Do you tell your AC arrangements for when you die??

After the initial shock, and having seen what happens with their paternal grandmother and others- they accept this and agree.

The most difficult discussion is not about after you die, but before.

The most difficult discussion was to explain to AC that in case of Alzheimber diagnosis, I would have to choose to get assisted dying early, much too early- because waiting means it would probably be too late for legal reasons.

Yes! My Mum left instructions, but after 30 years telling everyone about her will, she didn't sign it, and hid it in a bag of wallpaper samples. It was written under duress it appears, and rather than do another or sort it while she was alive- she left the mess for me and 2 other siblings. So while she got the funeral she wanted, the family has sadly been at war ever since. So great - plan, explain but also SIGN YOUR WILL!

I do tell them what I want and where to find all legal info they need and my will so they font have to rummage around , will and funeral stuff all together to take the stress off them ,

This is something I need to put my mind to. I’m planning to downsize in the next couple of years and have started getting my head round de-cluttering. Once I’ve moved and sorted out my finances I will probably revise my will and get the paperwork in order. Just hope I don’t go suddenly before I get on top of it all. My DD is coming back to live with me temporarily due to a new job as she has to relocate from Scotland back to the London area so that has made me consider how to make space for her and all her stuff! All rather daunting but it will be good for me to get started! I’ll probably sort out POA too. Anything that makes things easier for them when I’m gone has to be a good thing.

Trouble is, re body going to research, is that you have to die in hospital. I had planned the same and there was nothing on the Human Tissue Authority form I filled in about where the death might occur. However, in revisiting the subject it became obvious that even if the Will said 'my body is going to research' my wish could be rejected. As dying might already be causing my family misery, I didn't want to add to it, so the Will had to be changed.

How I wish my parents had sorted things out. When my DF died last year n my DM incapable of dealing with things it was a total nightmare n is still going on. They refused to tell me anything n considered it private. I will definitely make sure my family know where everything is. I feel it’s quite selfish to leave everything to others to deal with.

My parents had their funeral arrangements all made and I was told where all the paperwork was kept. When my father died I helped my mum sort her pensions, a new will, etc out so then when she passed away 3 years later it made it a lot easier on my sister and I. The grieving is hard enough without worrying about all the other stuff too.
I'm divorced and my sister never married and we both have no children so we have our wills made and we both know where we keep our important paperwork in our houses.
It's not morbid, it's realistic and needs to be discussed. I've seen families going through probate for years, a friend is actually having trouble with her mother's estate at the moment and it's not good. Knowing everything is in place is a great help for the family.

Franbern

Not sure how to title this discussion. I am just wondering if I am weird in that I do try ensure that my AC (Particularly the one who lives close by), know exactly where all paperwork is for when I do eventually die.

I have all the deeds and paperwork related to my flat in a file in a drawer, in aanother drawer are what I call my 'Private Papers' which contain, birth certificate, etc. main copy of my will ( all my AC have a photocopy of this), details as to who will need contacting, etc. etc. I have made sure that she knows where these papers are, and the drawers are labelled.

Both my two eldest daughters also know the code I use for my credit cards, etc. and how to be able to obtain easy access to my accounts.

I feel that this is important part of parenting. It will be difficult enough for them when I do die, and I want to make those first few weeks as easy as I can for them,. I have little concern as to how I get cremated, etc. although have also left them details of the local humanist society celebrants,

When my Mum died all that had to be sorted was her funeral, but after my fathers' death had to cope with sorting everything out (both their clothes, and furniture, etc. etc. - Wished I had listened to him more closely when he had tried to inform me about some things. And, there was no property involved then.

Do other people on here do this?

My older brother used to really annoy me when I used to ask him about any arrangements he had made and he always replied 'Won't be his problem'. He was correct!! It was mine, and I really resented it.

I am not gloom and doom - but accept, that I will eventually die (hopefully well before my remaining five AC). We all know the responsibility of making wills, but these other arrangements - how many people do put them in place?

Not weird at all! My Mum regularly reminds me where all the paperwork is and she has bought and paid for her funeral plan. She says she only wants a shroud (my Dad was buried in his best suit) but I feel she ought to be in something better and will discuss this with her.

It is something we should talk about more, both with our AC and with our other halves - when Dad died Mum didn't know whether he wanted to be buried or cremated!

I have started my "Scandinavian death cleaning". I spend a little time every day looking through old things, appreciating some items and disposing of or throwing away others if I feel so inclined. Absolutely no pressure. It's very relaxed and unhurried and I hope by reducing my possessions substantially over a long period of time to ease the way for my next of kin.

