Helicopter parents!

My DD and her husband and their younger daughter are in York at the moment, coming back down south in the next couple of days. I'm going ask her to let me know when they get home, I don't normally, but 100 mile winds make a difference!

Not normally, but this week I have been anxious about my daughter and her teenage children fell walking in the Lake District, in the fog, wind and snow on the hill tops. I also urged them to travel home a daily early.

When my youngest got a holiday job in a town about fifteen miles away, it coincided with her being a very new driver.
I told her to text me the minute she arrived safely, of course she didn’t, and she had turned off her phone.
We were at work, so I made my husband drive to her place of work, and drive up and down the streets till he found her car.
Obviously I’m not as bad now, but admit I’ll be a bit anxious about them all out driving in tomorrows storm.

I think my children have become more sensible than me. They could be termed as helicopter, adult children, always offering advice and fussing. My SIL is the worst!
However, I do know it's because they care.

As I said to my 15 year old DG, your kids are your kids no matter how old they are, but, you don’t interfere in their adult lives, unless of course they ask and need your advice.

You brought your children up (presumably) to become independent adults, capable of making their own decisions and running their own lives.

Of course, remain interested in them - but also trust them to make sensible choices. They are adults - they can vote, buy houses, change jobs, take medical advice, etc etc. Try and treat them as such.

It depends on what your adult children think OP - are they pushing back about your behaviour? My dad is someone who I adore, but he is what I call a “fixer” so I don’t tell him about certain things because he will automatically want to take over and “fix” whatever is annoying or upsetting me. I find it irritating, so I choose what to tell him. That said some of his little overbearing habits now just make me laugh. I still have to text when I get home from visiting him or if I’ve driven any distance so he “knows I’m home safe”. And I know that’s because he worries and he loves me, so even as a grown woman I do indulge him with this because I know it’s coming from a place of love. So I go back to - it depends on how your adult children feel about how you act - but be prepared to never be fully in the loop (like my dad) if it gets too much!

I've heard of HPs but not sure what they are. Suggests to me you are hovering around and probably interfering. Not good. Would you have liked your parents or in-laws to do that to you? Do you think the children in question are incompetent or just that you know better? Still not good. However, luckily you have become aware of your shortcoming (well done!) and I was always taught that recognising a fault was halfway to curing it. I certainly hope so. Good luck.

Dinahmo

I thought that helicopter parents referred to parents of younger children.
Perhaps I'm wrong.

Yes I thought that too.

I thought that helicopter parents referred to parents of younger children.
Perhaps I'm wrong.

Doodledog

But does he ring your manager to ask them to let him know that you've arrived safely? ?

?? made me laugh Doodledog

Imagine your mum doing this with you. When you were your kids age.

If you are not perturbed by that scenario then maybe your kids aren’t?

They are probably used to you!

Have they complained?

But does he ring your manager to ask them to let him know that you've arrived safely? ?

I am in my fifties my dad who is approaching 80 regularly rings me with a 'frost warning' before I go to work .

I think helicopter parents are always hovering and looking for problems that may not exist, then stepping in to 'solve' them.

It's not the same as being involved in their lives, so if that's all you're doing, it sounds ok to me. Your children are the ones to ask though.

It depends what you do. I’m frequently in contact with my adult children and I offer help if needed. Otherwise our conversations are about GC, holidays and mundane things.
What do you do that’s worrying you? Are they complaining about you?

Well I suppose recognising this is a start Jen. Does it upset your AC? Have they said they see you as interfering? If so you'll need to try and step back, if it doesn't worry them, then don't let it worry you.

back off and rest your rotors.
else you may be confined to the hangar.