Children not invited to Wedding

My nephew had his wedding in a huge RC church. During the service several people, off the street, including one family with a crying baby toured the church! It was certainly memorable.

Our own tiny wedding was supposed to be adults only but someone brought their kids. I was annoyed on behalf of all the friends and cousins I would have loved to have been able to bring their DC but we just couldn't afford it.

Weddings are a minefield. Who'd have them!

I think when people say 'invited / not invited to a wedding' they really mean the meal & 'do'.
In England, the actual legal wedding does have to be open to the public so that anyone can object. I think the tradition of the whole community turning up at the church every Saturday has now largely died out - but I do remember going along myself to see people I knew getting married, and how lovely it was to see neighbours and old school friends waving at my wedding.

I think it still occasionally happens, usually when someone well known in community gets married. A local class turned out this summer to sing to their teacher as she walked into the church - just organised informally by the parents as a surprise to a popular teacher.

Maybe it's just in Ireland, but very few people here would bat an eyelid if their children weren't invited to a wedding, unless it was their aunt or uncle they were quite close to.

Someone saying 'if the children aren't invited we're not going' would get a reaction.

trisher, the children provide the entertainment. It must be pretty dull without them. Long speeches are a bore, too.

I prefer the relaxed, informal affairs with buffet meals - rather than a sit-down one where there's nothing I can eat (allergy-ridden vegan). We always take a big picnic with us!

I find it very odd that the ‘happy couples’ change their views on welcoming children when they become parents themselves.
We come from a family where the family is valued over friends so we hadn’t come across this attitude until fairly recently.
As the wedding was a long way from where many of both sides of the family lived and it was on a Friday many close family members couldn’t go.
We all agreed that the the bride could invite whoever she liked but it was sad.

Having helped to organise weddings for our 4 AC I can understand why children would need to be excluded from invitations. The size of the venue and the cost need to be considered. At each wedding children in the family were invited and small babies were also included. As so many guests have children, maybe 2 or more, there would be so many who probably wouldn’t enjoy the day and no space for other adults.

?

Baggs

My Catholic parents used to maintain that wedding and funeral services held in churches (and possibly register offices in the case of weddings and crematorium facilities for funerals) are public events so anyone can attend. Invitations, therefore, were to the wedding reception/breakfast or the funeral wake.

Baggs I think that still applied in C of E churches when I got married. There was a group of ladies who turned up at most of the church events-very useful they were as well as they knew all the hymns and sang loudly.

Weddings here used to be family "dos" as well. We had some great photos of the children at our wedding, one child sulking because someone had sat on "her" GDs knee. one child bending to pick a flower exposing frilly pants. Great for embarrassing cousins!

My Catholic parents used to maintain that wedding and funeral services held in churches (and possibly register offices in the case of weddings and crematorium facilities for funerals) are public events so anyone can attend. Invitations, therefore, were to the wedding reception/breakfast or the funeral wake.

When my parents were married in 1938 it was adults only. The reason was that although she and my father had no nieces or nephews, they both had numerous cousins with children, and it was impossible to accommodate everybody, as they already had a such a large number on their guest list. The only disappointment in the family was that she only had adult bridesmaids because she thought it better that she should not show favouritism.

I've no idea what the protocol is today. We didn't have children at our wedding, put off by a family wedding when the children were running around the church, and making so much noise, you could barely hear the vows being exchanged.

The majority of them being family, would have come to ours.

I think the cost is another consideration, especially if the reception includes a formal sit down meal.

That made me laugh MissA and as Chewbacca's posted, "another reason not to include them".

Newquay

I’ve had a lot to do with France-the weddings are lovely big family occasions-community involved and certainly not the expensive sort here. In village halls and everyone “mucking in”.
Fabulous almost chaotic events-very happy, children of all ages everywhere and well behaved too

Agree with you. The ones I have been to had ages ranging from 1 week to 90 years and were wonderfull affairs.
Children were always welcome and treated as welcome

It’s up to the couple who they invite, but it’s also up to the guests, whether they accept going without someone else.

