Is this the norm now?

I don't send gifts to my sisters' GC and my sisters don't send to mine. After some time, it gets out of hand! Our own GC are quite enough. Most of mine don't need hand-outs but sometimes it's difficult to think of actual gifts for teenagers who already have part-time incomes - in two cases, 'proper' full-time jobs.

I would send a multi-stores gift card with a birthday card.

I give to two of my great nieces because both parents are only children. The girls have no aunts or uncles or cousins and only one set of grandparents since my brother and his wife died. Their father, my nephew, makes the effort to keep in touch with us. I don’t give to any other ‘greats’ and wouldn’t recognise them if we passed in the street.

Once you start down the present-giving route, you’ll find it awkward to stop. Christmas will be next. I wouldn’t attend or make a gift. Nor would I give an excuse for not attending as it leaves the door open to send you another invite.

Thank you MeoWow for returning to let us know what you thought of our comments. I too have found them interesting.
It seems that there is a scale that goes;

Money: From 'sensible' to 'mercenary'
Gift: from 'useless' to 'makes the baby smile' and even 'heirloom'

What I haven't got a sense of is how important gifts of money are in various families. As I said, in mine it was, literally, a life changer; and I would think that still applied in many families today.

I would be sending a good old fashioned cheque along with a pretty card. If I was actually attending the party of a one year old I would take a box of wooden bricks, ours have become family heirlooms!

I have never ever seen or heard of this in real life. But going by the comments on here it is obviously the norm in some families.

Just not something I would like to see any of my family do.

Thank you all, for your input ?

In the past I have always gifted all my great nieces and nephews on their first birthday and as they got older I’d put money in their birthday cards. I stopped doing the money in with the card though due to the huge family I have (and it’s still growing) and costs becoming way too high.

I have every intention of gifting ABC on her first birthday but I won’t be going to the party as I’ll be away.

At the time I thought it strange that bank details were included on the invite. I was not offended by it. I was just curious to know what others thought. Now I know ?

Once again, thank you for taking the time to comment ? Enjoy your day ?

I think it sounds rather neat as an option. Entirely at your discretion, of course.

I cannot see the pressure. It is an open invitation to those that want to give money. Not everyone will and they are clearly free to give something else - or nothing at all.

So many of things people consider pressures are self -inflicted pressures.

Amberone

^But did you expect this to be passed on to more distant relatives with suggestions that they might also like to contribute?^

Beswitched but they haven't done that have they? All they said is 'for those who want to'.

Which I think is rude and pressurising people, who in some cases have little contact with your child, to donate money towards their future.

I’m inclined to think a baby’s first birthday celebration is for immediate family such as grandparents and any siblings of the parents and their children.

Throwing the net wider and inviting relatives you normally have little to do with doesn’t sit comfortably with me. Especially when the invitation includes bank account details for a money transfer.

But did you expect this to be passed on to more distant relatives with suggestions that they might also like to contribute?

Beswitched but they haven't done that have they? All they said is 'for those who want to'.

Not actually seen a message like that for a child's gift but I wouldn't get upset about it. They're not asking you to do it - they may be responding to requests from other family members. They don't necessarily expect everyone to do it, especially those who are not immediate family. It's been the norm for years for weddings/engagements to tell people where to buy gifts, or where to send money.

For a child that young that I don't expect to see much of I would probably be more inclined to just buy a lovely teddy or something anyway. But then I wouldn't have invited all and sundry to a first birthday either.

I think we need to remember that MeowWow has actually been invited to the birthday party, in which case surely she would be taking a present of some description anyway?
If she prefers not to go she could just send a card.

Beginning to wonder how many posters on here have had AC doing something similar and are therefore defending it. I cannot imagine any of my friends or family doing anything like that. It would just be considered so odd and rude

JackyB

We actually asked our AC to set up an account for their children so that we could pay money in for them for bigger presents rather than getting stuff -toys, books, games - which will only collect dust. Together with money paid in by the other grandparents they can put it towards a new bike, or, when they are bigger, maybe a computer or a trip abroad.

Don't see anything wrong with it.

But did you expect this to be passed on to more distant relatives with suggestions that they might also like to contribute?

How does it differ from giving an older child cash in hand or a voucher, which will have the value on it.

What a sensible idea. A one year old need so little and is so often inundated with toys. You do not have to put your money on the slip, so it can always appear as an anonymous donation.

I think that is so sensible! Contribute to the child’s future rather than buying some tat!

But the baby would nt smile and chuckle and be happy with something in its hands, to me it’s so impersonal and cold

Sending out bank details with an invitation is grasping in my opinion, particularly to a distant relative that you hardly know.

The baby is going to be one - for some new parents that’s a significant birthday and, to me, it’s natural that they want all their extended family to share it. However, at that age babies have literally everything they need and so from a purely pragmatic point of view it seems eminently sensible to enable a direct monetary gift, for those who want to do this.

I would be at the front of the queue to gift in this way. It would save me both time and effort and ten gifts at an average spend of £10 would be a nice little sum for the baby, and preferable to risking buying something duplicated or unnecessary.

I think it depends on the relationship. If my DD said, 'DGS is swimming in toys, he really doesn't need more, IF you want to give, can you do this?' I'd be fine with it.

But from someone you barely know or have a tenuous relationship with it smacks of greed, frankly.

I’m happy either way. For abroad family I send money and for the older grandchildren here. I see the younger ones twice every week so know their interests and consult with parents about their presents.

As I’m on a limited budget £20 each is the amount for Christmas and birthdays. They have so much stuff unused that if in doubt I buy craft stuff. I don’t like to buy plastic tat so I leave that for others to buy.

Hugely different Jacky, you did this yourself- it was not 'imposed' on you.