How to start a new life in my late 60's?

There’s a support thread her on gransnet Flower 21

Friendship Advice and support you’d be very welcome to post there.

Thank you Kim19 for your words of hope and encouragement.

You have to lick your wounds and try to rise above the hurt. No, don't think that will be easy but it is doable and you are worth more than life is currently offering you. Gently does it but - just do it.

Thank you so much for your help and suggestions. My house is not big enough for letting a room to anyone though and I am not actually bored in my life at all. I walk with a friend and will join a walking group in the Spring. Volunteering sounds like a good idea as I will be able to help others and meet people at the same time, so thank you for that suggestion. It's the emotional pain I find very hard to cope with. When the phone never rings even when family knows you are going through the loss of a loved one as I am at the moment, when the words 'How are you?' never come or 'Is there anything I can do?', when birthdays and Christmases are spent alone, to mention but a few things (and I don't mean during Covid). How does one cope with that when life is bleak and doesn't appear worth living? Moving house is just a detail really.

Yes, I opened out my 'new' world by attending some further education classes where I found some people of like minds. Still meet weekly with some of these eight years later. Also found some by joining a club, others by volunteering and some from a local church. Such a mixed bunch but they enhance my life in a beautiful and very unexpected way. May you find yours too.

I’d agree to stay where you are and look at ways of meeting news friends. Volunteering is a great way to fill your time and you can try a few til you get what suits you. Also walking clubs if your health allows and books clubs. Do you sing? . Music lifts the heart something along these lines might help.

It won’t be easy but if you fill the days with ‘news ways’ it’ll help to ease the feeling of loss.

I do understand missing family members. It’s very hard.

Completely agree with snowberryZ here. I had to start my life again in my late 60s (different reason). I joined a choir, two book clubs, a poetry group, took singing lessons, and did voluntary work.
And Pepper59's suggestion of a student lodger is brilliant. My late MiL did this. As it's through the university there aren't the usual risks of letting a room, and you can get as involved with them, or not, as you want to.

My mother is estranged from my sibling.
After years of revolving her life round ''family' she was advised (by me) to fill her life with hobbies and volunteering. These pursuits have led to new friends, friends who are as close as family and she has been on some fantastic holidays!
If anything she has led a fuller and richer life than a lot of her friends, who are often tied down and used as unpaid childcare.
Is it possible you could do similar?
Stay where you are but really push yourself to try new things?
Happiness doesn't have to depend on family.

If you are on a tight income, would you consider renting a room to a student? I had a family member did this in conjuction with a local university. There may be information on this on a university/college website.

My advice would be not to move.

You have a house that you own, and apart from that only a small fixed income. That does not, forgive me, sound like a safe financial background for selling your present home and buying something else.

So how about trying to widen your circle of friends and acquaintances where you are?

Have you considered joining a group that goes walking or cycling together, if your health permits this, joining a book club, taking up some form of voluntary work?

You didn't mention any of these activities, but perhaps you have already engaged in some of them.

If you like dogs, a small or medium sized dog will not need more exercise than is possible and benifical for people our age to supply. A dog supplies companionship and will often make it easier to talk to others when you are out walking, as dog owners tend to be only too happy to pass the time of day with other dog owners.

I would start by looking into where I could meet like-minded people of more or less my own age.

You have made a brave decision to start a new life, and I hope it will be possible and help you to not miss your family so much.

And they’re difficult to sell if you need to relocate for any reason. I spend a lot of time in another part of the country far away from my family ( which is why I don’t move there permanently) and have realised I have far more friends there even if they are mainly people that I meet on a regular basis when I’m walking the dog. In fact having a dog is far and away the best way to meet new people. I’m also in a bird watching group there that meets up once a month. And a lot of people that I regard as friends are people I’ve met on the internet over the years because we have shared interests. I, too had to start again after a painful divorce as most of our friends were friends I’d known through my husband and his family were my only family. It’s not easy.

Please be aware that some retirement apartments usually have a service charge attached. There are some near us and the service charge is around £250 per month.

Sad situation ?
Someone on another thread mentioned that it costs about £20000 to move - EA fees, Legal fees, Moving costs, may need new furniture etc etc. So think seriously about it. But if by remaining where you are, causes you heartache, then, it’s best to move away from the situation. Good luck !

Renting your home to finance a rental elsewhere could be a nightmare. Worst case scenario: If you get awful tenants who could wreck yr home, go into rent arrears & refuse to move out you’ll have extra stress & legal costs.
Alternatively you could get lovely tenants who treat your home well but it’s a massive chance apart from all the legislation which quite rightly landlords have to abide by. On the surface it might seem a good idea but be very cautious & do your research.
Meanwhile maybe just moving to another place an hour or so away might help? Explore some “local” towns by bus or day trips & see what you think before you take the plunge.
Why not take a holiday (coach tour type) to see a fresh place. Sometimes just getting away can be refreshing & help get perspective.
I wish you lots of luck & hope whatever the future holds, you gain peace of mind.

That's a good idea, and it won't eat into the capital you have in your house, so you will always have that to fall back on if you change your mind and decide to move back to the area you're in now.

great suggestion from Gagajo, that way you don't commit yourself until you are certain the area is correct for you. Try before you buy! There are often retirement apartments for rent too, if that was something you were considering

Not sure about the whole situation, but if you own your own home, to avoid selling / buying costs, could you rent your house out and move into rented in another area? The rental income on your house would hopefully cover your rent. You might have a bit more flexibility in where you move to if you rent.