Rude son-in-law

My ex SIL was one of the most unpleasant men I’ve ever met. He blew hot and cold and was very rude, eventually making my daughter very unhappy. She finally broke with him, thank goodness.

He is still a good father but is only every other weekend. He does nothing to support them in school or outside activities.

I feel your pain but try to ignore his unpleasantness for your daughter’s sake. Nobody knows was the future holds and your daughter may need you in the future. It’s difficult but just be there for your daughter.

Best to smile and wave to keep the peace.

I think you are going to have to let it go. He is your daughters choice, if you say anything to her she will need to take sides. Do not make her choose as she may not choose you.

As you are visiting, I would let it go. It won't be for long, and you never know, he might feel undermined with his mother-in-law being around.
If you say anything, it could escalate, and your daughter doesn't need that.
I'm sorry you are upset, though. It must be tough.

Yes...ignore him as much as possible. Concentrate on your daughter and grandchildren.

Unfortunately, your daughter picked him, and he may have attributes you just don’t see.

As long as she is happy, and the children well cared for, don’t rock any boats, just cherish what you do have.

At least they’re not living near..maybe that’s a bonus!

Congratulations on the new baby.

First congratulations on a new grandchild. The situation you are in is upsetting but let it go if you don’t your daughters loyalty to her husband will upset you more. (Been there wore the T-shirt as the saying goes). You probably haven’t done anything but your daughters husband may have not had a loving upbringing. It’s possible he is envious of your daughters relationship with you. Instead of embracing it he resents it. Just go with the flow like a pinch of salt. It’s not going to be easy but enjoy your daughter and new baby.

My sil has been very difficult but been around for over 9 years they have three children, we tolerate him always try to be nice and hopefully he does't turn up when they come to us but we are always careful as I am sure if we ever pushed our dd she would choose him and we would loose our beloved grandsons.
Its not worth rocking the boat the price could be very high.

Ignore him Maine, make light of anything he does or says with a smile or even a little chuckle.

The most important thing is that your D wants and needs you to be a part of her's and the children's lives so treasure every moment and be as dismissive of him, a he is of you.

Congratulations on the safe delivery of your new GC. It will take more than a "jerk" to spoil this wonderful time for you I'm sure.

Im confused, you stated on a different thread on 16th Sept that your daughter moved to Ireland from South Africa, on this thread you have said your daughter lives in Ireland and you in SA!

That makes sense doesn't it, if the OP and her D lived in SA, her D's moved to Ireland so lives there and the OP still lives in SA.

Smileless2012

That makes sense doesn't it, if the OP and her D lived in SA, her D's moved to Ireland so lives there and the OP still lives in SA.

My first senior moment of the day! ?

I am guessing he had a very different upbringing to your DDs. Is it possible that he thought he was helping by taking time off to look after the older GC? As others have said, specially as this is a visit, try and go with the flow don't rise to any provocation on his part, just enjoy being with your DD and the GC.

Do take care , enjoy the relationship you have with your daughter. I agree with what has been said , if you voice your opinions about your SIL then you are in great danger is losing your daughter and your GC! I know how difficult it is but preserve you mum / daughter relationship. If your daughters marriage crumbles she will need you .

A word of warning- no matter how much you dislike him, be very careful who you share your feelings and thoughts about him with.

These things can find their way back to the person in question and can sour relationships for ever more.

I know - I've just, finally, discovered why my OH has detested my mother for the last 15 years.

Thanks everyone. It helps to hear others opinion

Agree with everything that had been said. Just try to ignore any unpleasantness. Don't try to push anything, you could risk losing your daughter and grandchildren,

I have a similar situation with my DIL. It nearly blew up into full blown estrangement recently, in fact it could still happen, so I'm just keeping my mouth shut and maintaining a low profile.

Always remember the old adage...," least said, soonest mended".