A few minutes of tv . I am now an arch-criminal

oldmom

A lot depends on how old the toddler is. Current guidelines recommend no screen time at all under 2. I pretty much stuck to that with my son, who is now 8.

Between 2 and 7, 20 minutes a day is appropriate, if the screen time is suitable.

So if Granny sticks the 18 month old in front of the TV, yeah, Granny is wrong. But a 3 year old is different. However, the parents' direct instructions should be followed. If Granny doesn't want to follow the rules, Granny doesn't need to watch the child.

Claiming you know it all because you raised your kids is irrelevant. Times have changed, and today's world has different rules and different problems. Grandparents make better carers if they keep up to date and follow the parents instructions.

Well!

The Granny in question wasn't sticking the child in front of the TV all day, just a short time whilst she perhaps cooked or had a quick cuppa.

Grandparents make better carers if they keep up to date and follow the parents instructions.
Thank goodness my DC, DIL and SIL aren't like you oldmom

If Granny doesn't want to follow the rules, Granny doesn't need to watch the child.
The parents would have to find alternative arrangements pdq with your attitude.

I take it you are in the USA from the terminology, oldmom as we tend to mind children, care for them, interact with them here, not just watch them.

What nonsense. I think children's TV is often quite educational. Obviously you don't want them watching it all day but a short burst of it for a bit of peace and quiet should be no problem. I admire you for having the energy to do three days child care a week. I couldn't do it. The child's parents are being completely unreasonable.

Hmmh. I am just about to finally apply to be on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I usually reach £64,000 but realise it’s stress free at home. My general knowledge is good because I paid attention at school, read newspapers, watch the news, but 50% comes from watching television. My son has a very good job in television. I wonder why? Rosie and Jim and Pingu come to mind. He also loved reading and still does. I had no family help when bringing him up and running my business from home so employed au pairs and finally had a lovely junior nanny called Siobhan. Von Von he called her. I am 70. Had a late baby. Couldn’t care for a toddler now.

So according to the screentime rules you quote Oldmom at what age can a child be allowed to watch a film?
I would say what you ard quoting is mobile phones, tablets etc screentime and you are including tv.
Watching CBeebies or CBBC with the kids will not do them any harm.
As for the grans keeping up to date with what the parents want maybe we should have training courses laid on by the parents.

3 days a week looking after your grandchild, that is a lot!?

I hardly think 20 minutes TV is going to do him any harm, regardless of what they think and, as others have said, if they feel your caregiving is below their exacting standards, tell them they are welcome to find another one (at significantly more cost I expect!)

Maybe next time don't tell them about his TV habits!!

When I looked after my grandchildren it was always 'my house - my rules'.

I remember having my granddaughter overnight when she was tiny and she came with pages of instructions. Fast forward a couple of years and two of them were thrown in with no instructions and the parents ran!

mittensmum. You are amazing.
If you (probably) continue the childminding I wonder if you are doing consecutive days? That will be even more tiring.
Maybe a spread would help.
Your family have been terribly rude. I hope they’ve slept on what was said and apologise. Any advice I have would be tempered by whether this is a first and how generally appreciative they are. Do they offer toddler’s food, treat you to flowers etc.
How much do they need free childcare if they are in well paid jobs. What is their standard of living and yours.
I hope they are kinder going forwards.

@Frogs
I am 47, with an 8 year old. I sah and homeschool. I also have fibromyalgia.

I don't imagine that my future DIL would trust me to take care of any future grandchildren I might have, if I even live long enough to see them. I will definitely be past caring for little ones by the time I'm 70.

And I don't leave my kid to his grandparents. My parents are dead, and in-laws are in their late 80s, and live a 2 hour flight away. What with covid, they haven't seen him in a while.

I think I would have been inclined to tell them that the next time you need a few minutes rest you will allow him to play in the knife drawer rather than watching a few minutes of harmless children's tv! How unkind of them to criticise you; if the child has developed unreasonable behaviour they need to look at their parenting methods first before blaming the free child carer.
I occasionally look after two very active GC but my DD knows I suffer a great deal of pain from arthritis and sometimes watching a DVD is the answer to keeping them occupied. It doesn't happen every time and the films are always age appropriate.

I suggest the parents get someone else to look after their child three days a week (no doubt you do it for free. I wonder who else is lining up to do that job for nothing.) We have our two grandchildren three days a week after school and during some of the holidays. To be providing childcare for a toddler for three full days must be tiring and requires a great deal of appreciation, not scolding.

I too am quite strict about the children watching TV when they come here - especially cartoons. I do limit their time and encourage them to draw or we play games together. However, I feel quite sure that 20 minutes of TV isn't going to damage your grandchild and I think this is completely over the top. I think most grandparents in your position would allow at least an hour or so of TV.

I have noticed this attitude on Gransnet "it is not a grandparents' place to question anything whatsoever in relation to their grandchildren - they must "zip it". This sort of approach I think encourages parents to think they are somehow doing their Mum and Dad a favour in letting them look after their children. Of course, most grandparents enjoy doing so but it is a responsibility and requires energy and patience. They certainly should not be subjected to "right royal tellings off". Totally wrong.

If Oldmum really is an older mum she may feel a little differently when her children are producing grandchildren and it’s her turn to be asked to help out with childcare.
I was an ‘older mum’ myself, now 74 and have four grandchildren under 7 who I look after at various times. Most of us in our 70s have an array of medical problems - I get chronic back pain amongst other things.
I am lucky that both my daughters in law accept whatever I think is best in the way of childcare.
Incidentally when I used to pick one grandchild up from a fabulous and really expensive private nursery at the particular time I used to pick her up all the children were having their TV time.

