Grandchildren’s lack of using cutlery

It annoyed me when my grandchildren ate everything with their fingers, including jelly, but meals were an ordeal when I was a child. There were numerous rules, strictly imposed, because manners were more important than enjoying your food. I remember sobbing over the fish or other objects of disgust which I was not allowed to leave.
Thank goodness for more relaxed mealtimes now.

I don't think anyone's mentioned the spork yet, have they? That's all my American cousin's kids used - for anything. I'd never heard of this wonderous implement before (2003) and they were astonished that I'd never seen one.
I have to say that our GC (8 & 10) have excellent table manners, including cutlery, but sometimes, we 'do' finger foods, like fajitas - they also have eclectic tastes. Last time it was satay chicken skewers. Please and thank you feature as well.
The two habits I really do hate are chewing with mouth open and phones at meal times.

well, apart from eating with mouth full, i see nothing objectionable in that except your snobbish attitude.
Teacheranne you are not a lone voice here. hello.

Your post has just reminded me of when we invited our twenty something gardener in for a roast dinner, he'd been working with us on a project all morning.

My kids (about 8 and 10) faces were a picture when he started eating - both arms on the table, speaking with his mouth full, eating lumps of roast potato from his fork, and to top it all, he asked for apple sauce to go with his beef! I didn't say a word .....

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Bluebelle I wasn’t specifically referring to the original post, more a comment about some of the contributions on the thread which seem a tad sanctimonious to me. It’s up to their parents to decide on how they eat and in reality I’m sure most children will comply to expectations when they are ready, children don’t like being different. I’ve never taught a secondary aged child who could not use cutlery when eating school dinners.

You’ve now got me thinking now about when I use my fingers to eat - although I am one of those odd people who do use a knife and fork to eat pizza in a restaurant! I might use my hands/fingers to eat the odd chip off my plate, pick up a chicken leg or ribs to gnaw on , beef burgers, hot dogs, bits of salad, things to dip or when using bread to soak up the gravy!

A child of 7 isn’t a high chair child teacheranne and I do think table manners are as important as toilet training or washing hands training If it’s a generational thing then it’s got very sloppy I am a very easy going person certainly no Victorian gran but I wouldn’t like my grand children eating with their fingers apart from pizza even chicken nuggets can be pronged I ve never known a child not want to use implements What do you do when you take them to a restaurant /party/ wedding etc etc
I don’t think it’s the most important thing to teach a child but I think it’s pretty important Thankfully it’s never happened in my extended family never ever seen a child eat real food with their fingersapart from snacks or pizza

Sorry, delete the word your in the first line!

I really don’t understand why anyone is bothered about how your children eat in their own homes. If parents are happy with their children using their fingers or making a mess or refusing certain foods then that’s up to them. In some ways, I’m more concerned about the type of food served, junk food is fine for some meals, but not all the time so with my grandchildren, I offered healthy options as well.

If a child were eating at my house with their parents I would not make a fuss although I would put down a plastic sheet under the high chair of a messy eater to protect my carpet, then we can all relax. I admit to disliking waste and never over fill a plate for youngsters but again, I don’t make a fuss and cause a scene at the table.

I think it’s important to offer children a wide variety of food, very small tastes of new things without any pressure to eat it all up. Most children learn by copying and my own adult children
have good table manners without it being forced upon them, they just copied what we did. Cutlery was put out at every meal for them to use but I wasn’t upset if they used fingers although I would suggest a spoon for runny food or help them get the fork the right way round etc.

I’ve never seen a grown up in a restaurant eating sloppy food with their fingers but quite a few use the American methods of cutting up all the food then putting the knife down and just using a fork. That’s not how I eat but I don’t care if others do that.

Enough said, I am obviously not in agreement with any of the posters here, it might be a generation thing, there are more important things to worry about than table manners in young children.

One of our DGDs, aged about eight at the time, and who we don't see very often said she didn't like stew or gravy or baked beans. It transpired it was because she didn't like using a knife and fork and was picking up everything (broccoli, chips, meat) in her fingers. It was very frustrating waiting for her to eat all her peas.

She did love dressing up as a princess however. So we told her she'd never be able to have tea with the queen or any famous celebrity if she couldn't use a knife and fork. Last time she visited we had to wait for her to finish while she (sitting erect and perfect) carefully ate her meal with perfect manners. Everything cut small and no turning the fork over to eat the peas!

I was delighted when my son said that he appreciated the way we had brought him up to eat at the table and use cutlery correctly. He had noticed how companies invited potential employees to dinner and judged them according to their manners.

My DGS uses the childsize cutlery I bought for them, he's 7 and has Down Syndrome, he sometimes uses fingers but usually manages with the cutlery

Grandma70s I remember the spoon and pusher set - not for myself but for my younger sister (9 years younger than me so I was in charge of keeping her in line in her highchair!). We called them the "pusher and shover" set - one to push the food onto the spoon and the other to shove it in the mouth!

I have just realised how out of touch I am, after watching two adverts for food last night. One was for pizza, plonked on the coffee table and eaten out of the box without cutlery, plates or napkins, so plenty of greasy fingers; the other for KFC, when the child sat at a table but took the nuggets(?) out of the box and dunked them in the pot using his fingers.
No wonder infections spread.

The holding knife like a pen prejudice has roots in practicality.
One has a much better grip for cutting holding it with the whole hand.
My (working class) father used to scoff at my mother for holding her knife like a pen as he knew it came from mistaken beliefs in refinement.

Blondiescot
I had the same experience, mine was always Sunday lunch, which I hated, and could chew the meat for hours, but never swallow it, so out it would come for Sunday tea, cruel really.
My oldest daughter was picky and I used to get her to sit there till she’d at least eaten something, then one day I just thought, what is the point of all this? She isn’t going to starve, so that was the end of that.

Magnolia63

My guess is that their father doesnt cook either?

why not just put out what's available and let them choose what they want. serve themselves if able to, or be helped if not.
i always held my knife like a pen, don't see how it affects anyone else, never noticed how anyone else did it.
i had an old fashioned friend when i was late teenager.
she would put down an enormous long knife to eat a simple meal with, like cheese and tom on toast.
i could hardly lift it, so took the smaller one nearby.
she objected that that was the wrong knife, even though it had been set down for me to use.
i took no notice and used it.
all that nonsense just seems ridiculous to me.

Sara1954

Blondiescot
I absolutely agree, I don’t think children should have to eat up every last morsel if they are full, on the other hand, they can’t be full one minute, and starving the next, and looking for snacks.
I also don’t think they should ever be expected to eat something they don’t like, problem with that is that it tends to vary day to day.

Absolutely - I always encourage my grandson to try a bit of everything on his plate. If he doesn't like something, that's fine - and then we can try it again a few weeks later, maybe. I grew up with a mother who insisted I eat everything on the plate - and if I didn't, it was served up to me for the next meal! There was one time - with liver - that this went on for about three days before she finally realised I just couldn't eat it. I vowed then and there never to put my children through the same ordeal.

A friend related a time recently when she presented her grandchildren with a home cooked roast dinner. “What’s this Nanny?” they said. “We don’t eat food like this.” Their mum doesn’t cook and they are not used to cooked vegetables!

I’m afraid I do think it’s important. A relative who is a primary teacher is increasingly worried by the amount of children who start school with no knowledge of the most basic things. It’s worrying.

I'll try!

Callistemon: Yogurt allowed as long as you keep your mouth closed while chewing any bits in it.

I just don't want curly hair!

Am I allowed a yogurt afterwards, please?

Callistemon I also leave my crusts ?