What have you finally made peace with?

Hear hear !! Well done

Hello. I found a lovely therapist band visited her for a couple of years. She helped me see things clearly and remove guilt. It was amazing to say she lifted my spirits and she was a trained BACP member. If you look up their website snd type your postcode you can find a lady locally maybe. It’s worth the money I think if you can afford it and see someone If not buy a couple of books too if you can. Sometimes it helps. Good luck !

Thinking of you. ?? Today

Hi. I’m in same boat as you. 60 now and shes. Dead mother. 3 years ago. She was just horrible all my life. It’s refreshing to hear someone else say they never loved their mother. I feel same but most ppl don’t so it’s hard. I liked your post !

tictacnana

The end of my favourite Shakespeare sonnet keeps coming back to me ‘But if the while I think on thee dear friend, All losses are restored and sorrows end.’ I will never be at peace with the idea that some of my dear friends from my youth are gone and I never had the chance to thank them and tell them how they lit up my life.

I only had the chance to do this once and am so glad I could tell my friend how much I valued her friendship .

After many years of guilt and shame at something I 'did' when I was 16, a newspaper article set me free when it said ' it wasn't something you did, it was something that happened to you'
Such a simple sentence, but applied to so many of my trials and tribulations over the years.

Harmonypuss you have written my post for me. Once I accepted this I began to thrive after years of feeling inadequate

Lollipoplove

A friend contacted me 2 years ago after a falling out 16 years ago due to my friend always having to be right. Anyway I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Over Covid she rang me nearly every night with her troubles with her partner her mum how she still loved her ex husband she was drinking too much.
She visited me ( we now live 180 miles away as iv moved)
I visited her I had a nice time except every night I had to cook because she was too drunk then I had to put her to bed by 9.30 every night.
She has gone through breast cancer & told me her partners family were there for her as she fell apart.
I have a Stepmum who lives in her area who has pancreatic cancer & not much time to live so I was planning my trip to visit her. Her reply was you can’t stay at mine I said oh ok may I ask why. She said her partner said he couldn’t put up with the pair of us ( he wasn’t there the last I had stayed) I said but I’m not coming down to party it may be the very last time I she my Stepmum & I didn’t get drunk at yours once you were drunk every night I had to put you to bed & clear up all the mess you made ( she always spills food drinks crisps everywhere.
I asked her if she would like to see me when I’m down. She said yes but I don’t have any weekends free until after Christmas I said that ok I don’t mind seeing you in the week.
Then one day I was speaking to my best friend who asked me to pass on her apologies to said friend that she hadn’t replied to her text asking my best friend to let her know whenever she has a weekend free & theycould go out together or as a foursome!! Why would she lie?
I confided in her that I had found a lump in my breast & iv made appointment at Drs she said well don’t worry until you have something to worry about.
The day of my appointment she didn’t wish me good luck.
After my examination the Dr said “ this lump does feel worrying “. While waiting for mammogram & scan. I text her & another friend. My other friend replied straight away.
But this friend never replied so after a week I text asking if she’d received my text. She replied with just a yes.
I said why haven’t you been in touch. She replied with I have many friends that need my help which isn’t true as it was obvious when I visited her that she doesn’t have many friends . And she’s spent so much time hunting down old school friends & friends shed fallen out with years ago) so if that’s a problem maybe we shouldn’t be friends. I asked her how she could be so cold I told her it wasn’t good news. She replied I hope it works out well for you.
For all she knows I could have weeks to live!
I’m so hurt & shocked
Any help would be so appreciated x

Sorry but I'm going to be blunt - just drop her! She isn't worth your time or effort; it seems to be all about her and her problems and you don't get a look in. You don't need 'friends' like that who just take all the time but never give.
Good luck with everything.

I am still angry with my father who never confronted his brother in law who abused me from when I was seven to about eleven. I told both parents about it after I left home aged eighteen. My mother said I should never have told them as I had 'spoiled things' now... I also don't know how to feel about telling my female cousin what her father did. She cut me off without question, assuming I was quite mad. It has made me ill at the thought of seeing her and her brothers soon at my eldest cousin's upcoming funeral. I won't apologise as I feel sad for my seven year old child self.

I'm another who will never have a relationship with my sister or have a kind, loving mother, basically because they're a pair of evil, toxic cows!

I've made peace with these facts because of another couple of facts.... I'm a better person than both of them put together and no-one needs theat crap in their life, especially not me!

I made peace with getting ill at 29 and the whole course of mine and my families life changed. Having no control over what my body did and constant pain. 33 years later still here.

My husband dieing in 2004 at 47 when I always thought I would die first. Miss him more as the years go by. Still feel half of me is missing.

Made peace with the fact my son decided last year he no longer wants his mom. Lost the 2 grandson's I knew and don't even know the name of his youngest.

Losing weight which is still on going after 4 years but I am winning was 32 now a 16.

Made peace with the fact I have added health problems but won't let them stop me living my life to the full. 63 and still going.

