We need 6-8 pallbearers when we die

I totally agree with you, as does my hubby. I am definitely anti-wooden coffins as I hate the thought of chopping down a tree just to burn it. Neither of us want any form of funeral. We are both going straight to the crematorium and having had our ashes returned, will be scattered in a nearly woodland where they will at least provide some nutrition. Whichever one of us goes first, the other can then enjoy woodland walks in an environment where hopefully the spirit of the other is at rest.

You can include disposal of your ashes as part of a no frills cremation package.

BlueBalou are you using a service like Pure Cremation? (Ive seen it advertised on TV) The only thing I don't like about cremation is getting handed a little box and realising that's all that's left of the person. I suppose death is so final and painful that there isn't a way to take that away.

I’m leaving my body to research but should it not be possible I am going to make arrangements to be quietly cremated and have a request for my ashes to be scattered, no funeral, no fuss. I strongly dislike crematorium services (when the coffin disappears behind the curtain makes me shudder) and I don’t like the idea of burial either!
I prefer to go off alone and my family can have a nice meal somewhere, all together, paid for by me ?

Harmonypuss I agree with you!

Tulpia such a great idea!

Im a bit shocked by this one coffincompany.co.uk/wicker-coffins/wicker-willow-bamboo-stretcher-shroud but perhaps its my ignorance.

If I need a coffin, I'm tempted to buy one of these and store it in my spare room. coffincompany.co.uk/wicker-coffins

Aarrgghh, I hit the button to soon...

when this plan is actually actioned, I will continue to do everything I possibly can for him. As I previously said, I'm his mum, it's my job!
I think everyone should put something similar in place, not necessarily a simple cremation like I have but whatever each individual person wants for their final journey on this earth. I feel its our responsibility to those we leave behind, to show them we still care even though we'll not be here to tell them in person.

@OnwardandUpward

Yes, I didn't read your OP properly at first but now I have, I totally agree.

Following on from the funeral theme though, I know that at the time of my passing, if I hadn't already made my wishes clear, things would get dumped on my son's shoulders (metaphorically speaking of course) at a time when he'll be grieving (I selfishly hope but in the best possible sense). Yes, he has known for quite a while that I want to be cremated but it would still leave him having to make decisions about every other little element of how to deal with my remains at a truly difficult time. I know he wouldn't be the only person ever to have to go through this but why should he?
As his mum, throughout his life so far, I've done everything I possibly could to give him the best, make life as simple as possible, to be there for him when he's upset, but I won't be able to help him when he's upset about my passing, so in keeping with what I've always done for him, I've made sure that this one horrible job has already been dealt with to save him any extra stress. He will have to notify the company I've paid to handle this, that I've passed, but they will do everything right through to returning my ashes to him, at which point, he already knows what I'd like him to do with them.
I see this as my final responsibility to him. Now, I know I've already arranged this but between now and when this plan is actually actioned, i

That's interesting Harmonypuss. I also intensely dislike the idea of my relatives having to carry my (deadweight) body. It was said at a recent funeral when the sons carried their mother, that she had carried them and now it was their turn to carry her- but it felt SO BAD. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm sure they DID carry her in many ways when she was alive, but to be made to do that is awful- it's always the boys or men who have to do it as well, so pretty sexist. Plus they are the ones who are least likely to feel socially acceptable about crying so double torture. The box disappearing behind a curtain thing is also awful.
I haven't made plans so if I go before I have, it will be up to my nearest and dearest to do as they wish.

My post was really about people being there for you when you are alive , but there are considerations. You're right, there don't actually have to be pallbearers. Funerals should be more kind for those left behind to actually allow them to grieve in a more real way.

I'm 53 and know that I won't need any pall bearers because I'm not having a funeral.
There are only 2 or 3 people who would attend and 2 of those are older than me so it's debatable as to whether they'll outlive me or even still be in my life by then, so I've already planned and paid for a simple cremation with my ashes to be given to my son.
Yes, I could live another 40yrs (although I doubt it with my health) and I could meet more people who might be amenable to attending a funeral but I'd rather people remembered me as me, not a box disappearing behind a curtain and someone who knows nothing about me trying to tell those who do, what a wonderful person (or not) I was.
No thanks, not for me.

YES that's what I meant CraftyGranny

I mean, carrying a coffin as a pallbearer is just show (and fake) if you weren't actually there for that person in life.

Anyone can say nice things after someone has died, but were they really there when it mattered?

ABSOLUTELY CraftyGranny

My Mum used to say It is not how you treat people when they have died but when they are alive that matters.

PS Of course we want to support the bereaved, and they need it.

Yes what I meant was, it's good if people think of doing nice things for others while they are still here. Like, just a smile or hello can make a difference and supportive friends means a lot. Choosing to be around people who are uplifting rather than those who have the opposite effect is another good one.

I've heard people say is "give me flowers while I'm alive to enjoy them".

What if we had that support now? To have 6-8 people who are kind and positive lifting us up?

Read the post - instead of jumping to conclusions from the thread title.

I read the thread opener in the same way as Maw. Meaning when we die pall bearers lift us and carry us through. During our lifetime it is good to have people alongside us who lift us and carry us through.
People who make us feel loved, people who reach out and befriend us, people who make us laugh. These are our pall bearers through life, lifting our spirits and easing our path.

MayBeMaw

Actually the threads original post didn’t.

Is there another event that requires pall bearers?

Actually the threads original post didn’t.

MayBeMaw

Have I missed something?
I understood OP to be making a comment about help and support while we are alive to be more worthwhile than the number of pall bearers at a funeral.
Wasn’t it an analogy? (or do I mean metaphor?)
Instead we get all sorts of posts about funerals, funeral practices and preferences.
I see from some other posts that I am not alone in this, but how dispiriting for OP for her point to be missed by so many.

Perhaps best then not to start a post by mentioning funerals.

What if we had that support now? To have 6-8 people who are kind and positive lifting us up?
Now we have to try to support the bereaved, sometimes all they want is to talk to someone.

Not just the bereaved, of course, others may need our help or even just a smile can brighten someone's day.

Have I missed something?
I understood OP to be making a comment about help and support while we are alive to be more worthwhile than the number of pall bearers at a funeral.
Wasn’t it an analogy? (or do I mean metaphor?)
Instead we get all sorts of posts about funerals, funeral practices and preferences.
I see from some other posts that I am not alone in this, but how dispiriting for OP for her point to be missed by so many.

ChrisK

I have been to many funerals over the years and have found there's a north/south divide these days, in the north they use a trolley usually, except for my dad who died in October 2019 aged 101 who was carried in by pall bearers who were family members, while in the south it is still pall bearers from the funeral directors!

Well I'm up North and never seen a trolley used and I've been to quite a few funerals.

trisher

My DSs were pall bearers for both my mum and dad. I was very proud of them. One did it for his friend's mum as well. The two of them and 4funeral staff. When they were planning the funeral my DS noticed they only asked his friend and not the friend's sisters if he wanted to do it. Is pall bearing one of the last bastions of sexism?

someone has mentioned height but a lot of women in younger generations are as tall as men now, in my family at least

I have been to many funerals over the years and have found there's a north/south divide these days, in the north they use a trolley usually, except for my dad who died in October 2019 aged 101 who was carried in by pall bearers who were family members, while in the south it is still pall bearers from the funeral directors!