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Keeping in touch

(9 Posts)
Newatthis Mon 23-Aug-21 13:08:59

I am very good at keeping in touch and have many friends who I have kept contact with for many years, However, with one particular friend whom I now known for more than 43 years and lives some distance away, it is me who always makes contact first. She always promises when we finish the call that she will call me but never does, I always have to make the first move and call her back. When I am with here it is as it I am her best friend, to the point that she wants me to move nearer to where she lives. She said she would call (10 months ago!) and as yet, she hasn't. I have been holding off as quite frankly, after 43 years of being a very good and supportive friend to her, I have had enough of the relationship being a little one way as far as contact is concerned. I have mentioned it to her and she just responds by saying that she is so busy but she always finds time for socialising (a lot) with her local friends so me thinks a short phone call, once a month perhaps, is not too much to ask.

Magnolia62 Mon 23-Aug-21 13:18:01

I wouldn’t hold your breath. I was very good friends with someone for a few years when our children were young. We did a lot together and were close. However, for the last 15 years we drifted apart and I only see her every few years when we bump into each other. We usually have a good chat and catch up and end with her checking my phone number and address are still the same and she says she will contact me for a meet up. It never happens and is now a source of amusement. The last time was over three years ago when she was off to see her daughter for a week. She promised to contact me when she got back. Still waiting.

tanith Mon 23-Aug-21 13:28:10

I have two people like this one a friend of 40yrs and one a colleague and friend I worked closely with for 12 yrs they both met me for lunch(not together) 3yrs ago at my instigation and often like or respond to FB posts but they both at different times say “we must have lunch” I respond by saying well I’m free most days name the day. It never happens one messaged me to say I’m off work next week we’ll have lunch, I heard no more but I’m no longer going to be the instigator if they want to see me they have to try harder 😅

ginny Mon 23-Aug-21 13:32:49

I think some people are just meant to enter your life for a time and then leave again. Others become a permanent much treasured fixture.
Personally I think if you are the only one making an effort to keep the friendship going then it is maybe not meant to be.

Grandmabatty Mon 23-Aug-21 13:36:26

I think the "we must catch up soon," is the new goodbye. I have a few acquaintances who parrot this phrase - I took them off the friend list - and they never get in touch but put some anodyne comments on Facebook. I just ignore such statements.

NotSpaghetti Mon 23-Aug-21 14:45:27

I am very BAD at keeping in touch.
I do have every intention of keeping up but am just not good at it.

If I know there's a problem or crisis I will drop everything and support but just don't do the day-to-day so well.

I am not going to excuse myself but I do know it's because my dearest friends are chatter boxes. And so am I. A phone call has to be "cut short" at an hour whether its the next day or a month or a year later. It's not like my mother-in-law who makes 10 minute calls but does so with regularity "I'm going to phone x on Saturday evening as it will have been 3 weeks" or "I call y on the last thursday of the month after bridge".

I spoke to a friend this week who I'd not called since before Christmas and was on nearly two hours. My ear was sore afterwards!
We wept together, hooted with laughter, got angry about politics. We discussed "women's rights" and protesting and said "let's catch up on family things soon!"... we hadn't got round to our families...
Needless to say, although I sent her a postcard with a personal message if we are honest we know we are unlikely to chat for another 6 months or more.

So I suppose its partly who you are and what you need from a friendship and who your friends are and what they need.

I dearly love my (very few) good friends - and I know that I'm loved back in spite of the time that passes.

Oopsadaisy1 Mon 23-Aug-21 16:11:45

Does it really matter? If you enjoy chatting to her does it matter who calls who first?

Sara1954 Mon 23-Aug-21 16:14:29

I have been there.
My best and dearest friend just seemed to make excuses every time I suggested we met up, and it seemed to be always me ringing her.
So I stopped and waited, that was about ten years ago, and I’m still waiting.
I look back and realise that had I not always kept in touch, arranged family get togethers, it probably would have died a death years ago.
Sad really.

MissAdventure Mon 23-Aug-21 16:19:32

I'm bad at keeping in touch.
Time passes, and I have lots to do, constantly, and I get overwhelmed with "stuff to do".
I hope my (unsurprisingly few) friends realise that it's just how I am.