To see ourselves as others see us! How do you think others see you?

My daughter had a go at me in the summer and told me how awful I am and how I always twist everything so that others are in the wrong.I had been careful not to annoy her as she was stressed but I was amazed at her thoughts.
I have been described as very relaxed and easy to get on with, full of sensible advice and a good listener.
Ex regards me as very nosey and a mine of information and probably a bit of a bully.
I don't really recognise myself from this as I am shy and lack confidence and often feel the odd one out in groups.

I’m also in the group who are still mourning the loss of a loved one, I lost my wonderful husband of 43 years back in the summer and miss him so much it physically hurts. People keep telling me how well they think I’m doing and some have said they’re sure I’ll be ok because I’m such a ‘strong person’ Just shows how deceptive appearances can be. I try to make an effort & be positive when I meet up with friends who have been so kind but when I walk back into the empty house after an evening or afternoon out it really hits home.

As others have said you feel you can’t keep inflicting your heartache on others so they probably get the wrong impression. Thinking of all who are grieving, especially as we approach Christmas.

Boz

It's sad how many people on here lack confidence in themselves and I blame the education system.
I went to an all girl's school and they taught self-confidence.
If you believe in yourself, you can reach for the stars.

You might blame the education system but I blame my mother.

Im glad this post came up because not long ago i said that i would like to know just how i was viewed by my friends.

I envisaged i know sat round a table, of course i was absent, a hidden camera was 'hidden' and yours truly was the subject of discussion.

Writing this down now makes me think, WHOAAAAAA WEIRD !!!!! hahahaha, but there you go. I had forgotten about it until i saw this post.

How do i see myself? Well, kind, considerate, super understanding, non judgemental but also a 'fence sitter' who will be all the things listed, ONCE i have cone off my fence.

My friend once said "You must have splinters in your arse, you've been sat on that fence so long."

Naninka, after reading the good reviews on your book I have bought a kindle version and have added it to my books to read.

Visually, in shops, people clearly see me now as an elderly lady since I went grey! I’m still the fully functioning person I’ve always been, brain sharp, active but with a few aches and pains. It’s funny really so I’ll take full advantage!

Luckygirl3. me too unfortunately, reading the comments, I guess there are many like us. After losing my Husband 4 years ago, I didn't think it could get any worse, then my Key worker Daughter died last year of Covid, leaving my 4 Grandchildren homeless and penniless, as you say..... and so the act goes continues!

Physically I imagine people see what Blossoming describes. As for personality, probably depends in what capacity: in my professional life I was regarded as a bit fierce, although I always thought I was kind. In other situations people view me, it would seem, as kinder and more friendly than I imagine that they would.

I’m quite clear how my daughter thinks of me, and it’s not pleasant. She tells me I’m aggressive, intolerant, and a TERF! Yet, she has no problem with me looking after her young children for twenty plus hours a week. The constant criticism has destroyed my self- confidence and made me dislike myself to the point that I avoid social contact and have dropped most of my friendships.

Someone who lived with us once told us that she was asked about life in the GA household, and her answer was that there’s no mismatch between our public and private personas. The discussion was in the context that she was very different at home with us than she was elsewhere, but we’re not.

In part I suppose that’s because so much of our daily life is exposed to the non-family people who live with us, which means that there’s very little in our lives that is actually private.

It's sad how many people on here lack confidence in themselves and I blame the education system.
I went to an all girl's school and they taught self-confidence.
If you believe in yourself, you can reach for the stars.

I just assume that however I think others see me I am wrong bercause in such circumstances one always is.

I am always surprised that people like me and value me.

I am quite upbeat but shy and lacking in confidence.

I think people who know me well assume I am a leader, an organiser, kind hearted, confident, positive and loyal! I am all of these but underneath I am lonely, needy and insecure plus grieving for my mum !
Sometimes I just desperately want to be on my own to read, to be, to recharge!

When in a group, mine is the voice that isn't heard. I can manage a sentence or two, then someone else butts in. I've never been good at making friends. It sounds sad to say that I've never had a really close one, but it doesn't bother me. I quite like my own company, and am not fond of big gatherings, but I'm in a choir and U3A and enjoy some socialising, in small doses.
What does sometimes bother me is the fact that I never seem to be seriously affected by bad things that happen, and seem to lack emotion to some extent. I have coped well with bereavements. Even when I was attacked with a knife, last year, I stayed pretty calm and, luckily, came out of it with only minor injuries. I was warned that it might lead to PTSD, but I haven't had any serious after effects. People think that I am amazingly tough, but it's just the way I am. Likewise, I never seem to experience extreme joy, even over the birth of my children and grandchildren.
I think that people see me as quiet, friendly and helpful. Not too bothered about how I look, as long as I'm clean, tidy and comfortable. Someone who copes with anything life throws at me, which about sums me up, I suppose.

I seem to relate well to children. They say I am kind but really I hate confrontation so get them to do what I want by cajoling, bribery or distraction.
At church I sometimes stand at the front and do the children's talk, which is not a problem for me, and because of this people think I am confident and outgoing. However, in a one-to-one situation with adults I get self-conscious and tongue tied. I am embarrassed to eat in front of acquaintances and hate speaking on the phone.
I enjoy crafts and making things. I copy lots of craft ideas from the internet and people think I am very creative and artistic when actually I'm just practical.

To Nexus 63 and hugs. Hope life improves for you soon.

I'm probably seen as not a good listener as I talk far too much. It's not new, not because I bow live on my own, I've always been very talkative. I do try to remember to let others talk now, on occasion I still forget. I'd like to think that others also find me kind, helpful and amusing. I think I'd be s are to ask. ??

Really? I would assume that anyone who knows me hates me.
Yes, I am being serious, no I’m not being melodramatic.

It’s not that I ever do anything particularly objectionable, nonetheless, everyone I meet seems to dislike me on sight.

I’m not seeking sympathy, just answering the OP honestly.

I don't really care too much. You know the saying 'be true to yourself', that's it. You be You and stop trying to be what others want you to be. You can spend too much of your life trying to live up to other's idea of you, that you end up living a miserable life. I was like that in my earlier years but now I do what I want, when I want.

The other day one of the ladies at work told me she finds me scary. I have never thought of myself that way, I am actually quite shy so I dont know what to make of that.

I really don't want to know!

I am told I come across as super confident, efficient and capable and sometime intimidating. Inside I am quite shy, worry about what people think of me and hate going to parties with lots of strange people.

I suppose I am fairly efficient and good in a crisis but I am also a worrier.

However, I am genuinely interested in other people and prefer to talk about them than myself.

A chatterbox, I think though cos I live alone when I see people I don't shut up. Also I am very independent, hate asking for help, although that's my downfall at times as I'm not as able to do things like I used to.

Kate1949..........meet your identical twin here ! Thanks for the eloquent description.

Am having therapy at the moment to try to become more confident and more assertive. It's a struggle, but hopefully worth it.

All the best