Helicopter parents!

I love the term 'Helicopter parents'. Now my son tells me he and his wife are 'sandwich fillings' as they worry about their DC and DPs.

Do you do that, or get your children to Jdotj?

'3 rings' ......

I dont really mind that Germanshepardsmum. I get enjoyment, if thats the correct word for it, out of reading the replies.
I dont talk to anyone bar my husband most days, so it helps me feel connected to others.

Despite being asked, OP hasn't given any indication of her level of involvement with her adult children so advice is meaningless. Another one who writes a post and sits back watching?

I worked with a helicopter parent, newly qualified as a teacher, whose first, and only, teaching post was in the school her intelligent and motivated children attended. She was the bane of the Primary department, constantly criticising their teaching and demanding work was remarked after she had 'checked it over'. Standardised tests were a nightmare.

The children had to be top in everything to satisfy their mother; eventually she beggared herself sending them to a mediocre private school instead of the local grammar schools both wanted to attend, because state education wasn't good enough. Both achieved their mother's ambition in choice of career, but now in their thirties one has moved far away and is considering a change of career and one is estranged because she cannot stop trying to dictate their careers, relationships and now child-rearing.

The tragedy is everything she did was for the benefit of her children, but she regarded them as an extension of herself, not independent personalities and they finally rebelled.

Deedaa It means peace of mind to them, and if you do not ring, it suggests that there could have been a problem and that they should try to ring you. It may just be a car breakdown, or hold up on the road but it could mean you have had an accident.

I can remember the worry my grandparents felt at a time before mobile phones when there was a major fatal rush hour rail accident on the line that brought their daughter home from work each day. They did not know whether she had been on the train or what had happened. She was due home at 6.00, she finally arrived home at midnight, she had been on the train following the one involved in the crash, held on the train for hours until they could back it up to the previous station and let the passengers off and then had to walk many miles home as all telephone boxes had huge queues and buses were full.

Both my mother an my mother in law expected a phone call to say we were home safe. I don't know what they thought they would be able to do if we weren't.

I don't think it's the same thing Mollygo. Asking how you can help your child improve is natural. I have done it myself. Telling the teacher that their marking is incorrect and they know better (as a non teacher) is something else.

I might have been a helicopter parent after reading Grandmabatty’s post. One parents’ evening I asked the teacher what DD needed to do to improve her marks as DD wondered what she was doing wrong. Evidently just asking was enough. Her marks improved from them on.

I experienced helicopter parents when I was a teacher. They were the ones who knew better than me what the grade of their child should be. I marked higher English papers for sqa but they knew better. They would insist on extended deadlines for work their child hadn't handed in. They would excuse failure to do course work. They were and are the bane of a teacher's work.

OP hasn’t responded to requests about how she considers she interferes. Unless she does it’s impossible to venture an opinion.

?? not up a ladder I hope!

Honestly hes just been over to have a look at the roof I have just had repaired 'well it will do I suppose' .

Galaxy

I am in my fifties my dad who is approaching 80 regularly rings me with a 'frost warning' before I go to work .

Your relationship with your Dad sounds lovely Galaxy

I am involved with my family but I wouldn’t call it helicopter involvement. We share the same hobbies, we help each other when needed or asked, that’s what families do

Helicopter parents are over involved with their children sorting out any little problems that their children are more than capable of. I always think that it often applied to children who are at university etc, although I suppose it could apply to any older child.

Dinahmo

I thought that helicopter parents referred to parents of younger children.
Perhaps I'm wrong.

Me too, I thought it was the sort of parents who are always "hovering" over their school age children, the ones who constantly check the corriculum and pester the teachers to discuss their child's progress, who send their offspring to endless out of school clubs and stay behind to see how they are doing, to complain if their little darling isn't given the starring role in the school play or picked for the first team in sport,
After reading this thread it seems some parents just can't help "hovering" no matter how old the offspring.

bugbabe
Understand totally where your coming from. My mum is exactly the same and always has been. And the worst thing is she’s the same with my AC drives us all crazy.
For this reason I never ask my AC to phone when they get there or phone at all to be honest,only want them to call when they want to not out of duty .

Nvella

Didn’t the name start being used by university staff to describe undergraduates whose parents accompanied them to open days and got involved in their university work?

I don't know if it started there, but I worked in a university and we definitely used the term to describe those parents. They would ask all the questions at Open Days whilst their offspring looked on. Sometimes they would ring up to ask staff to keep an eye on them, or let them know if their children's grades dropped. Obviously we couldn't get into conversation about the students, as they were all over 18 and data protection wouldn't let us - even if I was worried about a student I couldn't discuss them with a parent, and on the whole that is for the best.

One mum stayed with her daughter for Freshers' Week to make sure that she was in with the right crowd, and the same year a dad sent me a copy of an essay his daughter had written, cross-referenced to the grade criteria with matching highlighter pens, and saying that her mark should have been higher (it shouldn't). Several would call me when the results came out to find out what the student had got, when there was a clear protocol for releasing the grades, which didn't involve the parents of adults. Some would insist that their children call them every time they got an essay mark, and the students were often worried about telling them if they didn't get a First for every piece of work.

I completely understand parents caring about their children well past adulthood (in fact for the rest of their lives), but that sort of pressure and refusal to let them stand on their own feet is not a good thing, IMO, and it certainly doesn't prepare the students for adult life.

Nvella

Didn’t the name start being used by university staff to describe undergraduates whose parents accompanied them to open days and got involved in their university work?

About 15yrs ago our son when he started Uni told us he didn't want us to be HP's. That was the first time I heard that expression.
Needless to say he was the one who did most of the contacting.

Half of our family will text to say they got home safely, the other half are highly affronted if you suggest that they should do so. They seem to take it as an insult in their ability to drive. My daughter used to be like that but she is getting better about this sort of thing especially on days like today.
I am probably a bit of helicopter parent with my youngest but my older children have the benefit of more life experience, partners who care for them and are wearing their big people's pants. However, when my son either signals that I am irritating him or I think he's had enough of life's rich experiences, I will back off gladly.
All of them know where we are if they need us.

Monica DD rang us about 5 times during the day because it was quite clear, although she didn't put it that way, that she was worrying about us having to travel in the bad weather.

How lovely that she cares ...and the worry is understandable too given her history. And how lucky she is to have parents who understand!

An acquaintance was complaining to me not long ago that she was fed up with her DD ringing to check she was home safely. I said it was better that than if she was being ignored, and at least her DD cared enough to bother! She hasn't complained since!

We travelled back to the UK from France yesterday - by ferry - We got the sweet spot between the two storms.

DD rang us about 5 times during the day because it was quite clear, although she didn't put it that way, that she was worrying about us having to travel in the bad weather.

We indulged her because 10 years ago she was seriously injured in a road accident that has left her with a disability, and the wind played a part in it, although she was completely exonerated from any blame for the event.

So, we discussed the journey with her, assured her I had seasickness tablets, assured her that the car was packed safely, that DH would drive carefully etc etc and we texted her when we got home.

I think the best cure for helicopter parenting AC is to develop new interests, a hobby, learna langiage etc etc so thatyou have something else to do and think about

My DM was always telling me to phone to let her know I'd arrived home safely after a visit (no mobile phone). Then on one occasion I got stuck on the M4 for a couple of hours due to an accident somewhere, and it was well after 11 pm when I got home. I duly phoned home, thinking they would be worrying because they hadn't heard and got no answer. They had gone to bed. After that I told them I wouldn't call, if anything happened to me they would know soon enough because the police would call. Not a lot they can do but worry even if I had an accident.