. On Saturday we went to the pub again." was repeated many times. We had to explain to the teacher we were not alcoholics!

Today, the 4 year old GD ran inside shouting 'It's p*ssing down out there!',

then, when her dad came to collect her, she stood at the porch door and shouted ' I've got my shoes on, just have to find my knickers!' (I bet they'll just love her when she starts school.)

My daughter proudly told her whole class that her daddy was a kerb crawler! (He's been known to hit the kerb on a few occasion while driving). I hope the teacher figured out what she meant!

Summerfly, my DGD - 2.5 - did something similar to your DGS. She was with her parents and some family friends in a specialist children's shop when they realised that she had given them the slip. She had found a display of potties and decided to make use of one. Her slightly embarrassed parents - though in a way quite proud of her - felt compelled to buy it.

My DGS was about three years old. His mummy and daddy were shopping for a new bathroom suite. After looking around the shop at several different suites, my DGS decided he needed to go to the loo. He just lifted the lid on the nearest one to him and started to wee! Not funny at the time, but we’ve laughed about it since ?

??? my 3 years old grandaughter told me to leave her birthday party because I hadn't been invitationed. ???

Wheeling my DD in her pushchair across the cathedral close and an enormous lady walked towards us. I held my breath, hoping DD would not drop a clanger ..... she said "Mummy, why has that lady got no knees?" Oh dear.

My son went through a phase of calling every man we went past 'Daddy', which I'm did my reputation no good in the area.

On one cringe-worthy occasion we were in the library, when my son then aged about 3, announced loudly "Mummy fart". I don't know whether he meant he had, or someone else nearby had, but of course everyone would have assumed it was me. Which it wasn't of course - honest!

Forty years ago, my son would have been about four. We were visiting the in-laws on a Sunday afternoon.
A travel programme came on television featuring a young woman rising topless out of the sea. My son said 'I could just kiss those nipples'. Red faces all around!

There is 22 months between my daughters. We went to the local shop one day and the youngest - still a baby in her pushchair - started to cry, whereupon the eldest announced to the whole shop " mummy, mummy, the baby is crying - she wants some boob!" I blushed, as did the poor bachelor shopkeeper and the other customers just smirked and tried not to giggle!
The youngest got her own back though when they were aged about 6 and 8, by saying it a very loud voice in a cash and carry - "Mummy, see that boy over there? He wants to have sex with (other daughter's name!) Goodness knows where that came from, but wherever it was it was very loud!

My next door neighbour was wallpapering her bathroom and couldn't reach to do the bits over the bath, so a friends husband had offered to help her. While they were busy her little boy popped his head around the door and said "Mam, a man knocked at the door and asked for you, but he said he would see you next week when I said yes but you were in the bath with Mr. Thompson." My friend had to go running after the insurance man and explain to him what was actually going on.

My daughter was taken quite seriously ill whilst on holiday in the States.

Her daughter, aged six was eventually taken to the hospital to see her mother. "Mummy, if you die, can I have your new hat?" was the first thing my granddaughter said to her mother! A new sunhat had been purchased and my granddaughter obviously had her eye on it!

My GD (age 5) asked her great-grandmother, my MIL, how old she was. When she replied 93 my GD said "Goodness. You will be dead soon". Fortunately MIL never heard.

A friend of mine took her granddaughter to the library for the first time. She took her into the children's section and told her she could choose a few books, the librarian would stamp them and she would be allowed to take them home to read. My friend accompanied her disbelieving granddaughter and her books to the desk and stood beside her while the lady duly stamped the books. Her granddaughter looked up at her and said 'She's a nice lady and she looks just like a witch, doesn't she?'

When my daughter was about 6 we were out in the park playing golf with a knobbly wooden stick that we'd found, when to my horror my daughter stepped in front of me just as I hit the ball, the stick hit her, and ended up with a trip to A&E for stitches in her eyebrow. A few days later, my mum, daughter and I were browsing some antique shops, when the owner of one said to my daughter, 'oh dear, what happened to your eye?' She promptly answered 'Mummy hit me with a stick!' Needless to say an explanation was given, but I'm still not sure that the woman believed me!

I used to take my eldest grandson to our local library which had a small playground attached to it. They were situated fairly close to the mainline railway.

He was a bright child and leaned to read early so yelled earnestly and excitedly (and, unfortunately, frequently) "Look, Grammy, there's a Virgin!", each time a train raced by.

Eldest granddaughter was forthright. We took her on bus rides and in the hush of the bus this three-year-old would shout "why that man fat?" (he was) and "why that lady big nose?" (she did) are two comments I recall.