A few minutes of tv . I am now an arch-criminal

When our GC visit, either with or without their parents, being given treats or activities that they may not have at home is what makes the visit special for them. If our AC are present I sometimes ask if it's OK, they rarely refuse.

Quite frankly I don't think my AC would ever tell me off for doing it, they know I'd give back as good as I got! In our house it's very much a case of 'my house my rules', and if I want to give them sweets or cakes or let them climb trees or splash in puddles then I will.

After spending all day with a small child, twenty minutes of TV so that you can sit quietly and relax is not a crime, it's a necessity!

Remind his parents that child care is exhausting at your age, and a few minutes quiet time in front of the TV was pleasant for both of you, and any tantrum or bedtime problems are probably a response to their rigid rules at home. Point out that they're always free to find alternative child care and pay for the privilege, but while he's in your care you reserve the right to make the rules to suit your situation. I realise that might mean they place him with a childminder, but she too will have her own rules for children in her care.

Don't be bullied by your children!

Three days a week of free childcare must be worth thousands to them ! It soon gets taken for granted doesn’t it ! Then they’ve the cheek to criticise a nice cosy little bit of TV . They need to stop and think a moment!

GrandtanteJE65, reading a book to a toddler constitutes ‘having a rest’ only in the sense that you are presumably sitting down.
In no way does it constitute a proper mental switch-off as well.

I don’t mind admitting that even with only one very little one, I could not have coped if it hadn’t been guaranteed that she’d have one good nap during the day.

Might add that I once did 5 consecutive days of childcare of a 19 month old, while the baby was in ICU with bronchiolitis - obviously dd needed to be with him.

At the end of it I came home feeling like a wet rag, promptly went down with a stinking cold, and right after that, shingles.

I still put all that down to my immune system being compromised by sheer knackeredness.

The problem with confronting our children/in law is that they could retaliate and make it awkward for you to see the DGC, which for us grandparents would be unbearable.

Three days a week is a lot - however much you love the tiny person you will need some respite.
I'm sure you were very careful about what he watched.
I would tell his parents that they need to be accepting of this but also that if they trust you to care for their child for almost half the week they also need to trust your judgement.
A bit of appropriate TV with a tiny tot especially if you are able to sit and share it with them can be just as good as any sort of play.

Until the pandemic I was doing 3 full days a week with 3 different households. I did school runs, playgroups etc. I didn’t realise how tired I was until it stopped! I’m now doing one day a week with a 4 year old who will soon start school. My husband is involved and I still find it tiring! Fortunately for me the AC don’t set too many rules apart from about what they’re allowed to eat. With tv I’ve always stuck to CBeebies which is very educational. I agree with those who have said that you shouldn’t put up with your AC’s attitude but admit that I shy away from confrontation so sympathise greatly with your predicament.

When we are looking after our GC my dd calls it ‘no rules’ time. My Dh had both GC for 2 days a week when our DD went back to work and she accepts that chocolate, milkshakes and tv are part of everyday life. We only had slip up when dgs was into Medieval history and loved watching a fighting programme and a swear came on just as Dd came home I had never heard a swear word in the programme before. Anyway he has a vast knowledge of weaponry in medieval times.
Both children have turned out great and are a pleasure to take out.
I do feel that AC can expect to much. If a child is sick a nursery would not look after them but grandparents do.

Agree with everyone.. Tell them to jog on!

NanaK54, ? right on! (what planet are they living on?! )

MittensMum, HUGE respect to you for giving as much as you do.

Sarnia you deserve a medal for all that child care now you are in your seventies.
Reading some of these posts makes me relieved that my grandchildren are in their twenties and thirties now.

The parents' wishes need to be respected' doesn't always cut it, if you are a 70 year old gran, rather than a paid employee.
With regard to 20 mins children's tv: hiw do people imagine many children have learned during this past year and a half! BBC children's TV specifically geared programmes to facilitate home schooling.
I can't agree that either all TV is bad for children, or that it is acceptable to treat family frankly doing a favour, as paid servants

My son says if you delegate you have to accept what is done.

As a 67 year old grandmother, I too looked after my granddaughter for 3 days a week from 6 months to 3 years and it is tiring. I would be exhausted for the rest of the week, so quite understand the need for a little break.
Now I don't get to see her hardly at all, because I had the cheek to complain that I was excluded from her birthday celebrations.
Don't see why we have to pussyfoot around our kids where is the respect for us as parents.

