A few minutes of tv . I am now an arch-criminal

Oldmom. So rude. Patronising. Narrow minded.

20 minutes per day at age 5 6 or 7 ??? In an ideal world with limitless resources and energy maybe.
My grandchildren read loads di a lot of creative and physical
Activity but they
Still watch more than that.. not every day but often. And speaking as a retired teacher i can tell you they doing fine

What a cheek. We looked after our granddaughter regularly when she was growing up. She watched a fair bit of TV. We didn't use it as a baby sitter but let her watch it. She has just graduated from uni and has a really good job. She is clever, polite and kind.

If they want you to provide (free?) childcare, it should be on YOUR terms. We all grew up with TV and not all of us are brain dead or convicted criminals!

Is the time with your grandchild mostly enjoyable or mostly a chore? If you do enjoy a lot of it then you have to work out what you are prepared to put up with from the parents, but definitely I would not stand for being told off in my own home. Either work out what you feel able to cope with i.e. perhaps still 3 days a week but a lesser time each day, or one less day, whichever makes more sense for you and not decided by the parents timetable. Then you can politely offer to still do whatever you feel happy doing but make it clear that to continue with the present timetable they must be prepared for you to do things in the way that provides safety and pleasure for both you and the grand child. If they do not like the situation then they should look at other child care, when they will quickly find out how lucky they have been having all the help and care you have given. Then you can return to the role of granny /grandchild. When my son was little we lived nowhere near any relatives and I did not expect them to bale me out. I got together with other parents and we organised some mutual help with children between ourselves and it was just a pleasure to have time with grannies . I know many people do have to rely on their parents for help but they do need to accept that as we are getting older we need to behave in perhaps different ways than we did 10 years ago. I hope that sorting this out makes the parents thankful for all you do do and leads to a better relationship for you all

Frankly I would politely suggest to them that they make alternative child care arrangements if they don’t consider your standards good enough

We looked after 3 dgc from babies up until they started grammar school for two days each week. We were trusted to do as we thought best. And tv was certainly not banned but also not used as a baby sitter.
They are fabulously rounded loving and biddable kids and in the top 1% of their year. We are so proud of them.
And mum and dad have never objected to our methods. Most appreciative.

Wow they are unbelievably cheeky, you are wonderful for helping them out. It’s exhausting but rewarding having grandchildren.

What happens grandmas stays at grandmas. Free childminding. They should be grateful. Also if you need 20 mins to have a cuppa and chill you are allowed to put a suitable program on

I do agree with respecting wishes but it’s equally important his parents understand your needs I.e. you need a bit of a breather during your stint of looking after him - I feel a chat is required!

Your house, you decide, if they are insistent then I would tell them that next time he askes nicely I will tell him mummy and daddy say no. Then when he plays up because he's not allowed then it's their fault not your's.

But better people if they don't accept being patronised by parents who are too tight to pay for the kind of care they desire.

A lot depends on how old the toddler is. Current guidelines recommend no screen time at all under 2. I pretty much stuck to that with my son, who is now 8.

Between 2 and 7, 20 minutes a day is appropriate, if the screen time is suitable.

So if Granny sticks the 18 month old in front of the TV, yeah, Granny is wrong. But a 3 year old is different. However, the parents' direct instructions should be followed. If Granny doesn't want to follow the rules, Granny doesn't need to watch the child.

Claiming you know it all because you raised your kids is irrelevant. Times have changed, and today's world has different rules and different problems. Grandparents make better carers if they keep up to date and follow the parents instructions.

Totally agree. Your house — your rules.
I always took into account my daughters requests when looking after her two children from a very young age Although it was not always possible to stick to them I did my best. I live 500 miles away so my my time with my grandchildren is very concentrated over a period of 2/3 weeks.
It is totally exhausting looking after babies/toddlers and when they get older it does get easier.
I started in my mid fifties and I’m now 63.
As long as your grandchild is safe, cared for, fed and happy is all that matters in my opinion.
My mantra is when my grandchildren are with me it’s Gran’s rules. When they are with their parents/other grandparents it’s their rules.

Your care, your rules!

Perfectly summed up by Chewbacca. Certainly applied when DH and I were looking after young grandchildren and it was never queried, because we were doing the most enormous favour, for love of family.

Did you know in advance that television was banned

But it's a fact well known by all parents that grandparents are supposed to break the rules sometimes!! Mostly the parents just pretend they don't know it is happening

Well if they dont like it then they can pay for childcare but even nurseries and child minders have screen time!!

As long as its not all day every day, the odd programme with maybe you watching with him so you can talk about it later, sing the songs together etc seems absolutely fine!!

^Did you know in advance that television was banned?

If you did, I understand the reactions from the child's parents^

That would be appropriate if Mittensmum was an employee. However, she doesn’t mention being paid so she is doing this for love. A bit of appreciation wouldn’t go amiss.

We look after our GD fortnightly. My dd says she trusts us completely, as she turned out so well!

Chewbacca

Repeat after me:

Your House; Your Rules. My House; My Rules. Don't agree with it? Find someone else to look after your child for free.

This!!

grandtanteJE65

Did you know in advance that television was banned?

If you did, I understand the reactions from the child's parents.

In their answers no-one seems to take into consideration that some small children can be very upset by something in a children's programme that no-one else has ever found upsetting.

I once knew a little girl of two who adored Barbar the Elephant, but could not bear the scene were little Celestine is given a new pink dress! Nothing scary about that to a grown-up, but the child could literally not watch it and would run out of the room, or ask us to spool on past it on a video.

Next time you need a rest which is after all only reasonable, read a book to him! But don't watch TV with him if it leads to this kind of fuss - he will sooner or later tell his parents that you let him watch it, and you neither could, should or will, I am sure, teach him to lie.

Totally shocked by this post. So preachy. So holier than thou.

Don’t you think OP already does sit and read a book to the toddler ?

I would suggest to them that if they want a strict regime for their 3 year old then a private nursery would fit the bill. I suspect t though that free childminding whilst laying down the rules suits them better, so they need to lighten up a bi5 or jog on.

Well I say well done to all of you, I looked after my first GD sixteen years ago for just 1 year and it was really hard work. Children are so different these days and seem to need constant stimulation. I had 5 children and much as I love my GC I don't offer any more, I've done enough it's time for me now.
I used to put my sons in front of the fish tank to watch the fish and they've all grown up well

I think you are well within your rights to raise this, diplomatically, with the parents i.e that as much as you like doing it, you sometimes find all day child care tiring without some quiet sit down time, and that when you need a break in the day that a half an hour or so TV/dvd break may form part of the
arrangements, providing that you only permit child to watch suitable programmes for the child's age. You are not a nursery school after all. If the parents aren't happy about this perhaps you doing half day's child care might be better alternative, but be mindful that you might be 'punished' for not carrying their conditions of having the child. Your conditions are equally valid consideration.

I am aware that some parents desire to raise their child in a totally TV free world, but I think it unreasonable to impose this outside their own homes.

Puglady

As a 67 year old grandmother, I too looked after my granddaughter for 3 days a week from 6 months to 3 years and it is tiring. I would be exhausted for the rest of the week, so quite understand the need for a little break.
Now I don't get to see her hardly at all, because I had the cheek to complain that I was excluded from her birthday celebrations.
Don't see why we have to pussyfoot around our kids where is the respect for us as parents.

Terrible that you were excluded. Agree with you regarding respect.

They are ungrateful. You are providing free childcare and you need a break if you have the child 3 days a week. Your house, your rules.