Friend who has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s

I would too, Summerlove.

FarNorth

There are tactful and non-tactful ways of saying the same thing, tho.

Yes, but some people don’t hear the truth if it’s softened too much

Others will say there was no softening, even if there was, if they don’t like the diagnosis.

I’d much rather a forthright doctor than one who doesn’t get the whole thing out to avoid causing me distress

Presumably not everyone is able to have anyone with them when being given a diagnosis.

It’s just as well my brother was with my mother when the GP gave her the Alzheimer’s diagnosis - as per my pp, she’d completely forgotten by the time she got home, and never did believe it if we tried to remind her - which we soon stopped, as pointless, and only made her cross.

It wasn’t ‘denial’ as such - I’m sure she genuinely thought there was nothing wrong with her, which I put down to the fact that at any given moment, she couldn’t remember that she couldn’t remember anything. (If that makes sense.).

I'm not sure how someone can't understand the need to be mindful when delivering life changing diagnoses.
It's common sense, surely?

There are tactful and non-tactful ways of saying the same thing, tho.

Hetty58

nanna8, these days, doctors seem obliged to tell everyone their diagnosis, with no attempted softening of the blow. I suppose we have a right to know and can plan accordingly.

I don't see why being without a car would require a house move, though. I've never had a car - and can always get a cab. You'd have to be out a lot to find it more expensive.

I’m not sure I understand this

Of course doctors have to tell people what’s wrong!

It’s not the drs fault that patients don’t have a support person with them

I was 400 miles away and couldn’t stop her driving “just to the shops” but she was finally diagnosed when she became confused at a junction and pulled out in front of a motorbike.

Notice that nanna8.
That motorcyclist could have been killed, or seriously injured.

A friend of mine gave up driving in her mid 70s because she had twice realised she was pulling out to overtake without noticing there was something coming.

Tesco do this where my mother-in-law lives kittylester.

Just remembered our local budgens laid on a bus every Thursday morning that went round the villages collecting people, took them to the shop and came back a couple of hours later. It was really well used.

kittylester

But lots of villages and communities now have volunteer drivers or community buses.

Yes, my relative found that service very good, they would pick up in her road, then they had a couple of hours in town before taking them home again practically to the door.

I'm not sure what the situation is in Australia but I do remember our relative going on a bus to the nearby shopping centre - they'd all go off in a group from her sheltered housing complex.

Public transport here has got much worse; a friend who doesn't drive and whose husband as given up driving was bemoaning the fact that not even taxis are running in the evenings so they cannot attend evening meetings unless they ask a friend for lifts.

I have known a couple of people who drove when they were becoming confused but before their diagnosis of dementia. One, a neighbour, was obviously a danger to herself and others and did not even recognise her own car in a car park.
The other, a relative, was frightened after she ad an accident (no-one else involved) and decided to give up her car. There was a Dial a Ride service where she lived.

Nanna8 I hope someone was with your friend when she received her diagnosis and that she gets the support she needs. Our relative in Australia who has dementia was living in sheltered housing when she was diagnosed, having already moved from a rural location so transport, shopping etc were convenient and she was able to continue at home on her own for quite some time.

But lots of villages and communities now have volunteer drivers or community buses.

When I lived in a village it was £20 for a taxi to drive out from the nearest town, collect and take me back into town. And £20 for the return journey.

And this was 15 years ago. Goodness knows how much it is now?

Very true, Welbeck.
A friend was recently diagnosed with a condition (not dementia) that means she’s not allowed to drive for at least 6 months.
As she said, thank God she’d moved after being widowed, from very rural N Devon, to a flat close to a city centre, where there is excellent public transport and taxis - if needed - are easily available.

depends how rural they are.
out in the depths of the country it can be v difficult to get a cab.
ok in the city or burbs.

nanna8, these days, doctors seem obliged to tell everyone their diagnosis, with no attempted softening of the blow. I suppose we have a right to know and can plan accordingly.

I don't see why being without a car would require a house move, though. I've never had a car - and can always get a cab. You'd have to be out a lot to find it more expensive.

My Mum also used to be a teacher. Looking back the first clue to her Alzheimer's, before diagnosis, was the loss of concentration for reading.
One year on holiday she didn't bring any books, which was most unlike her, but just bought a couple of magazines at the airport and sat idly turning the pages for two weeks.

Her diagnosis didn't seem to bother her, she dismissed it saying she was just a bit forgetful which was only to be expected at her age.

