A few minutes of tv . I am now an arch-criminal

MittensMum

I just had a right royal telling off for letting my toddler grandson watch 20 minutes of children’s tv after he had behaved beautifully all day and asked very nicely.
I received a lecture on respecting his parents’ wishes and will now be blamed for all his temper tantrums for the rest of the day and for the problems he will cause at bedtime.
I am nearly 70 and look after him all day three days a week.
I now wish I hadn’t admitted to my lapse but really needed to sit down quietly for a while.

'He asked nicely to watch TV' That tells me he watches TV when hes at home!!!

Maybe suggest to your daughter that she finds an afternoon nursery, because you are too exhausted to look after him all day.

I looked after my GC from 9 months, We went to various babyclubs each morning, home for lunch then they fell asleep watching CBBs. My only orders were, please don't let them sleep past 2.30...lol

Be strong and don't let your daughter guilt trip you..

I try my very best to respect my adult children's / their wives' instructions regarding childcare, but there are limits to what I can physically and mentally cope with. I find it exhausting, and sometimes do exactly what you did, for the sake of my own well-being.
Luckily, they don't mind. In fact, I find that allowing one DGC a bit of TV after lunch helps me settle her (and sometimes me!) for a nap afterwards, something that she has long refused to do at home, even though they would like her to!

I am absolutely with those who have said that if the parents cannot accept what you feel you can do, and allow you some flexibility, they should pay a professional to do the job!

How dare they! And what is wrong with a little TV? I have enjoyed watching some of the programmes with my GC - Peppa Pig became a firm favourite as the stories were amusing and often made strong points about manners, consideration and so on. I have also hugely enjoyed some of the films that are made for children. I would get very cross indeed about being told off for doing what you have done - how ungrateful they are, and lacking in consideration for you.

Chewbacca

Repeat after me:

Your House; Your Rules. My House; My Rules. Don't agree with it? Find someone else to look after your child for free.

This was just what I was going to say. Three days a week is a big chunk of your time.
If they do not like it tell them to find a childminder and see if they offer the service free or what they charge per hour.
They both need to apologise to you.

They are taking the mick…if you are looking after their child you are entitled to do it your way. If they don’t like it, get them to find another mug to provide free childcare!

Don't be upset MittensMum.. My daughter reacted just the same, many years ago with her 1st child who was then a toddler. I was well and truly told off. 12 months later she had her 2nd child and all the TV rules disappeared. Her eldest is now nearly 17 and over the years I have been subjected to countless recriminations over this and that, things I have done incorrectly to her way of thinking. Close your ears and remind her you managed somehow to raise her. Cheeky Madam

How true, with all the NC stuff its a constant worry for many

Sometimes grandparents are afraid to speak up for fear of causing a rift or being stopped from seeing their grandchildren, so they put up with all sorts. I know several who have done this.

I work in childcare and twenty minutes tv is not a problem. Being told off is after free childcare!

Perhaps your GS's parents should write out a schedule of his daily activities they expect you to provide. Once having a look just tell them you are not a professional nanny and they should seek what they are looking for elsewhere. 3 days a week, no doubt free and you are not allowed a 20 minute sit down even in the company of the child I would be withdrawing help or at least reducing help to one day a week.

Oh gawd! Looking after toddlers can be very hard work, goodness me you haven’t let him loose in the goody cupboard, ( if they have got one) 20 mins out of a full day is nothing, I bet he loved it and you too, having the chance to relax for few mins, I would be reducing the hours sadly! And I wouldn’t be allowing any of my AC to give me a right royal telling off for looking after their child! Quite honestly I think you are doing well 3 full days a week at 70 years old also don’t feel guilty for admitting to your lapse as you put it, you wanted the little one to watch a tv programme and he had asked so nicely, I think they need to cut a bit of slack here, and appreciate what you are doing for them

I am living with my youngest DD while my house purchase goes through, and I am co parenting 3 children, 2 under 5! so I completely get why TV will be on for a while!
I find looking after the children absolutely exhausting! and am only in my late 50’s (though recovering from cancer) I am also working part time from home and I am afraid the gold standard isnt always apparent here? I would tell them that if they want free child care in this way then they have to let you do things your way!
I do find that many AC expect an awful lot of child care help in a way that we never did And yes, I also worked full time so could have done with help, but it never occurred to us to ask for this level of help nor was it offered??‍♀️ So I think a bit of appreciation if your efforts is called for rather than a telling off!

