'That' type of husband.

This is my third marriage and- third time lucky as the saying goes. I don't think I realised at the time how controlling my second husband was trying to be, mainly as he was away on business a lot. My D(third)H is just wonderful in many ways I'm happy to say. He wouldn't dream of trying to be controlling and supports and helps me with all sorts of things I do even if he isn't directly involved. He'll pick me up or drop me off anywhere at any time if I've decided not to take the car. He gets upset if it sounds like I'm asking permission to go somewhere even although I'm just checking he hasn't previously arranged to go somewhere with the car at the same time. He hates the thought of me ever thinking I need his permission for anything. We do a lot together and wouldn't normally go on holiday separately because we just prefer to go together. I have had friends and acquaintances whose husbands were controlling: financially; not allowing visits to friends or clubs on their own; having to have a meal prepared in advance by their wife if she was going to be out with friends for dinner etc. It is sad that this still goes on. We need to look out for any friends or relatives we have who are in that position as best we can.

Sorry my latest post should read “your husband is neither ..,. “ How does one edit on here ????!

Yammy

Some women don't just have that sort of husband but that sort of son as well.
I'm lucky my husband lets me do what I want and so does he

Yammy I’m sorry I find that sentence VERY disturbing ! You’re husband is brother your parent nor your “owner”
“Let’s me do what I like” “Let’s” Really ….

I’m surprised that so many say they have separate interests to their men, that was mostly the reason that I divorced. He had no interest in my activities or going places that I wanted, I wasn’t particularly interested I the boys things he did. We had very few common interests once the children were older.

Now I have a partner that wants to go places with me and we have a lot of common interests, that suits me much better.

I HAD one of that 'type' of husband - I divorced him!!

My mother used to be very envious of a couple who did everything together; the husband cherished his wife and always supported her at fund-raiding activities such as jumble sales and whist drives while all the other husbands went to the football; he drove her everywhere, always went shopping with her, unusual in the fifties and accompanied her everywhere. They had no children and she didn't work because of poor health, so everyone worried about how she would cope when he died very unexpectedly at quite a young age. When my mother visited her to express sympathy she was met with a lengthy diatribe about how there had never been anything wrong with her health, she wanted children, to work , to drive and to do things on her own, but he controlled everything and wouldn't let her out of his sight. She quickly became a very merry widow and lived an entirely different life.
We did wonder.........

Reading all the other comments on here I do consider that I am much better off than most. Yes I do miss out on Ladies that Lunch just as my husband misses out on Lads night out, but I can freely go along to People that lunch or even peoples night out. I do prefer mixed company as I find people better behaved, yes there are exceptions.
I do wonder if it is the fear of being excluded that make some men behave in a controlling way.

Speaking as a widow of five years GoldenAge you have hit the nail on the head. My husband was a lot older and had been my boss at one time. There was a tendency in the early days for him to try to control me but I think I have gypsy roaming blood somewhere and soon shook that off. Although so very different, our separate activities worked out well and now, although I miss him terribly, I carry on gallivanting around, going on trips and remain MYSELF. I am my own best friend but also like socialising.
If you have been joined at the hip for years on end, what nightmare awaits you if you lose your partner? (It’s a nightmare anyway…)

We've just remodelled our garden much to amusement of young couple next door who find our "domestics" a source of hilarity, harmless banter and daft arguments......and they were gobsmacked how juc hard labour we could manage( they think your muscles drop off after 40!)

Must admit food shopping is hilarious, we wander around the aisles picking all the stuff parents didn't allow us! We like to treat ourselves now it's just us 2 we're like besties and live-in our own bonkers world!

Forsythia

We have a balance. I go to exercise class, he has a ‘boys’ night out at the pub. We both have our own car and I couldn’t imagine having to ask him to drive me somewhere. Having said all that, we like being together and go for a walk nearly every day. We both like RHS and National Trust. He likes being busy with gardening and DIY pottering about. I enjoy reading and knitting. We seem to strike a happy balance.

Were similar Forsythia! Mine is an ex cop of 30 years retired in 2007 so he REALLY retired! He's a completely different person now and generally I call the shots and he loves it , polar opposite of his very stressed job. We both like Nat trust too and he still does brass banding I have choir. We slob out together and have developed themed dinner menus during lockdown i.e. IKEA/bistro/homemade fish and chip café/gourmet restaurant/school dinners! It's great we have a laugh together and we bimble along nicely.when we both worked we were like lone wolves who blitzed whenever shifts allowed time together!

My parents, who were happily married for about 48 years, did just about everything together once they were both retired. Even the food shopping!
It wouldn’t suit me, but each to their own.

It wasn’t a case of a controlling husband, at least I don’t think so, but when I was doing OU courses some years ago I don’t mind admitting I was shocked to hear a woman who must have been 50 odd, saying how dreadfully nervous and brave she’d been, to attend one of their week long residential courses, when she’d never spent even a single night away from her husband in about 25 years.

