HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES????

Geez. Brilliant! xx

I have choked on my tea reading these, so funny. I used to work in repairs at the council and a woman phoned up to complain. I asked “where are you” meaning the address and she said “in my kitchen”.

thank you so much for cheering me up, i love these.

Thank you Maywalk for sharing the laughter x

Funny!!! ?

My poor Biology teacher handing back my test paper, 'really Xxxx, you may have discovered something here'.....I had written 'an amoeba is a microscopic orgasm'.......

Thank you Maywalk - so great to be cheered up on a Monday morning after so much doom and gloom

Maywalk thanks you so much. we've been crying with laughter!

I used to work in a Magistrates' court, and while I never heard anything like as funny as these, I do remember one defendant addressing the Bench as "you lovely people, and then bursting into song serenading them. And another somewhat disgruntled defendant, who took his shoes off and launched them as missiles at the members of the Bench. It was pretty amusing seeing them dive for cover under the desk, and then peering up over the top of the desk, a bit like the Chad figure!

Teaching English as a foreign language, I came across some gems as well.

Two, both written by 14 year olds in essays, caused me some concern until tactful enquiry established the fact that they were merely spelling mistakes. Here they are:

I went to camp and played sucker all summer.

(She meant "soccer")

We went to the Zoo and afterwards we had buggers.

(He was attempting to convey the fact that they had been to McDonalds' and had hamburgers.)

MamaCaz Jasper was one of the best ever acts I've seen live (apart from Victoria Wood).

Teacher to boy who was constantly talking and talking: 'What could we do to help you focus better?' He thinks for a solid minute and replies, 'Ice cream.'

I have been laughing a lot at that - amazing that it actually happened.

grandtanteJE65

Teaching English as a foreign language, I came across some gems as well.

Two, both written by 14 year olds in essays, caused me some concern until tactful enquiry established the fact that they were merely spelling mistakes. Here they are:

I went to camp and played sucker all summer.

(She meant "soccer")

We went to the Zoo and afterwards we had buggers.

(He was attempting to convey the fact that they had been to McDonalds' and had hamburgers.)

Those reminded me of the time when, as a language assistant in France, I asked my new group of university students to tell me about themselves.

One announced, in his gorgeous, sexy French accent, what sounded for all the world to me like:

"I like to make love to people".

What he had actually said was "I like to make laugh to people", but the combination of the wrong word order and his pronunciation of 'laugh' really threw me.

It was hilarious, though the poor young man was as red as a beetroot when he realised what I thought he had said.

love it they must find it hard to keep a straight face at times!

Thanks so much for all of these! I needed cheering up.
My only contribution was whilst working in Liverpool a lady came in, demanding that something was done about the problem with her roof garden.
When it was pointed out that she had no roof garden, she said indignantly, “It’s the grass in me gutters!”

Hilarious

I used to have to do court reporting in my job as PA to the Clerk to the Justices in a magistrates court, but I can’t say I remember anything funny like those! This thread is so funny. I was in sore need of a good laugh and I’ve had tears running down my face guffawing at them all

Wonderful! Thank you.

In court the Judge was trying to ascertain the time of the incident and asked the Defendant "Was dawn approaching"? His reply was " No there was no one else there" You could not make it up.

I'm a nurse and while I have not personally come across any doozers in the charting I've seen, I've heard of a few! Here are a few examples:

Patient alive but without permission.

Thank you for seeing this patient, who has been under our car for physical therapy.

Patient has pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

Two rashers of bacon po [by mouth] qam [every morning]. (This one was apparently an actual doctor's order; I read about it in an online group. Apparently the patient had some complaints about the hospital food!)

Lovely, made me laugh out loud, wonderful way to start the week

I'm in Vancouver and just woke up( 8 hours behind UK). Turned to Gransnet and read this post, what a great start to my day - had me laughing out loud.

Brilliant ? Thank you so much Maywalk.

I'm laughing out loud and DH is looking at me as though I'm crackers. These are hilarious!

Love them. Made me laugh.