The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning

When I am dead, I am dead. Why do I have to worry about it what people will think of me when I am gone?. I am not being selfish and unkind, but that’s the truth.

I live in Sweden and think its a morbid idea not many do it thank goodness. I want my things around me I am not so considerate to my family who will have to tackle the job I had to do it so let’s carry on the tradition I intend staying around for a bit longer!

I've been working on this on and off since the first lockdown - books, ornaments, clothes, photos... I'm quite pleased with the progress I've made. Unfortunately DH will throw nothing away and gets very upset when I press him on this. He has stacks of stuff in the garage - everything from old furniture to jam jars and yogurt pots. I worry about it a lot but DH isn't the least concerned. Our DDs tell me not to worry - they will just order large skips. They seem quite philosophical about it and say "dad wont change" but I think it's very selfish of DH.

As many of you have noted, I also don’t want my son to have to go through what I did when cleaning out my parents’ home after they died. Both of them kept everything. I am now moving myself and down-sizing and it has taken me multiple cycles of sorting through things that should be tossed, donated, etc. It is a LOT of work! Every time I thought I was “done,” I would then realize there was more to be sorted. I’ve always been kind of sentimental but I think losing my DH this past March clarified for me that these things don’t really matter that much. So I have relied upon my phone camera to snap a pic of something that I would years ago have kept and then it gets tossed (respectfully.).

Oh forgot the hundreds of Flypast, Steam Railway, BBC Wildlife Mags, Cycling magazines...Tour de France memorabilia,

My darling died last November...
Over 2,000 books mostly Natural History.
4 large storage boxes crammed with wildlife prints from all over the UK.
60 Wildlife talks on transparencies.
30 on CD
Masses of Music CDs
All of his degree paperwork plus diploma notes.
4 handwritten drafts of his published books.
3 copies of his Biodiversity Action Plan.
I'm exhausted just thinking about it

I hate junk and clutter. When we moved my husband is of the school whereby you just move and sort it out when you get there. BUT of course you don't. I am always going through filing and piles of magazines he's kept to read 'later' and chucking them out. He never notices.

Everything of mine can go in a skip or two.
We may need six .... or more!

My MIL recently died, having been married to my FIL for 53 years.
12 hours after she passed my FIL decided to start ‘sorting’, he found two credit card bills totalling over £6,000 which he knew nothing about (they arent short of money btw) he also found many diaries she had written over the years which did not paint him in a good light at all…. Woops!
I am of the view she wanted him to find it all after death, so def no Swedish sorting for her ?

Everything of mine can go in a skip or two.
There are some photos that may or may not be wanted, but apart from that it's just tat.
So I shall be keeping it as is. and adding to the tat

We have moved house often so belongings have decreased as we went. But we have created a file on our affairs so the children will be able to find all they need easily. Deeds, utilities, accounts etc.

Did not realise it had a name but that is what we are doing at the moment. Moving to, what I hope will be our last home, and throwing out stuff we think the family will not want to have when we are no longer here in the hopes they will find it easier to clear out at a later date. Also making a list of things we want to keep but have some value. Took for ever when MIL died. Things she never used because they were too good all had to be sent to Jumble Sales/Charity shops.

I’ve had a big suitcase jam-packed full of clothes that “I will lose weight and fit into again” for several years. Two weeks ago, there was a post on our local Fc’bk neighbourhood group asking for donations for a fund raising day for a local charity. Four big bags of clothes, five of books and a big box of odds and ends were collected last night. I thought I might feel a bit regretful this morning, but no, actually feel good and motivated to start clearing the spare bedroom which has been a dumping ground for quite a few years.
Like others, I have a very definite tendency to keep stuff “just in case”. Plus I am a hoarder when it comes to books, I have thousands all over the house, and that’s after donating/giving away hundreds over the last two/three years.

This excites and terrifies me in equal measure! I go through phases of tidying small areas ... I feel SO good when I get rid of so much rubbish (we are a family of sentimental hoarders and keepers of just because and useful this and that) ... but then it kills me when I've just got rid of something that I REALLY NEED!! I think I might just save my time and keep everything and leave my kids to deal with it all - it'll serve them right!!

