Nearly 50 shops a day are disappearing from British High Streets and Prince Charles must shoulder a large portion of the blame.
“The days when one could pop into Woolies and buy a pick ‘n’ mix of an MBE, CBE and a knighthood are long gone,” said wealthy Saudi businessman Shiekh Williams.
“These days, city centres are full of charity shops, branches of Costa and pop-up stores selling lucrative government contracts.
“It’s a shame, but one cannot deny the convenience of logging on to charlieshonoursshop.co.uk, ordering a CBE on a phone and having it delivered to your door the very next day.
“I’ve just made my mum a Dame for her 80th and I’ve already finished my Christmas shopping – honours for the whole family!”
Prince Charles has defended his new Internet store.
“Buying knighthoods online is so much better for the environment,” he explained. “Nobody has to drive to town in a gas-guzzling four by four.
“Sure, it took mother a little while to get used to travelling around in the back of a delivery van with her ceremonial sword but she’s fully on board with the concept now.