What have you finally made peace with?

I have made peace with the fact that I cannot make my family like each other and I have to just stand back and let them work it out for themselves

What an emotionally powerful thread. I identify with many of the issues here some of which I've basically come to terms with.
But the biggest wound I've been dealing with for 11 years is living at a distance from my grandchildren, which seemed to swallow up all my other pain and trigger it all. Not helped by a daughter to whom I feel desperately guilty about moving away from, the reason was husbands work. She is in a happy marriage and has lots of friends. When Iget the train 5hours, to visit she is often offhand and irritable, and I get very depressed about it.

This thread reminded me of the Desderata
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
In times when I have lingering doubts I try to remember this.

Lucca

I am not able to make peace with any of my regrets mistakes etc. Many have suggested talking about it but I don’t want to. There are many things I’d prefer not to think about ever again.
I just muddle through now !

I totally agree with you.

I've made peace with nearly everything in my life. I dont speak to my family at all and it use to worry me a lot but then I have a calm life and I can make my own decisions and its definitely peaceful. Sometimes I think of things that happened in the past but I say to myself thats all in the past now and ive moved on. So I feel happy and thats what matters to me

My son has cut all contact with me since I divorced his father 13 years ago. One of my two daughters has sadly grown from a lovely little girl, into a self entitled, irritable, selfish adult. She appeared constantly irritated by me and all of our interactions had me walking on egg shells whenever I was with her. Also she only ever contacted me when she wanted something for herself. I never heard from her otherwise. It became apparent that whenever I visited her, or she visited me (to use my home as a hotel base to catch up with old friends), it affected my mood and I was often depressed for weeks after. Eventually, 3 1/2 years ago, I called her on it. She (surprisingly?) admitted that she only contacted me when she wanted my help with something and I said that I was no longer willing to be a door mat and wasn’t prepared to have contact on that basis any longer. There has been very little contact since then. I have tried several times to encourage her to have a more natural relationship, for us both to try. She never responds. I have now made peace with the situation. We all have flaws, but I believe I’m a good person and if they don’t like me for who I am (they don’t really know me. They never bothered to try), then so be it!

There are some incredibly brave people here whether they have made peace or not

That I’m never going to know my granddaughters in NZ or see my DS more than once a year max.
That my brother will never admit to it or apologise for sexually abusing me when I was a child.
I try to enjoy life and don’t let these things get me down as I am a very positive person.

The fact that I'll never get an apprenticeship!

I regret not being able to help my mum (who couldn't speak after an operation) from my horrible abusive stepfather. I was married with 3 children and lived miles away but I should have informed social services.

I have accepted that my mother was emotionally abusive and toxic, I cut her out of my life for 40yrs until her death
I also accept that I’m estranged from my siblings
But I can’t forgive myself for hurting my ex husband or my best friend 30 and forty years ago

Getting older and realising that I know so little about either my mother's or father's family histories. Like many of those who appear on 'Who Do You Think You Are', the need to know doesn't seem to arise until it is too late and the majority of those who give answers are no longer with us.
My paternal GM was a very wealthy woman but cut my father off because he didn't obey her rules. From what I have managed to source I think he was illegitimate - don't know if he knew this and whether this was why her legitimate son inherited!!
Life and times change all too rapidly.

Life gives us tests at times, before we’ve had the lessons ! Some heart wrenching bits on here that ladies have had to go through.
I’ve forgiven myself for the men I chose, my knights in shining armour turned out p——s in tin foil ! I choose to be single now and wallow in inner peace.
Like many ladies, I have a fractious relationship with a controlling mum. I accepted a few years ago that we will never bond, and I know I’ve done absolutely everything I can to rectify this, I now stop trying. I balance this in my mind with the wonderful relationship I have with my 3 AC and their partners plus my 5GC, and many lovely friends. So Mum actually pales into insignificance. Incredibly sad, but it’s true.

Kandinsky....this sounds like my story. How did you set yourself free?

Cutting off all contact with my brother because of abusive behaviour.

Second line should read peace not pace. Be happy!!

Inner peace is a wonderful thing. accept the things you can't change and try not to let the past spoil the future. I have found that inner pace through forgiveness of myself and all the past hurts from other people help expel negative thoughts and now I am exactly where I want to be.

I try not to have regrets about anything in my past, everything that has happened has made me the person I am. However, I do sometimes wish I had done things differently or other people had behaved differently and at my age I do try to see this as "making peace with my decision" rather than regrets.