I am 53 yrs old and have lived with Multiple Sclerosis for 44 of those years, so not knowing what each day will bring, I've done my will, have already planned/am paying for my funeral and I'm currently saving to be able to pay for LPA's for money and health for my younger son (I have 2 but am estranged from the elder one).
I know that the current law concerning organ donation says that we're all automatically potential organ donors, unless we specifically state otherwise but I've always said that if any part of me can be used by someone else after I'm gone then they're welcome to have those parts.
The will, deeds for my house, insurance papers, birth certificate etc are all kept in a little safe with both digital and key access. My son knows the pin no and where to find a key if the batteries in the safe are too low to work properly.
I have a few pieces of jewellery, probably only worth maybe £3,000 in total, which are dotted around the house, so I need to collect them up and maybe put them in the safe.
I have lists of my bank accounts and all my regular bills (gas/electric, water, tv licence, sky, mobile, house alarm company etc) with their telephone and account numbers, kept in a specific file on my laptop which my son knows the password for.
There is also a list of other people who would need to be notified (friends, dog walkers etc).
My best friend is at the top of that list because if I go before my dog, she's promised to take him. She has had this breed for close to 30 years and currently has 2, so she is the only person I would trust to take on my dog.
My son also knows the pin numbers for my bank accounts and I'm currently considering having his name added to them to make it easier for him to access the little cash I have once I'm gone. Bank accounts get frozen until probate has been granted but with a second, living person named on an account, they can't freeze it.
I know many people will not agree with the way my will is written but I'm basically bequeathing everything to my younger son and have put a letter with my will stating that I have intentionally not left anything for the elder son. My GP has witnessed the will as I don't want there to be any way for him to contest it because my GP wouldn't have witnessed it if she didn't think I was of 'Sound Mind' when I wrote it.
I do have an insurance policy for the elder son that should have paid out when he was 21 (2010) but I've held it back because of the issues we've had but I will be writing him a letter for when I'm gone and the details of this policy and how to access it will be noted in it.
I'll also be writing my younger son a letter but this will have no official stuff in it, just telling him how much I appreciate everything he's done for me and that I love him etc.
I hadn't thought about writing a few notes for things to be said at my funeral but maybe I'll put something together to help my son when discussing this with whoever ends up officiating the service.
I'm also in the process of sorting out all my belongings, I do have some hoarding tendencies and with just myself and the dog rattling around my 3-bed house, I've managed to acquire quite a lot of 'stuff'. I'm planning to downsize in the spring so I need to cull quite a bit but I'll also be doing it with my son in mind, knowing that he'll be the one who has to deal with it all once I'm gone, so I'll try to be thoughtful whilst deciding what I'll be keeping.
I also hadn't thought about writing lists about finding things in the house or how things work (I've got loads of 'smart' stuff to help me around the house), so I'm adding that to my 'To Do List'.
I've already had discussions with my son about these things, so he knows (although he'd already assumed anyway) that everything was likely to end up on his shoulders, so as much as we're both hoping I'm going to be here for a good many years yet, he's grateful that I've got a lot of the immediate 'stuff' already organised and he's only got to make one phone call to set the wheels in motion when the time comes.

I saw one like this in our local garden centre and bought it. My husband and I decided it was really helpful. My daughters weren't keen to see it but agreed it would be helpful as long as we kept it up to date with any changes and they both have a copy of our wills. (I hope the link works)

www.amazon.co.uk/What-When-Die-Pre-Death-Information/dp/1697302807/ref=pd_bxgy_img_1/257-0430130-1749862?psc=1&pf_rd_p=c7ea61ca-7168-47e3-9c8b-d84748f5b23c&pf_rd_r=3K5EZQHEJ1JFHDJW8JA0&pd_rd_wg=8Bk66&pd_rd_i=1697302807&pd_rd_w=W82ug&tag=gransnetforum-21&pd_rd_r=cfc1cf42-a3d7-443f-bee9-f207c0d7ec40

My mum died recently. She thought she’d made all the arrangements so we wouldn’t have to. Here’s what went wrong. She changed her funeral director. When she died we were all too distraught to fully comprehend and sent her body off to the wrong undertakers. I can’t begin to tell you the mess that caused. She had everything sorted out and all her papers were put in a bag behind the door. She had a tiny garden room with limited space. So when the ambulance came, they were unable to find it. While she was alive, we were all in denial and refused to actually listen to her. We didn’t take into account the lack of mortuary space, the insistence that we remove her body ASAP, and how grief stricken we would be. So I’ve made copies of our funeral plans and will give them to each child. To be updated every now and again, and old copies to be destroyed!

I have a file on an external harddrive that contains details of insurance, bank accounts etc and have told my son where to find it and how to access it. It also contains information about any papers, such as the deeds to this house that are not available online.

Our will is registered with the public notary - a service we have in Denmark, that means that no-one can find and illegally destroy a will, or at least they can, but it will do them no good as the notary automatically registers his copy for probate, when he receives one or other of our social security numbers as being among the deceased of the previous day.

Here bank accounts are frozen on the death of the holder, so our direct debit is in both our names, so the survivor can access it.

We have also discussed with each other and our son the details of our funerals and the contents of our will.

My parents had kept most of the relevant papers in a desk drawer, but not all of them, and it took me and my father quite some hours to sift through them on my mother's death. I didn't actually find the list of hymns she wanted at her funeral until seven years later, when I was arranging Daddy's!

