Sad to see Christmas cards going out of fashion

I'm not send any this year due to a bereavement but have noticed in recent years that more people are just sending a happy Christmas text. I remember my parents getting so many cards they would run out of places to put them. I probably get about 15 to 20. Younger generation seem to write 5 or 6 if that.

I Bluetack (Whitetack now) all ours to various painted surfaces - they form part of our decorations, while not being in the way, and IMO look very jolly. And very easy to take down when the time comes. Though not before 6th January, of course. ???

I hold my hands up as one who has never liked Christmas cards. They clutter up the place and generally come from folk who barely know you and don’t really care beyond getting one in return (shameless exaggeration warning) counting up how many cards were receive each year was my mil’s competitive nature in full swing.

We hang ours on the bannister supports-together with sparkling lights. It cheers the hall up. I love to send them and receive them. My adult children still send them but I guess sending cards will eventually stop-not to save the planet but out of sheer apathy.

I think that it's sad that some people get upset when they don't get cards, and also that it's sad that others feel guilt tripped into buying, writing and posting them.

The 'tradition' is something that most of us grew up with, but it's not something that's been happening for hundreds of years. It started in Victorian times when cards were hand made love tokens, which is probably where the idea that they represent 'making an effort' and that they show how much people are loved comes from. They would only have been sent by those with the money and time to make them and send them. It is much more recently that they became mass produced, but those connotations have stuck.

They have picked up other connotations on the way. When I was a child, my mum would buy huge boxes of cards, and sort them into 'best' ones for good friends, 'average' ones for neighbours and colleagues, and 'the rest' for last-minute ones that needed to be sent if a card arrived unexpectedly. Most people seemed to do the same. It was pretty easy to tell where you sat on someone's priority list by which card you got . I don't see that as being about love, but about social hierarchies.

Men very rarely wrote any, which meant that it was another thing for women to do at an already busy time of year. It was also a way of keeping women in line, as the social ramifications of missing someone out were real, and writing them out and organising lists took time. Mum used to write out cards for my father's colleagues and the people he managed, even though she knew hardly any of them. They would have been upset if 'he' didn't send them one, as it was taken as a sign of a caring boss. He was a civil servant, not a paternalistic Squire! Again, social hierarchies, not love.

As I grew up I could see that they were also about shows of apparent popularity. Schools had postboxes for children to post their cards, and they were handed out before playtime in public. Everyone could see how many cards everyone else got, and could compare that to their own haul. Parents were pressured into buying dozens of the things, particularly if they had more than one child, and houses overflowed with them on every horizontal surface and on every wall.

When I got married I was given a book in which to record cards sent and received. My mum had one the same, and would check cards in and out like she was reconciling a bank account. There was huge relief if there was a zero balance on the last post day, a sigh if she got one that had not been reciprocated (children were sent to deliver an 'emergency' one if the address was nearby), and those who 'hadn't bothered' got a tick against them - two consecutive ticks meant they were crossed out and were only restored to 'The List' if they came back into the fold and sent one. The phrase 'She's off my Christmas card list' was widely used (semi jokingly) about people who had been demoted in the friendship stakes, but with whom there hadn't been an actual fall-out.

When I was working and my children were at school, the whole card thing became an annual nightmare. The house was filled with the things, my colleagues, Mr Dog's colleagues, two lots of cards from each child's whole class (by this time, anti-bullying policies had come on stream, and leaving anyone out was not encouraged), plus those from extended family we never saw from one year to the next, and actual friends. Each one had to be reciprocated, although I divided this strictly between us all. Mr Dog did his colleagues and family, I mine, and the children their own. I still had to nudge them all, though, and pretty much always bought the cards. Where was the love?

Is it any wonder that people are sick of it all? Getting something that was only sent because the sender knew that they would be 'struck off' if they hadn't bothered, or because the sender's wife or mother had badgered them to send it is no sign of love or popularity, any more than not sending them is a sign of lack of care.

The very fact that people question those who make excuses says it all, really. 'Does her charity donation equate to the cost of cards?' puts the whole charade onto a financial transaction footing, only sending them to those who send back makes a mockery of genuine friendship, and weighing up someone's perceived carbon footprint against the carbon cost of cards is massively intrusive.

I send a couple to those who will not change their views - all much older than I am. It doesn't necessarily mean that I love those people more than those who don't get one - just that I don't want to deliberately hurt anyone. Otherwise, I stopped buying into the whole thing years ago.

I see your point Doodledog. They are a source of angst for some people and sometimes seen as a public display of how popular or not someone is.

Cynical Doodledog but I agree with every word. Well written, amusing and sadly familiar.

I’m the same as many others, I like getting cards, they are part of our Christmas colour and decoration, so obviously I send them. DH has been nagging me to get them done which tends to have the opposite effect but I should never have told him that no one could read his writing! We’ve sent about 30 but until Friday we’d only received one by post and the three that DD1 brought with her when she came for a too brief weekend in early December. On Friday we received 10 but as I saw they were posted on 6th December we might well get some more.

Something I’ll have to do in January is write to all the kind people who included letters enquiring after our health and giving us a quick update on them and their families.

I’ve got an old address book with much crossing out and changes of address in it too EllanVannin, it’s getting stiff with the sticky labels that I add over the change of address ones now. There are some names I can’t bring myself to cross out.