The main problem we had was that she refused to have any outside help, insisting my Dad did everything. We all lived too far away to help regularly and he was exhausted.

Eventually she had a bad fall and a lengthy hospital stay.
A super social worker insisted on home care being put in place before Mum could be discharged.
If Mum and Dad hadn't agreed, the social worker told me I could overrule them as I had power of attorney. Thankfully it didn't come to that.
Dad benefitted so much from this and they both became very fond of the lovely carer, who was with them until Mum died peacefully at home.

My father had vascular dementia and the first sign was he had several small bumps in his car, my BIL had early onset dementia and I remember him struggling to learn a new card game several years before he showed other problems (eg couldn't use a cash machine). He'd always been quite sharp but it never crossed my mind that he was showing signs of dementia, tbh I thought he was depressed!

The trouble with driving even just locally, once someone has dementia, is that people can and do forget even previously very familiar routes to places only a short distance away.

Quite early though in his dementia my FiL would regularly forget the way home from a local shop only a 10 minute walk away.
He would also keep buying sausages, even thought there were several packs already in his fridge, but that’s another story.

It is necessary to inform the DVLA of any health condition that might affect one's driving and the DVLA will often refer to the GP but a diagnosis of dementia doesn't automatically mean that someone should stop driving.

And, we all have a duty to report someone who we believe is not fit to drive for whatever reason even if they have not had a formal diagnosis.

If you have been given a diagnosis of dementia you have to inform the DVLA and your insurance company. In my work (with people who had the diagnosis of dementia) I found on occasion folk had forgotten to renew their driving licences so were driving illegally!
With regards the OP mentioning the blunt manner of the doctor it can sometimes be hard for the diagnosis to be accepted and it needs to be very clearly explained. Often when told not to drive the patient will list how long they have been driving for, that they have never had an accident and they only travel locally. But unfortunately if they are becoming forgetful and their concentration is poor when suddenly experiencing an unusual circumstance like road works, child running out into the road or similar they are unable to deal with it quickly and so it is imperative they stop before they injure themselves or someone else. The lady mentioned should hopefully have access to a community psychiatric nurse and/or social worker who will help with medication (which is available to those with Alzheimers), ongoing plans, benefits etc

Kali2

Really shocked to read you can appeal a driving ban.

We have a close relative in the UK on is aiming for similar diagnosis- we have all known for a long time- but now it is becoming official. It's just awfu- such an intelligen and talented man too. But his driving is so erratic, and although I know he will absolutely hate and resent this terribly- I hope he will be told to stop driving asap, and that no appeal will be allowed.

A diagnosis of dementia of any sort does not automatically preclude driving. And, if the person feels it is unfair, they can appeal and be tested.

Some people will be diagnosed very early and still be able to do lots of things for a good while and to ban just on a diagnosis isn't necessarily the best thing today.

No two people have the same journey with dementia.

If you are concerned about someone's driving you have a duty to report it to the DVLA regardless of any diagnosis.

Having a diagnosis will be an awful shock for her as she is obviously still able to understand
medication is one answer and it kept my friend for ten years BUT she was a shadow of herself just terribly meek and compliant without an ounce of herself in her she was just there eating, sleeping using the loo but not anything going on at all She would sit quietly for hours I wouldn’t want to be like that so I would choose (if I had the choice ) not to know

Doctors can be very blunt (obviously not all) and I actually put a complaint in when my 92 year old Dad was told he was terminal completely out of the blue, when he believed he was a bit anaemic, he was completely alone when he was told, no one to hold his hand or soften the blow at all He gave up and was dead in three weeks He had paid for all his grandchildren to come home from the four corners for a family reunion 3 months on from the news He died 3 weeks later without seeing them and I believe the shock killed him quicker I believe without that news he would have hung on and I can never forgive that doctor for being so John blunt If he hadn’t have known he would have found the strength to continue until he saw his grandkids then he would have let go but to tell him completely alone was so cruel

When our old neighbour developed Alzheimer’s he was told to stop driving so his brother took the car keys away ‘ just in case’ and that was very wise.

Really shocked to read you can appeal a driving ban.

We have a close relative in the UK on is aiming for similar diagnosis- we have all known for a long time- but now it is becoming official. It's just awfu- such an intelligen and talented man too. But his driving is so erratic, and although I know he will absolutely hate and resent this terribly- I hope he will be told to stop driving asap, and that no appeal will be allowed.