I have made peace with my parents. I have decided they did the best they knew to do. If I drag the hurt throughout my life, it is on me.

I have accepted that I am more of an animal lover than a social butterfly, that I’m an introvert, that not having a husband/ partner is the best way of life for me. I guess in a nutshell, I’ve made peace with knowing I’m different than most people!

Funnily enough I had a similar conversation with my eldest son a few weeks ago. I concluded that, in hindsight and with maturity, I would have done some things differently. Acknowledging this has allowed me to make peace with some of my earlier decisions. I was, and still am, fortunate in having a supportive, loving family who allowed me to make my own decisions and supported me with through the consequences

I feel so guilty how I treated my mum. I was the usual obnoxious teenager then married at 19 and had 3 children soon after. My life was a whirlwind, I’d gone back to work and was living a horrendous life with an alcoholic. I didn’t have the time for my mum. Part of me wanted to protect her from knowing the truth of my situation but I’m sure I appeared cold and distant. There must have been good times but all I can remember is how I must have hurt her. I will never shake that guilt. She died young with a brain tumour I was at her bedside constantly for the 3 weeks she was hospitalised and by then happily married to my wonderful second husband who was and still is a rock to me and DC. Unfortunately she was in a coma for those 3 weeks I just hope she could hear me telling her how much I loved her.

I've made peace many years ago with not having any children at all and the disappointment and heartbreak. Thankfully my younger sister gave birth to quadruplets almost 12 years ago and I've invested my emotional motherly energies in them. I couldn't love them any less than my own offspring.

Sounds cheesy but I’ve made peace with myself.
I made some stupid mistakes a few years ago and have been racked with guilt but only recently realised I can’t continue feeling bad about this but need to look forward and get on with life

It probably sounds odd, but I am trying to make peace with pain. Since breaking a vertebra some years ago I have had nasty pain on and off which has occasionally stopped me dead in my tracks.

I have an odd relationship with it that is approaching some measure of peace now. Perhaps that's nature's way of helping you cope.

That I can’t put everything right for everyone, but I always tried.
My daughter will never like me.
I’m never going to be a size 12 again unless I’m ill.

i wish i could make peace with two things in my life, my mother stayed with my stepdad even though he tried to abuse me, he would sit there drunk night after night saying he was going to take my virginity away from me, i was taken to live with relatives and stayed together, the other was my husband dying because of a mistake the hospital made and i never followed up with a complaint.

I’ve stopped being a people pleaser and ended a toxic ‘friendship’ that dragged me down.

TerriT

Stella14. I too have a daughter who treats me as yours does. I’ve asked why but she shuts that question down with ‘I don’t talk about personal feelings’ so no chance of any resolution or understanding. I adore her children so put up with her because of the joy I get from them. But they are just in early teens now so are off with their pals and interests so I’m seeing less and less of daughter . It is a relief as to make peace with that particular situation I need to avoid it. She will never treat me with anything but strained tolerance and I no longer want to be part of that situation.

Sorry to read its like that for you too. My difficult daughter has two young children. She lives 400 miles away from me. I last visited her when the eldest was 4 months old (I couldn’t go before as I was ill). I was there for a few days. I stayed in a hotel (at the time, they didn’t have space for me in their house). Even staying in a hotel, the visit was awful. I was snapped at and huffed about repeatedly. In fact the first thing she said to me was snappy. I was desperate to get away and was so glad to get in the train home. It was shortly after that that I tried to have a conversation about our relationship and eventually told her that I wasn’t going to accept being treated like that anymore. That was nearly 4-years-ago. When the little one was born, I suggested a fresh start where we both made more of an effort. She said ‘fine, you can come and stay for a visit if you want”. I said that we couldn’t really go straight from no real contact for 2-years to a full in visit after a couple of texts (it would have been horrible). I suggested that we try chatting on the phone sometimes first. She wasn’t up for that, so the visit didn’t happen. I am sad not to have contact with my grandchildren. If they lived locally a relationship with them would probably have worked because visits with my daughter present could be short. I could take the children out and babysit, but it couldn’t work at that distance. I am also sad to have lost my lovely girl, but she disappeared at age 13, so 26 years later, she isn’t coming back and it is what it is ?

So well said on all your comments! My sentiments exactly.
At age 50 I accepted this is the body I was given - it is what it is.
I've learned to accept that I am who I am for a reason & I am the only one just like me - that makes me special!
With age comes wisdom.

There are moments in life when we learn who our true friends are - those who will stick with us through even the worst times.
I often told my children, "We cross paths with people for a reason, but they're not always meant to stay in our lives."
Sometimes friendships are for a 'season'. We change, they change, circumstances change. Remember the good of that friend, and allow yourself more time with friends who value you for who you are - someone very special with lots to offer.

What your husband said made me smile. What a lovely memory for you. My husband also calls me his queen. Your memory touched me - savor it - happy memories are a treasure.