You are a lovely Gran, I am with the other posters, if the parents do not like it jog on. Three days a week is alot of free childcare.
20 minutes tv at that age is not alot, he asked nicely and he got rewarded. You then could have a break.
Blossoming you may have not meant to criticise when you said the OP went against the parents wishes, I would say tough, what about the Grans wishes, she is 70, tired, but also in charge of this child, like others said if they do not like it they should find alternative childcare, and then see the dent childcare makes in their monthly pay.

Well said chewbacca

So if Granny sticks the 18 month old in front of the TV, yeah, Granny is wrong. But a 3 year old is different. However, the parents' direct instructions should be followed. If Granny doesn't want to follow the rules, Granny doesn't need to watch the child.

Claiming you know it all because you raised your kids is irrelevant. Times have changed, and today's world has different rules and different problems. Grandparents make better carers if they keep up to date and follow the parents instructions.

Times haven't just changed for you oldmom; they've also changed for grandparents too. We're doing you a favour in looking after your children for free so that you can go about your business. We don't have to do this you know. We have hobbies, jobs of our own, friends to see and club memberships to attend; we've done our time of child raising and so what were doing for you now is a favour. You have every right to dictate how many minutes you child sits in front of a tv screen; you have every right to demand that your child is fed to your specific requirements. But not when your leaving your child in my care, at my house, in my time. Go and pay a professional the going rate for that.

Today's world does have different rules and these are ours!

Sorry Mittens Mum, that probably doesn't really help as I expect you want to keep seeing him, but with a less rigid dictat. Do explain you look after him as best you can, love him hugely, but suggest that perhaps a few minutes television when he's too tired to do other things is helpful for you to both recharge your batteries. Good luck. Plus, I still think they need knocking off their high horses ?

How patronising some folk are and how frightened of a few minutes television. British made programmes for small ones are very cleverly designed to enhance cognitive development. Peppa for a few minutes a day has expanded my little DGS's vocabulary hugely. We watch it together and discuss and laugh throughout! Parents should give huge gratitude and thanks to you. It's amazing what you are doing. They are ungrateful and ignorant if they think TV is the devil incarnate. Let them pay a professional if they want to play the big I am!

oldmum, what about the needs of the granny.

As my daughter would say, your house your rules.

I agree with others . Recently I was asked to have my grandchildren to sleepover for two nights instead of one and I said sorry it is too much for me . So don,t mention the tV watching just say you have been finding 3 days very tiring and would like to cut down to two or whatever you feel able to enjoy. It is then up to them to find a solution .

Seems like a first child rule to me. I had the same one with my first, as did my AC with DGC1. We all relented a bit with child 2! I do think they need a gentle reminder that you are 70 and 3 and you both need a short rest and a cuddle at the end of the day. Also at 70 you are far too old to be told off so better manners from them would be appreciated and it would be better to think about the reason first and suggest an alternative solution to TV if they can suggest one, as someone said earlier. I am 5 years younger than you, look after DGC for differing periods of time most weekdays, and we have TV on for 20 mins after tea, while we are waiting for Daddy, because we all need chill out time without falling asleep. Congratulations in contributing to a polite and well-behaved DGC, I think you are doing marvellous work - and it is work.

Ps, the tv time was usually Disney, and the same films! We used to enjoy singing all the songs together. Children can learn a lot from the tv.

I haven’t read all the posts, but as a direct response to you, I would be saying ‘ no’ to anymore, unless you knew this from the outset, and didn’t discuss first. It’s not something I would have agreed to though.

I looked after my eldest grandchild for three days a week, and I was only 54. If I hadn’t have had tv time, I couldn’t have done it. When she first came to me she was 9 months old, and having two sleeps a day. She was going to nursery when I finished. Tv time started around 2 years I think, after the lunchtime sleep, ( about an hour). I used to walk all over with her, and needed the break.

Needless to say, she is 9 now, and bright as a button. If the parents don’t want this, then they should find alternative care.

Hear Hear! Chewbacca.

Exactly Lucca. I'm sure the OP is much more than 'granny'.