I have posted about 40 and will be writing another 15-20 e-mails to more people. We are getting 2-3 per day and have about a dozen hanging up in the hall.

I can't get out of the habit!

There is a lot of truth in what you say Doodledog but also many of us genuinely enjoy sending and receiving cards. They form part of my Christmas decorations and I look through them several times during the season to think about old friends and relatives. It's quite important to me. My younger family members don't send cards any more only to me because they know I like them.

Beswitched, it's not an 'old tradition' at all really. Cards (and trees) only became popular in Victorian times. I just send them to the older generation now. I really don't like them myself, so think it's more about the sending than receiving.

I still send cards and receive cards. They are cheery and it’s nice to receive them, but I certainly don’t get upset if I don’t receive one from someone, and I don’t take them off my list. There could be many reasons why they haven’t sent one.

There may come a day when the cost of postage might mean many won’t be sent, but for now, I’ll continue to do so.

Hetty58

Beswitched, it's not an 'old tradition' at all really. Cards (and trees) only became popular in Victorian times. I just send them to the older generation now. I really don't like them myself, so think it's more about the sending than receiving.

Well I meant old as in several generations deep

I don’t get Christmas cards from toy younger generation. I enjoy sending to loved ones and to people I no longer see - at least not regularly. I exchange hand written letters with them so getting those cards is spevial

EllanVannin

Urms mine started out at about 3 dozen years ago but over the years the poor souls have died,, but still a couple of dozen remain.

Which reminds me, my address book ( my Bible ) badly needs editing or renewing altogether with its crossed out people/ addresses and nee names, which I've been using for the past 10 years or more so I've got to a stage where I can just about make things out

I've found this too, I went through my address label files and edited quite a few. I was trying hard to squeeze them onto one sheet of 3 x 7 labels, not quite managed it and the grandchildren will be off soon so it may start to increase again.
When I had an address book I always used pencil, same as my little book of passwords, they change so often.

If you like them, send them. If you don’t, don’t. If you don’t send them the folk who used to send you one will soon get the message. No need to virtue signal about sending money to charity-just do it in secret.
The last few years it’s been much more relaxed for me. I print off the labels and DH writes the cards. We then add any extra wording e.g. congrats on a recent baby, or look forward to seeing you in . . .

I can understand what you say Doodle dog but nowadays it's more about keeping in touch at least for me it is, so I write a bit inside each one.
I love it when a handwritten fat envelope arrives and I look forward to catching up with cousins and friends. All my DC send cards to me though it will be DiL in one case. The DGC draw them

I enjoy my Christmas cards - both receiving and sending them. Like Grammaretto I look forward to the ones with a wee note on them and I usually do a line or two on the ones I send but I do think the custom is definitely dying out. I send about 25/30 cards and receive about the same some delivered through the letter box. I have a card holder on the wall and scatter family ones on various surfaces as part of my decorations. I also send couple of Countryfile calendars but the cost for postage is ridiculous. Our local scouts provided a delivery service for around half the price of a stamp and all monies went straight into their troup's funds but of course that hasn't been an option for last year or this.

I think the cost of postage was the final straw for many people when it comes to the amount of cards they send. You could buy a box of 10 cards for £1, yet it would cost you £6.60 to send them second class. I now only send a very few to elderly relatives and make a donation to my favourite charities instead.

We send and receive about 20 each year but in days gone by we could have had anything up to 40 or more. People move away, sadly die, divorce plays it part and things just dwindle. My mum could easily get 80 in her later years so I do think it’s dying out a bit.

Sending cards at Christmas is one of my favourite things and also writing a round robin type of letter. I think I posted about 40 and hand delivered another 10 or so. We have received about 20ish at the moment which are dotted around the house and have received some lovely newsy letters from some folk who I haven't seen or heard much from since last year. It's never a burden as I start writing the cards very early and the addresses are on a database, I just press a button (or two) and address labels are printed. Doodledog has put a lot of thought into her post. It reads like a school essay, which is no bad thing and I'm sure she feels better for expressing something that she feels so strongly about. Remember the last posting day 2nd class, for Christmas is to-day and Tuesday is the last posting day for 1st class.

Doodledog has put a lot of thought into her post. It reads like a school essay, which is no bad thing and I'm sure she feels better for expressing something that she feels so strongly about.
Thank you (I think ). It wasn't meant to be an essay - I just think and type at the same time.

I don't feel particularly strongly either - I just think it's a shame when people get genuinely upset, which in turn guilt trips others into buying them. There's absolutely no harm in it, otherwise.

It used to be a way of hearing from long lost family and friends. Now of course there’s Facebook! So yes just a couple of cards for a few elderly people who don’t do social media. ?

Not sent them for years and I'd rather not receive any either. Just more clutter and waste. I prefer the e cards.

I dont send them, and I dont like them, I only give cards to my partner, son and daughter and Grandchildren.
I can't pretend to be virtuous, I think they look messy and the place is cluttered. I also dont like work cards with just your name and senders name.
I am not a Grinch. I love Christmas, have a real tree, and I will be with my partner. I will see and hear from my adult son,daughter and Grandchildren. Cards are something I dont need. I always re cycle them.