Totally shocked by the behaviour of your adult child and their partner. Imo they are completely taking the p***. They both obviously work which is their choice but are unwilling to pay for professional child care. They probably have a much higher lifestyle than we grannies had as young Mums back in the day. The rules of the childcare should be arrived at mutually and not just what this selfish pair would like in an ideal world. Granny's age in particular must be considered and in my experience as a 75yr old granny with a three year old granddaughter that I occasionally look after, a bit of CBeebies (which is very educational) is the only time my granddaughter will sit down quietly giving me the chance of a cuppa and put my feet up. How dare you AC give you a telling off! It's them that need the metaphorical slap round the legs.

You are 70 and looking after your grandson 3 days a week! For goodness sake they need to realise that you may need a rest.
If they dont like just 20mins a day of tv then tell them to find a nursery to have their son.
You are doing your very best for him and they need to realise that and be thankful to you instead of moaning at you

Did you know in advance that television was banned?

If you did, I understand the reactions from the child's parents.

In their answers no-one seems to take into consideration that some small children can be very upset by something in a children's programme that no-one else has ever found upsetting.

I once knew a little girl of two who adored Barbar the Elephant, but could not bear the scene were little Celestine is given a new pink dress! Nothing scary about that to a grown-up, but the child could literally not watch it and would run out of the room, or ask us to spool on past it on a video.

Next time you need a rest which is after all only reasonable, read a book to him! But don't watch TV with him if it leads to this kind of fuss - he will sooner or later tell his parents that you let him watch it, and you neither could, should or will, I am sure, teach him to lie.

As a single parent both my Mum and Dad would support me with childcare many years ago.
Not only was I extremely grateful, it allowed me to study / work but it gave my boy's the opportunity to have a close, loving relationship with them - which thankfully they did.

I had absolute and total trust in them both and my son's have wonderful memories of being with them...yes, they did allow things that perhaps I wouldn't occasionally but isn't that part of the package?
I credit them with helping raise two wonderful men!

Do they just turn their TV in when he goes to bed, probably not. I'm sure he enjoyed sitting watching it with you, just a bit of time out together, I know some kids who sit with mobile phones in front of them. If they want someone to run around entertaining him all day long they should maybe think of a nursery school.

Point out that if tantrums occur it is not while you are looking after him. What the parents do or say before these tantrums is worth investigation.
Has DD heard that children who watch tv with texts tend to learn to recognise words?
Otherwise I think I would have to admit 3 days is too much - but prepare yourself for DD’s tantrum and her putting DGS in a nursery for the three days

Mittensmum , I absolutely empathise with you and I know how exhausting a toddler can be. I don't think it's a big deal to have a short amount of screen time.
I have been looking after my DGC 3 days a week for about 3 years, first my DGD until she started nursery, and now my DGS since 1 yr old, he will soon be 2 yrs. All in all, I've clocked up a lot of hours and some days are up to 10 hrs.
However, I and DH (sometimes) have thoroughly enjoyed caring for them, but indeed it is a labour of love.
In all this time, we've had nothing but appreciation from our DS and DIL, I am sure they realise the value of our help, early starts, late pick ups etc.
I would be very upset if they criticised how I look after
them, they know they are well cared for and they don't have to worry.
Luckily, they both have always taken a good nap after lunch, which allows me to catch up and have a rest.
If you are finding it too tiring, you could always cut down by a day each week, when they can arrange alternative childcare perhaps you will be appreciated a bit more.

Tell them it’s time to find a new sitter. At our age a toddler for more than a few hours is a big ask. You should be enjoying your time with him not looking to have a rest. Get your time back for yourself, you’ve earned it.

Would like to know if they ban TV completely at their home? Are they really never that tired that they don't bend ' their ' rules.? Our GC do not have time on computers at home but allowed here as it's so tiring for us otherwise. It is carefully timed and supervised. It gives us time for a cup of coffee and a sit down. Either they let you do your thing or get someone else to look after GC ie pay!

FGS, MittensMum, I’d be withdrawing my childcare services PDQ! I’d tell them they’re more than welcome to find a (usually very expensive) alternative.

I was 67 when the first Gdc arrived (there are now 3) and I don’t mind admitting that when doing regular childcare* I found the likes of CBeebies a godsend for when I needed a bit of peace.

I don’t think parents often realise how much more tiring young children can be when you’re getting on a bit.

*no regular childcare any more, but still do one offs/emergencies, inc. having the 2 elder (5 and 6) to stay now and then during the holidays. If my dd told me they weren’t allowed to watch any TV at all, she’d soon find herself paying for full time holiday club instead! But I doubt it’d even occur to her.

I think they are lucky to have you and they are being unreasonable. 20 minutes of tv and you get a telling off!
That's not fair.

My thoughts exactly nanaK54.
I wouldn`t believe for one minute the parents don`t let the child watch tv whilst tehy are concentrating on something.