I just couldn’t imagine feeling like that. I dare say it’s not uncommon, though.

Some women don't just have that sort of husband but that sort of son as well.
I'm lucky my husband lets me do what I want and so does he . He goes walking a lot which I hate,but we do a lot together as well.
I lived next door to a couple if the wife came round for a coffee there would be a phone call that she was needed, she was a lovely lady quite a bit older than me and had lived abroad for a long time.
When her husband died her son who did not live with them took over his role, she would just get sat down with a coffee it would be the son and she would have to go.
He put her in a home without telling anyone then came and asked me to keep an eye on the house still not telling. I got an anonymous letter telling me where she was from another lady who had found out but when they went to visit her a few times he moved her to a disclosed home again. We never saw her again.
When I read this it all sounds very creepy and made up but it is true.

We do not know the family dynamics. Some people choose not to do things separately and may hide behind any excuse. We have rarely gone to separate events. I would hope that rather than roll eyes and make judgement We should really increase our sensitivity to search and recognise real cases of coercive control which can be subtle and destroy lives. Why can't people just say no???

I’m out and about a lot but DH prefers to be at home, he is always busy. When I get back he is happy to hear my news. It works for us, now coming up for 50 years.

I can’t bear controlling men. Sadly my friend is married to one but is now too ill to stand up to him.

When we retired 7 years ago I started a weekly meet up group here in Spain for my lady friends. We laughed saying we couldn’t afford to be Ladies Who Lunch as it was going to be one afternoon every week. We called ourselves Ladies Who Wine (nor whine!). 3 ladies who live out here keep the group going and the rest of us holidaymakers just dip in and out as and when we come out.

One time when we’d not long started up one of the holiday ladies asked ‘could Colin come along?’. I laughed and said he’d be more than welcome if he turned up in a dress and no, it was just for ‘us’. She was delighted! ‘Oh I’ll definitely be there on Tuesday!’.

And why wait till our 70’s? Is it because we’re deemed to be ‘less sexual’ by then and considered ‘safe’ by some husbands to be let out?
?

Our group is still robustly gathering each week - testament to the enjoyment it affords us all! It’s nice to come home and have different conversations - same as when Himself goes off to a local bar occasionally to watch football with his pals out here.

I for one think it’s very healthy. Stuff together and stuff apart. Well it suits us, married 47y!

My father was a very controlling husband, the things he did and said to my mother live forever in my memory, horrible.

The trouble with the "joined at the hip" type of relationship is, what happens when one of you dies? It's really sensible to have at least a few separate friends/interests.

I can’t believe what I’m reading. It would never occur to me that I in any way owned the other or that he owned me. When I came upon this kind of behaviour in women I just thought they were living in a different era, I was embarrassed for them, they they still believed in male control and they weren’t independent. It’s not 50’s it’s Victorian. And I’ve always found joined at the hip couples disturbing. I can’t believe it is now so accepted. I suppose it’s like I expected stiletto heels to go out of fashion as a crippling footwear for half the humans. I was wrong there too.

Totally agree, Brilliant that you mother was a good example to you, women shouldn’t accept anything less, I am sad that I am even saying that in this day and age

We all have different kind of relationships with our husbands, I have been with my husband for 56 years, we are different people, he prefer his own company, it runs in his family, I. Love interacting with other people, we live our lives the way we want it, I think when you reach your 70s you just do that, not a problem, live and let live, when we reach that age we certainly should just do what we feel like, all the years of conforming to the norm, bringing up children, you should have the freedom to do what you like, as life is too short, especially when you reach the 70s, thankfully my husband and I have respect for each other but allow each other to be the way we want

My Mother was born in 1906! She was a very independent woman. She had four children, including me, but returned to teaching as soon as it became practical. She had a social life of her own, as she was more outgoing than my Father. My Father accepted this. No modern woman in 2021 should feel restricted by her husband, when women in the 1950s were already forging their way to a more independent life.

My late partner was controlling. He would actually encourage me to go out and enjoy things but then when I went and got home I would get the cold shoulder treatment. I used to make excuses to friends as to why I couldn’t go to events but really I dreaded the atmosphere when I got home. I am on my own now and can do what I like. I miss him of course but now value my independence.

Yes we have friends that are widowed. We both belong to many of the same groups but don't always go along together. As with most social groups they consist of 90% women and most of them are either widowed or divorced. Those that have been widowed are often nervous at first but are normally very glad they joined.

Jackiest that sounds like a nice mix, and very supportive.

My friend has a husband who is always the centre of attention, knows everything, has been everywhere and has an opinion on all subjects and everyone has to agree with him or he gets really huffy. Would he qualify for "that" sort of husband.