JaneJudge

My Mum is doing this atm, the I don't want you to have to sort it out when I die business whilst dumping half her stuff that she doesn't want me to sort through ROUND MY HOUSE which in turn, I have to go through and then take to the charity shop!

We had this with friends during lockdown. They all decluttered their houses then, instead of going to the tip, spread the clutter around ("I'm sure Petera and partner will have a use for this").

It reminded me of a bottle of home made wine some years ago which moved from house to house each Christmas as the present was in turn given to someone else.

Reminds me of my mum who had several cupboards full of items that had either been given as gifts or were kept for best (like a complete dinner service, and a tea service that at least saw the light of day whenever friends or relatives visited).
She did ask me what I would do with it after she had gone, to which I said "charity shop"!
I didn't get a chance - other family members came in the house while I was on holiday 6 months after she died, and while my dad was staying at my sisters, and cleared everything out! No idea where it all went, my personal belongings including clothing that I had decided not to pack, were just dumped on my bed!

I've done this all my life! I love things kept in order so that if for some reason I had to find anything in the pitch balck-id be able to go straight to it! My ex MiL was German and had lived through WW2 in Berlin, she did the same (pure coincidence!) And her DS? My X? The most untidy creature on god's planet! My eldest DS is like me,and DS the younger-like his papa!

nope. Why would I want to change the way I live now in the expecatation of making it easier when I die? I get decluttering and do it on a regular basis but I am not a minimalist and have no intention of becoming one.

I was touched to see how my parents had kept my earliest hand drawn cards for over 50 years. I have a ‘memory box’ in which I have DD’s and DS’s first shoes. I like to think they will take comfort in knowin just how precious they were to me.

I think that is what I am doing. Since my mum died in July and I'm now back home, I'm sorting through mum's birthday and christmas cards and it's making me realise I need to get rid of 'stuff'. For me though it things from all my hobbies, my main ones being sewing and painting. My house if like Hobbycraft (four sewing machines and an overlocker), no don't laugh.

seacliff

I have a lot of "stuff" that isn't essential to every day living. Like my Mums best tea set, pretty not valuable, I never use it, nor did she! I like seeing it in the glass cabinet, but would I miss it?

Also sentimental stuff like cards from close family, children etc. I know when I pop my cloggs, my boys would bin it all just like that.

I am uncertain how I'd feel if I cleared it all ruthlessly now. Yes there would be more space, but would I then start expecting to die soon?

Just not sure.

That's what I meant in my earlier post. It only just occurred to me to look upon it not as a preparation for The End but as freeing up to make a new beginning.

LullyDully

I don't plan to die yet....but who knows when that will be.
I plan to keep my bits around me to enjoy thank you very much , while I'm still alive.

Let them sort it out, I have moved so many times so some clutter has already gone.

Here's to another 20 years of promising my self to cull the photos.

But that’s just it. So many of us just keep “stuff”, as opposed to things we really enjoy.

It’s about the stuff, not the loved items

My mum had a very interesting life spanning 93 yrs . When she died 12 yrs ago it took all three siblings plus partners about 3 yrs to finally put her flat on the market, having painstakingly sorted and cleared it.
Recently my DSis has found mother's diaries and is working on a biography. So please don't dispose of those diaries onebraincell. They could be vital for future historians.

I had a serious declutter 2 years ago when I moved to a flat in one of those independent living complexes ... I must have got rid of virtually 80% of my stuff. There was no way it would have fit into a one bed small flat.
Now that felt brutal .. throwing away my life. It was a little depressing and sad if I'm honest and I don't rate myself as sentimental or the type who gets attached to material possessions.
But .. I have got a few diaries left and I must remember to dispose of them.
How embarrassing it could be for someone to get to read them .... it'd embarrass me but thankfully I won't be around.

I have a lot of "stuff" that isn't essential to every day living. Like my Mums best tea set, pretty not valuable, I never use it, nor did she! I like seeing it in the glass cabinet, but would I miss it?

Also sentimental stuff like cards from close family, children etc. I know when I pop my cloggs, my boys would bin it all just like that.

I am uncertain how I'd feel if I cleared it all ruthlessly now. Yes there would be more space, but would I then start expecting to die soon?

Just not sure.