The house was a mess with tax returns from 1970 - ten years' prior to Daddy's retirement kept for no earthly reason - he died in 2007, packing cases still not unpacked after a removal accomplished (if that is the word) in 1980 and anything that was not wanted, but might come in useful flung into the attics!

My maternal aunt had sometime around her 85th birthday gone through letters, photographs etc and destroyed those she did not want us to see, and parcelled up the rest for my sister and me with instructions that we could keep or dispose of them as we liked.

Her attic was empty of all but a very small handful of things, her cupboards and drawers tidy and notes written and laid with keepsakes to various family and friends. Her funeral was paid in advance.

I know which house was the easiest to deal with!

I am careful that we from now on only keep things we need and want to keep and not a vast quantity of odds and ends that might come in useful!

Will is done (regularly updated); letter of wishes sorted (likewise); funeral pre paid. Power of attorney (health and welfare) done in case become mentally incapable prior to death. ACs have details of solicitors where all important documents held. Also, contact details of financial adviser who has been such a help over the years, especially when things went pear shaped!
However, agree that finding time to sort out old photos/family history stuff from all the clutter - when you still have to run a house/garden/finances and look after other people - is a constant headache!

My Dad's was fairly easy to do as all his stuff (banks, bills etc) were organised. Luckily there was also a copy of the will as his solicitor couldn't find theirs - it was one of those his original solicitor has retired, passed all his papers to another company, that had been swallowed up by another one...

The in laws I dread. We don't even have a key to the house...Still it will be dh and his brothers problem!!

We have tried asking our children to come and look in our filing drawers and they are not interested "just yet" they say. we are in our mid 80's. We have Wills and Power of Attorney for both of us.
I did find having Power of Attorney for my aunt very helpful dealing with all kinds of things before Probate. It allows you to put procedures in place and organisations will "speak to you"!
I thought our DCs would be more modern than us about these things.

Franbern
We have just both taken out a funeral plan, paying in full in advance and guaranteeing fixed price however long it is before being put into operation. (Hopefully not for a good few years yet, but in this current virus crisis anything could happen!)
I told both AC and they have always known where vital paperwork ( wills, etc.) are located. They both also know where to access passwords for all sites on computer. I have written a few suggestions for service and details of how I want specific belongings distributed.
I think they were surprised but appreciative of the forethought.

My funeral is paid for already and my family know where the relevant papers are.

hugshelp I like the idea of 'affairs in order' book. I am going to add that to my list of things to sort over the next few weeks. Plus an electronic copy. Thanks.

At 80 and living alone, my daughter and Sil know what I want and the paper work they will need is all in a place they know where to find it.I don't want a funeral. My daughter's know what has to be done . There is nothing more I can do just now.

I have made my will, paid for funeral, bought plot in local cemetary and everything paperwise is in a breif case and they all know where that is. Hopefully i have made all that side of things helpful, its the clearing of the house which worries me. I have so much to still do plus the shed. New one being installed next month so much of the old shed's belongings will be got rid of when transfering to new one. I dont own my home , local HA, so they will have to pay rent whilst clearing it which is why i need to get my skates on and start getting rid of 'stuff' It is just hard to get motivated at the moment. so many other things going on in my life that need attention and i get soo very tired these days. Age and possible that the meds i take dont help, plus of course a good mix of laziness!!!!

I have a notebook with everything I can think of that will be needed after I am gone. I made a list of what to do and included telephone numbers of people and organisations that will have to be contacted, where our wills are, what to do about the deeds of our house and also my final wishes, unfortunately DH won’t discuss much about death but as we have been married for 56 years I have a good idea of what his final wishes would be so I have included suggestions in the notebook. DH and our two sons know where the notebook is. In the past couple of years DH and I have started to declutter and I have been through all our photos and written on the back who everybody is. We have a beautiful group photo of DH’s maternal grandmother’s wedding and sadly by the time we acquired it there are several people who can’t be identified.

We did simple mirror wills some years ago. It is time we updated them. Just some small adjustments but it is odd how you change. Now I think the absolute minimum of fuss would be best, but really whatever makes the family feel comfortable is what matters if we are not there. The people who loved us and knew us hopefully will still feel the same. If we can try to always live by the the two main rules of Do No Harm and Be Kind , then we will have done our best and can slip quietly away to make room for others. I do sometimes ponder on the thought "What am I doing to pay for the space I take up on this earth. Am I putting something back?"
A melancholic post that has made me think. I will start preparing to make things easier for our children and each other.

Earlier this year I paid for my funeral and have told both my children and my siblings . . . that way, they won't have that worry. I've also written my will and even assigned one of them to have charge of my FB account after I die. I now need to write down the access codes to my computer and tablet and place them with my will. I also intend to leave an envelope with a sum of cash for immediate access for my children to buy flowers and pay for the tea afterwards. I'm in my early 60s and in good health so hope I have many years ahead but feel happy knowing plans are in place.