The Innocence of Children

One of mine was adamant that they weren’t going to school because it was ‘insect’ day. (Inset). We found it hard not to laugh. She said the teachers would all be counting insects.

When my girl was about two, she insisted she wanted dibbits for lunch.
I had no idea what she meant, and she got quite upset as only dibbits would do.
She made it clear when she said she wanted egg and dibbits.
You dib the slices of bread into your egg.

I asked my daughter one day if my 2 yr old grand-daughter had fallen asleep for her afternoon nap. My grand-daughter replied, No, I haven't fallen asleep yet, my eyes are still looking.

MissAdventure

One of my exes little girls christmas list to Father Christmas had the following on it...
1 dog (shorthaired)

So many great ones but I especially snorted out loud at yours MissA !
?

Absolutely precious! Thanks for the laughs. ?

When I worked as a classroom assistant many moons ago we had an Open Day at our Primary School. The teacher made sure every child in her class had something on display. During the morning an older lady quietly sidled up to talk to the teacher. This lady had recently married after being a widow for some years. She explained her grandchildren called her new husband 'Uncle'. The little girl had written. 'We went to see Granny but she was in bed with my Uncle'. One red faced Granny.

One of my exes little girls christmas list to Father Christmas had the following on it...
1 dog (shorthaired)

These really brightened my day so good to have laugh instead of worrying.

My favourite was my daughter singing "Ruby don't take your gloves to town" we didn't correct her,

When I was a childminder, the little boy I was looking after was about 3. One day, as I was strapping him into his car seat, the conversation went:

L - HG. . .
Me - Yes, L
L - you've got lovely hair
Me - Thank you L, You've got lovely hair too
L - HG . . .
Me - yes L
L - you've got lovely eyes
Me - thank you L, you've got lovely eyes too
L - HG . . . .
Me - Yes L (preening myself for the next compliment)
L - you've got all black hair up your nose

Ego instantly deflated

When my son was about 4 or 5, he had two wonderful wordslips. He told me that school was going to the pantomime, and the children were going to be in the applaudience.

The second was when I was cooking dinner and he asked if we were going to have brocciflower

Deedaa

Many, many years ago when I was about two my mother was getting undressed for bed when I started crying. She came rushing, starkers, into my room. I immediately became incandescent with rage and screamed "Where your nightie eh? You put it on!" She never did find out what I had been crying about.

My 2 year old son’s horrified response when his father came into the room starkers: “Daddy, where’s your slippers?!”

My 7 year old grandson has written his Christmas list.
One of the items is £100,000.
I suspect that that will be negotiated down.

When my son was about 3 we got on a bus and it was very crowded. I said to him he would have to sit on my knee to let someone sit down and he said in a loud voice "Oh I wish all these old people were dead." He's in his forties now and when I tease him about it he cringes.

We went on a camping holiday when DD was about 5 and DS was 8, and we were sitting outside with a glass of wine when they were supposed to be going to sleep inside the tent - their conversation went like this:
DD - Do you know what a condom is?
DS - I don't know much but I do know you can only use it once!!!

At about 8 the dd of a friend of mine chose the moment when friend was peeling potatoes, to say, ‘Mummy, Sarah at school told me that to get a baby, a man has to put his willy into a lady’s (whatever she called it). Is it true?’

Friend (bracing herself), ‘Well, yes, it is.’

Dd. ‘Oh. (Pause). ‘Did you and daddy do that to get me?’

Friend (re-bracing). ‘Well yes, we did.’

Dd. ‘Oh.’ (Very long pause.). EEUURRGHH!!!

DD2 told me earlier on today she’d been having trouble with an online order yesterday and had been in contact with the retailer after a wait on the phone. When she finished she flopped onto her sofa and DGD age 3 said “Are you feeling a little frustrated”

My nephew at 7 or so once remarked to my sister that their dog was licking his balls.
Sister said best not to use that word - the proper one was ‘testicles’.
Some weeks later he said, ‘What was that word again, Mum? The one that means willyballs?’

my daughter's was

round yon fir tree mother and child
holy infant so tender and wild

My adult DS who has Downs Syndrome, came home from secondary school one and said that they had been practicing using condoms! That threw me. I had to ask, though, how they did it, ( meantime his two sisters ran out of the room ). He said,
“ We put them on carrots .” I suspect that defeated the purpose.

It wasn't my children but a friends

Onward Christian Soldiers marching up the Wall.

Thank you everyone. They are a joy to read.

DD thought God’s name was Peter because we say “Thanks Peter God” (thanks be to God) while DS said it was Harold (Hallowed be Thy Name)

I was asked in class why Mary rode a donkey when they were going to pay for a taxi.
My DD was Mary in the nativity play and when it was announced that Jesus had been born she whipped a doll out from under her long dress certainly not planned by the teacher.
The funniest was a Christmas play when a little boy weed himself on stage another very precocious child turned and said'A very authentic reindeer", the hall was in an uproar.

Many, many years ago when I was about two my mother was getting undressed for bed when I started crying. She came rushing, starkers, into my room. I immediately became incandescent with rage and screamed "Where your nightie eh? You put it on!" She never did find out what I had been crying about.

My daughter has just told me about a small boy who was a king in the school nativity play proudly announcing …Frank sent me!

Thank you everyone for sharing these funny moments. I haven’t laughed so much in ages! ?