To be honest, we saw it as a brilliant get out clause. Our niece was getting married, we and all our children were asked, but not the grandchildren, unless they were babies. It was too far away, and other sets of grandparents weren’t close either.

We didn’t go.

Having young children was a brilliant excuse not to attend a wedding. I would be irritated if people took that excuse away

Newquay

I’ve had a lot to do with France-the weddings are lovely big family occasions-community involved and certainly not the expensive sort here. In village halls and everyone “mucking in”.
Fabulous almost chaotic events-very happy, children of all ages everywhere and well behaved too

My dd had her big wedding do in France, only because we were lucky enough to have a lovely big venue belonging to a relative of dh, to use for free. There were a lot of children present.

The (French) photographer said it was the best wedding he’d ever done - French ones were a lot more formal!

Dd’s cousin had also married there the previous year. The Mayor of the small village said could we please have a wedding there every year since it brought so much business to the area!

IMO inviting children - or not - is usually down to finances. Children beyond the baby stage will need a meal and a place at the table, which will whack up costs considerably if there are more than a few. Not everybody by any means is going to have access to a big enough, affordable venue where they can invite as many as they like.

I had a no children wedding. Caused a bit of kerfuffle initially but then everyone agreed it was a great occasion and the parents who attended - can't remember any refusals - had a real carefree and fun time. (Me too!!!).

I’ve had a lot to do with France-the weddings are lovely big family occasions-community involved and certainly not the expensive sort here. In village halls and everyone “mucking in”.
Fabulous almost chaotic events-very happy, children of all ages everywhere and well behaved too

I never understand why so many people, bridal party and guests, get so worked up over this topic. I see it all the time.

If you don't want to have children at your wedding, be very clear. But then you can't be upset that people wont come. If it matters that much, you can provide childcare.

If you have children and childcare is not provided, stay home and send your best.

I had children at my wedding and loved it. But I did not have a formal sit down dinner. Much more casual and relaxed. Children added to the atmosphere.

Then, a really weird family one - where I was invited along with my ex (not current) partner, to the wedding and reception, while my adult children were invited to the evening do. It was quite a distance away.

I said I'd come to the wedding, minus ex, not the reception - as I'd get a lift with my children - and we'd go out for a meal together - then they could take me to the station. I was told that wouldn't work - as I'd be babysitting the grandkids in the evening! I said that no, I wasn't babysitting! It's just not on to decide what your guests are doing.

Just once, we were invited without our kids. OH was very annoyed and said 'That's it then - we're not going' - so we declined.

cheeky buggers!

Chewbacca

^That is for people who become indignant and annoyed when people can not attend their^ weddings.

Do people do that? Why?

We got a birthday card with a note at the bottom:

PS: I wish you would come to my WEDDING!!!!!

Chewbacca

I can see your point CafeAuLait, breast fed babies wouldn't be any financial cost at a wedding and it sounds as though the wedding that you were invited to just didn't want any children there at all; their wedding : their choice.

Totally agree, it's their choice. I was surprised as it was the first child free wedding I'd ever encountered. It was a new concept to me. Once it was clear the baby wasn't going to be allowed to come (I was happy to leave the older children) I didn't really have any other decision to make than not to go. Given it was a sibling relationship, the other side were upset and the relationship was never the same. I'd have felt obligated to go if I could have brought the baby, but it was a bit of a relief not to have to travel that long and far with such a new baby really.

Well! Fancy that!

Chewbacca

^That is for people who become indignant and annoyed when people can not attend their^ weddings.

Do people do that? Why?

Yes! Especially if it's family and every available babysitter is at the wedding :D

It can cause real family divides that actually become prolonged fractions.

But then the same happens in reverse when Children are not invited and the parents get entitled.

It's a wonder anyone has a wedding