The ones that come to mind for me are:

1. Not going to France to work for a couple of years when I was 19 as my boyfriend at the time didn't want me to go (he has been my ex-boyfriend for over 30 years now so it obviously still rankles!)

2. Being effectively estranged from my brother (my only sibling) since my mother died 2 years ago - I feel he overreacted to something I did after her death (which was due to a misunderstanding between us) and refuses to give me the opportunity to make this right. He doesn't really keep in touch with me now and I have made the decision to not get upset about this anymore and make the most of the people I have around me who do love me and want to spend time with me.

3. Not having a relationship with my father for many years - there is no reason why we don't have a relationship, he just chooses not to involve me or my 3 children (and grandson) in his life and, as with my brother, I have now decided not to get upset about this and to live my life without him (I have done perfectly well without him anyway so really don't need him in my life).

I will always be sad about the situation with my dad and brother and my mum would have been horrified if she had seen the way my brother behaves but that's families for you!

I have also had the experience of my husband having a brief affair 5 years ago which completely destroyed me at the time (and still continues to have a profound effect on me) and this meant that my marriage is never going to be what I wanted/expected it to be but I have had to make decisions on how I deal with that moving forward which is another thing that I have had to make peace with/accept.

Life can be tough but it's more about how you deal with the tough things that happen rather than what happens to you

Sending love to everyone

Our grandchildren are 8,9,11 and 13. We are 82 and have to accept that we are unlikely to see them as adults.

Dee1012 (flowers)

It is remarkable just how many on GN are estranged or completely cut off from their siblings, and in a strange way this has helped me to come to terms with the fact that my brother and I will never be more than polite to each other with no attempts to meet up since the last parent's funeral. I picked over it and over it, night after night ( those dreadful 2am wide awake times), trying to work out what I had done wrong, why he seemed to dislike me so heartily, where the horrid, surprise confrontation came from which left me reeling, and I think I am finally, beginning to acknowledge that it is what it is. I regret not taking advantage of the excellent educational opportunities I had, I regret not getting married sooner and thus possibly having more children, but I recognise that compared to many, I life a charmed life with a healthy family, good close friends enough money and a warm home. Doesn't stop the 2am wake ups though.......

My mum died many years ago at quite a young age and was treated badly by certain members of her family.
For so long I really struggled with anger towards them, not only for their treatment of her but also the utter lack of self awareness they displayed about their behaviour and actions.
I can recall locking myself in the loo on the day of her funeral and just wanting to rage at them all!
Time has lessened my feelings and now I simply don't care about any of them.

I've also made peace with what happened to me at the age of 12 / 13.
An older man came into my life with "flattery and understanding", he listened to me and I eventually believed, he loved and understood me.......now it's called grooming and after a lot of thought, I also know that's what it was.

The situation culminated into one particular evening when I felt, no I knew, that suddenly being the centre of this man's attention was a very bad place to be. I really didn't think I'd ever gotten over the events of that night and it stayed with me in many ways ever since.
I could go into more detail about what happened to me and the effects of the incident but won't, all I will say is that, you mature with damage not with the years and I certainly did after that.
Interestingly enough given recent events, the "male" police officers on my case treated me with the utmost kindness, respect and understanding, I was kept informed and I know they put a lot of work into what they did. The result wasn't what I wanted, it's been "filed" as it's a situation of his word against mine and of course, he's denied it.

After so many years, there's no physical evidence either and although it's hard, I do understand.In a strange way after all of this time, the officers helped me find a degree of closure and peace.
I'll forever be grateful to them.

This is a timely thread as I'm having a bit of a wobble today. Most of the time I'm ok but just some days I think where does the unkindness come from and why. Recently I've found a lot of help reading the estrangement thread as it shows that other people also struggle.

That like others my mother was cruel and abusive and a terrible mother. I could therefore not expect her to be a good grandmother to my 5 beautiful DD's. I hoped. She wasn't.
That my philandering father didn't protect me from the sexual advances of his best friend when I was in my early teens even though at the time I didn't really realise it was all kinds of wrong. Unbelievable of course in this day and age but honestly true. They were both policemen too but thankfully both now dead hence my being able to finally make peace with the facts.
That I didn't have the career I might have had because I gave it all up to stay at home and care for our eldest profoundly disabled DD1.
That said treasured and adored DD1 would never be the girl she might have been.

There are many things in the past that still touch you no matter how old you are. I try to forget them but it is virtually impossible I can not make peace with them as they wont let me!!!!

People i know have no idea of the things that happened to me and the things i did as a consequence which i now know were wrong.