That's clever luluaugust then the balls in their court. Just hope I can remember that one of I end up in a similar situation.

Oh how one wishes you could think up a suitable quick and witty reply at the time. I would point out to the relevant parent that somehow you managed to drag them up although you obviously failed in the respect for the aged department. What a cheek, do they never put the tele on at all. Seriously three days is a lot, I am just a bit older and know I couldn't do whole days now (10 hours or so). I think a gentle fright might be good, say you are thinking you might have to drop a day and see where the conversation goes.

Good luck to them finding childcare anywhere that never uses a few minutes of TV.

When I did regular childcare I don’t think I ever actually said it, but dd knew that I’d be doing it my way, or not at all.

My way and hers were much the same as regards feeding, so no problem there, but when it came to naps, they differed widely. Dd and SiL would sit with her for ages, patting, etc., or else push her round the roads in the buggy, or take her for a drive in the car.

I just wasn’t prepared to do any of those - I really needed that P and Q time. So when I knew she was tired and ready, it was in the cot with a kiss and a ‘Sleepy time now’ - a few pats, and off.
Yes, she’d cry for a little while, but was none the worse.

Later, during a one-off with Gds of maybe 12 months, dd told me that the only way to get him to sleep - apart from BF-ing - was to push him around the roads in the buggy.

Well, it was raining, so stuff that! I put the buggy facing the French windows, so he could see into the garden, and put Classic FM on. It happened to be Elgar’s cello concerto just starting.
Magic!! He was off in a couple of minutes, barely a grizzle at all.

I am almost 70, I don’t look after my GC as they live too far away, thankfully! I do not think I could cope with them and certainly 20 minutes of TV isn’t going to cause temper tantrums. Children’s TV is very good and informative in small doses. If you had allowed him to watch TV for hours then I can understand the situation, but I think they are being very unreasonable. They should think a bit more about what they are asking you to do out of love for your family. Good luck.

How times have changed. I’ve done childcare whilst parents worked. It was important to follow the timetable as much as possible, more for my grandchildren‘s sake than the parents. However, if they’d needed me to do something which I felt I couldn’t, I would have said so at the outset. I was well under 60. If you knew they didn’t want tv time at any point, perhaps you should have said you can’t do it. I wouldn’t have.
Hope you sort things.

This is very unfair OP. I looked after my GCs 3 days s week from babyhood to teenage.
My D and SiL agreed that I would look after them in a way that suited me and TV time was part of the day.
They are now 18 and 16 have done very well in their A levels and GCSEs. They are both normal, happy teenagers despite the pandemic so some TV time has done them no harm at all.

I would imagine the 20 minutes gave you a little respite too. 3 days a week child care is a great deal, and provided the child is safe, clean and well fed, 20minutes TV is perfectly OK.

Wow - I cannot believe some of you are critisising the OP - for 20 minutes of TV? Are you serious? MittensMum - if your child is not happy about what you do when you look after THEIR child - tell them you won't bother in future! I cannot believe how demanding some adult children are to their elderly parents - disgusting! The younger generation are so selfish and self-obsessed (not all, obviously) I wonder why any grandparent would want to look after their children on a regular basis?

I agree with Bluecat they really have no idea. Mother nature did women/ladies/ birthing peoples - don't know the correct title - a favour with the biological clock. I had a friend - same age - who became a first time mum at the same time i became a gran. She only had the onebut is shattered all the time he is heading for teens now.
I am shattered all the time since covid juggling childcare and full time work i am not sure i would be able to do the childcare at this level in 20 years time. I do worry if my youngest leaves having children too long she will expect the same dynamics from me as the others had and whether i will let her down.
I would hope Mr Tumble is still going to help me.

"Lapse"? Really? You are expected to feed and entertain the child, with no thought about how much you'd really love to sit down with a cuppa, alone with your thoughts or a book? What if you had been following a television serial that is on when the child is at your house? Are you expected to forgo that, too? And what about not being able to go out fore a walk around the block if and when you feel like it? They are not doing you a favour by "allowing" you to look after their child... you are the one who is saving them megabucks. I am curious - does the child have a tablet / computer? Does he watch television at home? Do the screen-time restrictions apply only to you?

Grandma’s house: grandma’s rules, especially as you are giving a considerable boost to your AC’s finances by offering free childcare.

When my two children were little I only let them watch children’s TV in the afternoon, not in the morning or the daytime. However, when I paid childminders I accepted they would allow the offspring some daytime TV time, from which the children actually learnt a lot. Even if they hadn’t it was hardly down to me to dictate a regime where total attention and engagement from the carers was to be had for an amount per hour. I had left my children in the childminders’ care so I had to trust their judgement.

I am afraid that if your AC are threatening you over half an hour’s TV the balance of power is in their court and they might well ‘flounce’ if you challenge them outright as would be your right to do.

A tactful and pleasant, non threatening, ‘conversation ‘ about how the situation of a young child and a seventy year old is perhaps becoming beyond you might well focus their minds on their very real advantage you are giving them with free childcare.

Oh my dear Lady I so feel for you. Had very similar with one of my son's but turned it around and told them my house, my way, if not happy find childcare elsewhere. He soon came round! I'm 56 have 5 grandkids & 4 step grandkids. Love them all dearly but sometimes I tell little white lies as not to have any of them. So tiring

What happens at Grandma's stays at Grandma's. If they don't like it then find other childcare. How ungrateful.