Living with life choices

I did the same thing 16 years ago JAM49 never in a million years did I expect Brexit and a pandemic.
Like you our children were not fazed by our move as it was relatively easy to visit, they are all grown up now including most of the grandchildren. They are independent and have their own lives but I miss meeting up with them. We have a lovely relaxed life like you in a rural area, but still................

Maybe instead of thinking you have abandoned them, think of it as setting them free.

??maybe that's how they think of it Ilovecheese

Sodapop,does it get easier with time? I have days when I judge myself very negatively, I loved my role and I took my parenting responsibilities so seriously yet I've left them behind and that thought sits heavy.

That's a lovely way to look at it, I hadn't looked at things that way, thank you

Letting them go is part of taking parenthood seriously though isn't it.
Setting them free to live their adult lives is just as important as teaching them to cross the road on their own.

It went the other way for me my children all ‘abandoned’ me ??? I always brought them up to do what they want with their lives and they did One came back ?

I am the child in this scenario as me and my husband moved away when our children were little. I see my relatives have happy lives where they are surrounded by familiar faces and familiar places but it wasn't for me. You have nothing to feel guilty about. The pandemic has made things hard for everyone in different ways but hopefully by the end of this year we will be heading out of a pandemic and into a more normal future and this really is temporary.

Cheer up Jam 49, this pandemic will most certainly pass and we can start to get back to normal. Before this, did your children visit you where you live now? You could have stayed in the UK and they could have moved so your feelings now could be the same. If our children feel free to spread their wings without guilt then we have done a good job. Do you keep in touch by Whats app or Zoom, can you travel to see them? Have you thought of returning?. I really feel for you and hope 2022 will bring you peace and happiness.

BlueBelle

It went the other way for me my children all ‘abandoned’ me ??? I always brought them up to do what they want with their lives and they did One came back ?

Yes, same here but both the other side of the world ?

But you can still be their anchor * JAM49* albeit at a distance, and as a mother you can still guide them through choppy seas if things get rough. You haven't abandoned them if they are happy about your move, so don't beat yourself up.
For what its worth we moved abroad when our children were university age. Lots of moans about deserting them, making them homeless, leaving them high and dry etc. I did worry our relationship with them might be destroyed, but I always kept the channels of communication open (and that was in the days before WhatsApp or video calls). I count my lucky stars 20 years later that we all now live in the same county, one even moved from London during the pandemic to be nearer to us after we bailed out of the capital leaving her once again without our support. I never ever hear any accusations of spoiling their lives.
Try not to feel guilty, but I do understand how you must miss them. Have a bit of a cry and beat yourself up for 10 minutes, then be grateful for things as they are.

I am incredibly grateful for your responses...thank you! I managed to get myself under a very dark cloud, I think the pandemic and Brexit has taken it's toll as so unexpected but impactful. I'm lucky that my grown children supported this journey, they do remind me often that their home is wherever I am which is true, though they're happy in their own lives. Hopefully 2022 will feel brighter for everyone.

Mostly it's OK JAM we keep in touch with WhatsApp etc. I can see an end hopefully to the pandemic issues but the Brexit ones remain a problem. We didn't keep a property in UK so returning will be difficult.
I console myself with the thought that I gave them the best start I could and they are all happy, working, good members of society.

I really feel for you JAM49. Neither of our children live near us, although we are all in the UK, and I often envy local friends whose children live down the road or in the next village and they see them all the time. But, really, I am glad both ours have had a wider experience, travelled a lot and generally done their own thing. They are both in touch but we don't see them on a regular, or even very frequent basis. I agree with another poster that Covid has a lot to answer for. Not seeing our friends or going out very much makes us very introspective and that is not a good thing. Hopefully better times are on the way once this current wave has passed over. Keep smiling!

That should be NOT going out very much!

The thing is we all make choices but even before the Pandemic there are never guarantees that your life turns out the way you expect it to. On top of this, no one expected a Pandemic and I think there is now a tendency to overthink things. I find myself doing it about certain life choices too. At the end of the day, your children are ' on loan' to you.

You haven't abandoned them JAM, you are still there for them and parents have just as much right to move away as their children do.

You say your children are independent, as they should be and have happy lives, so be happy with yours. From what you've said in your OP they are happy for you so enjoy the life you have made for yourself.