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(18 Posts)
Heartwrenched Sun 10-Oct-21 09:22:11

I've been asked for advice and I'd like your thoughts on this please...
A friend of a friend (truthfully) who is married goes out twice a week with her girly friends. One of the friends in particular, disappears as soon as they get to a set venue and leaves the friend sat alone . She's a social whirl and knows alot of people and will disappear and talk to all those, but keeps popping back to talk to this friend of mine who is sat alone most of the night out. Apparently this other friend is a lovely kind nice all round person and everyone loves her buy my friend said she feels self conscious sat on her own most of the time. She has tried to tell her but because she's so lovely , she doesn't want to upset her or spoil the friendship. Any ideas how to approach this?

crazyH Sun 10-Oct-21 09:27:40

You mentioned, this friend of a friend goes with her girly “friends”- so there’s more than two, unless I’m reading it wrong. If there are others there, I don’t see a problem. But having said that, it’s pretty rude to leave a group and socialise with someone at the ‘other table’ so to speak.

Kandinsky Sun 10-Oct-21 09:31:15

Friend A ( social butterfly ) is using friend B ( wallflower) as her ‘base’ to pop back & forth from as & when she feels like it.
That’s it.
I’d advise friend B to make polite excuses in future, ( unless going for a nice quiet meal just the two of them ) it sounds like friend A has more than enough people she can use.

Grandmabatty Sun 10-Oct-21 09:34:42

Tell your friend to either :
1. Tell her friend that it's rude to leave her alone as much.
2. Get up and go with her whenever she leaves the table.
3. Take another friend along with her who is less inclined to behave like that
4. Stop going

V3ra Sun 10-Oct-21 09:41:14

This friend isn't really so "lovely" is she? She seems to have a need to prove how popular she is all the time, and in doing so is being rude and inconsiderate to the friend she actually made the date with. How insulting.

"Don't make plans that only involve the two of you," would be my advice to the one who ends up sitting alone.

Scones Sun 10-Oct-21 09:41:37

What CrazyH said.

If your friend and the group of ladies who socialise together don't like what the social butterfly does they should point it out to her. If she's as lovely as described she'll pay more attention to the people she's with.

glammanana Sun 10-Oct-21 09:42:25

It sounds as though your "friends friend" is being totally used by this other person solely for her company to get into whatever venue they go to and not seen to be on her own,she is being used by this person and needs to speak up or stop going.

Grandmafrench Sun 10-Oct-21 09:49:10

Sitting alone whilst your lovely, kind, nice all round friend who everyone loves, flits about talking to others for most of the time on an evening out, doesn’t sound like a barrel of laughs to me. So much better to stay home and not feel awkward or self conscious. Looks as if this ‘so lovely’ social butterfly just wants a “wingman” - or the female equivalent, to make herself feel comfortable and in case the evening turns out to be unexpectedly quiet!

Not a lot of communication here and it looks as if the often abandoned one hasn’t had the courage to put a stop to this behaviour. Think her friend is being very selfish or, at best, thoughtless and rude. If she’s so lovely, she’s not going to mind the truth….they both expect different things from their night out and the often abandoned one would clearly prefer to spend time in a one-to-one outing or a small fixed group. Any awkward refusals or excuses would be more likely to spoil this friendship than speaking the truth, I should think. So, no need for unpleasantness -but don’t feel used - if you both want different things, then say so and, as friends, learn to listen and respect that….or maybe don’t be surprised when your rather odd evening out invitation is declined.

Heartwrenched Sun 10-Oct-21 09:49:38

Thankyou I will pass your advice on, along with mine x

BlueBelle Sun 10-Oct-21 09:54:42

Why go ?? Surely there’s better things she can do with her life than sit alone at a party I d rather watch TV with a bag of crisps and a bottle of cider 😂😂

Juliet27 Sun 10-Oct-21 10:09:54

Way to go BlueBelle !! 👍

Mapleleaf Sun 10-Oct-21 13:06:42

Where are the other “girly friends” you mention? Are they off flitting about too? 🤔

AGAA4 Sun 10-Oct-21 17:08:20

The flighty friend is being very unkind to leave her sitting alone. I think I would just leave if I was left alone by the person I came with.

DiscoDancer1975 Mon 11-Oct-21 16:50:09

It sounds like there’s more ‘ girly friends’. How is she on her own? That aside...I wouldn’t bother going out. She just needs a taxi to take her, not a ‘ friend’.

Beswitched Mon 11-Oct-21 19:04:59

Do you mean that she goes out a couple of nights a week with her friends, and one of those nights is with this particular friend?

If so, why does she keep going? It doesn't sound like an enjoyable night out at all. How old is she? It sounds like something a younger person might go along with, for the sake of being 'out enjoying herself'.
But as you get older most people are more selective about how they spend their free time and stop seeing being out anywhere as better than 'sitting in'.

Fennel Mon 11-Oct-21 19:14:49

Perhaps it helps her self -esteem to have all these girlie 'friends' waiting on her.
Or is there a man somewhere out there? wink

MissAdventure Mon 11-Oct-21 19:19:32

Well, if her friend enjoys socialising, then there is nothing wrong with that, in itself.
It would be a shame to go to a lively place and then feel obliged to sit with one person all evening.

Redhead56 Mon 11-Oct-21 19:47:27

I would give it a miss and have a glass of wine in the comfort of my own home.