A Very Argy Christmas

There was a bit of a scuffle at the end last night when one of the Chippendale's thongs, unable to take the strain, snapped and hit a large woman in the eye.
She headed towards him muscles rippling and red faced. His ardour soon subsided and he fled and was last seen running down Pigstrotter Alley with an Amazonian type woman chasing him. She was delivering a parcel at the same time.

Right Alarma sorted. The bubbles went up her nose and she didn’t like it so she’s stopped drinking. I have promised her chips when the chippy opens if she’ll sit on May Hem and Dyna Mite and stop them both throwing their knickers on stage (I was surprised they had any on to be honest ?)
muse seems to be coming round. She seems to be muttering something about making sausage rolls in future.
lemons rushed home saying she needs to see Lord L. I believe she’s taken some of your special poteen with her.
Brilliant evening girls. The takings are well up….as is everything else. ?

Gnasher and Grasper are bringing buckets of water. Alarma is bringing champagne?
We will dowse them down till the fire brigade get here.
I have brought the smelling salts for muse and a pint of poteen.
doodle can you please grab Alarma she is drinking the bucket of champagne.
She will be completely out of control and the chippy is closed.
The Admiral's eyes are out on stalks seeing the results of the Viagra. He had asked me for some?

Oh!!!
Err, AGA I think you’ve overdone the viagra.
Will someone call an ambulance for the woman in the front row please.
Someone pour muse a drink, I think she’s gone into shock.
Someone call the fire brigade I think we need to hose them down. ?

Ooh Carillion ain’t you posh speaking all French like.
What a shame you’ll miss tonight’s performance of the Chippendales. If you don’t make it before, see you at Christmas.
Ok ladies the time has come. Drum roll please. The show is about to start. Quick AGA give them another nip of the ‘special poteen’..
brook lights down low please so no one can really see what they look like.
Lemon put those binoculars away at once. Lowering the tone, really ?
muse are you sure you’re old enough to see this show?
ixion and maddyone you are on security. If anyone try’s to rush the stage, you hold them back.
Ok lights, music ? , action and they’re off.

Bonjour, it has been a petit sojourn at HM pleasure mais ….

bonne apres midi encore citronelle et votre mate Doodle et tous you others.

Just ici pour in petit moment parce que I’m sober.
It is difficile to meet with vous all before 25th but je will think of youse when je quoff mon grogg.

A bientot mes inebriates

I did have difficulty with the Viagra tablets doodle as they kept rising to the top.

I have beaten them into submission now so nobody will notice the addition.
I had to let the Chippendales stay overnight. They were so exhausted after their 10 minutes rehearsal that I took pity on them and let them sleep in the corner covered with the llama blankets.
I may have to add more pep pills to their poteen later.

Well that explains a lot lemon ..I thought they didn’t quite look right
Hope we can get more pasties for tomorrow muse they’ve scoffed the lot

Come one Lemon use your imagination. Dim lighting, lots of poteen for the punters and my secret ingredient will make at a night to remember.
Pssst. AGA have you managed to dissolve all those viagra tablets in the special Chippendales poteen for tomorrow? ?

Now...I like a well oiled bod as much as the next cougar, but lets’s be honest here, these are not the usual Chippendales are they? They are a tribute act from Worksop, The Worksop Working Wobblies ( combined age 500 years) and there are only 5 of them.
Phwoar! Gerrem off ( the stage that is.)

Oh go on then, tell her she can be the genie of the lamp but that is she is then at all other times she must be quiet and out of sight, I will ask Madame Pom Pom to make her a special costume.
I see the Chippendales are limbering up well. I think your rub down helped AGA and I’m sure they will rise to the occasion. ?

The Chippendales have come in for a rehearsal. I have given them a rub down with some linseed oil and beeswax so they can move easily on the night. They are nice and shiny too.
May and Dyna are excited about the panto so will hopefully stay out of trouble.
Talking of trouble Alarma is insisting on starring in the panto. We may need more chips to keep her quiet.

ixion brilliant idea, and even better, let’s sew up the middle so they can’t get out and cause trouble.

Hmmm Lemon you’re saying there’s nothing remotely regular about the Argy staff or customers but now you want laxatives in the poteen. Are you on a crusade to improve the bowel habits of all at the Argy ?.?

brook seems to have found the answer to making Alarma behave…….chips. Every time she plays up from now on we’ll just bribe her with a visit to the chippy.?
maddy you’re a great addition to the Argy team with your help on the brewing side and behind the bar. Nice to have extra hands around.
AGA that’s some potent concoction you are making. The fumes alone have half the punters drunk before they even get to the bar.
I hope muse can come up with some pasties soon. We need to feed the crowd and keep them drinking.
Great news. I have managed to book the Chippendales for Saturday night.
I have sent Thor out with posters advertising the event and I’m getting him to pose at the door to attract customers too. Lots of tickets sold already.
I was really lucky to get them at short notice.
They were only free because the furniture factory is closing for Christmas.

Why not put May and Dyna in the panto horse outfit, front and back end?
At least you'd know where they were and what they were up to...

I think May Hem and Dyna Mite look splendid after their visit to Madam Pom Pom

Will do lemon although the sleeping pills, pep pills and laxative may have an explosive effect. The poteen is very strong too. ? ? ?

Thanks brook we need extra cash, hope Alarma didn’t nip any of the kids though, last thing we need is a lawsuit.
Disappointing about the pasties muse as the punters were going mad for them.
Aga could you shove a handful of pep pills into the poteen and maybe a packet of laxatives whilst you’re at it?

You did well to get Alarma to behave brook and thanks for bringing Bjorn back. He is needed. For the brewing of course.

That’s me and Bjorn just back from taking the llamas out for the afternoon kiddie rides - they’re looking very festive and have dressed up as reindeer and unicorns to entertain the children, even Alarma behaved after I bribed her with chips

Bjorn is all yours now AGA ?

Thanks Maddy. You are right we will need s a lot and I can't find Bjorn. I hope May Hem or Dyna Mite haven't got their hands on him. He is a good looking hunk so I wouldn't be surprised.

I’ve rolled up my sleeves ready AGA so let’s get on with it. We’ll need very large quantities of poteen. I hope it’ll taste alright with all those extra additives. Never mind, they won’t notice.

I can see trouble ahead if all the above mentioned are at the Argy plus black stockings. I will have to make another brew to counteract the Deadly Dynamite and the deadly Dyna Mite. I will add camomile and lavender and a hefty dose of sleeping pills if things get a bit out of hand.
I know the staff at the Argy are well used to brawls often started by one of us but we will need some calming potion to help.

And I don’t what will happen if they get a glance at those stockings that Doodle got from Madame Pom Pom’s.

But is Private Nurse coming along with them in view of their great age and errr, the likelihood of their taking in great quantities of poteen and whatever’s left of the Shenanigan Spice?