Is this silly of me?

We're about to sell our old family home following the death of our mother last Summer. My parents bought the house in the mid 60s and we all grew up there.
I cannot believe someone else will be living here soon. It is so hard to get my head around.
But it will be a different house then because we will have taken our memories with us.

I used to dream I was in my old house but knew that the real owners might just find out I was there . I dreamt this so often in different senarios.

You are probably like me. I know every little plant and every little corner of our pretty large garden. They become part of your soul, so to speak. I know which plant is doing well, I know which plant is suffering. I just dug up an old, old bush that had suffered from the dryness and it was like losing a friend. I am away from home for a few days and worried what will have happened in the heat because down here we have had no rain for a long time.

I have a large bungalow, not a true bungalow as split level, rooms opened up downstairs when AD younger and more space needed. Exceptionally large garden.
Widowed six years ago, I’m not planning to move, not a gardener unlike my husband, I now have a gem of a gardener and although it’s too much even for him, I don’t mind my wild bit at the back (in good company with Prince Charles!) and just close my eyes to anything I don’t want to contemplate.
Like Quentin Crisp, maybe lower your standards. As he said
“Don’t try and keep up with the Jones’s, drag them down to your level”?

We moved half a mile three years ago from our home of 32 years, where our children were brought up. It was from an old cottage to a modern bungalow. I'm not really interested in what has happened since we left, I am more interested in getting this new home and garden how I want it. Our children understood it was time for us to move. Some friends doing the same thing have had problems from their children who wanted them to stay. A friend in the village is over 90, stuck in a large old house when she would have liked to downsize, but her son who lives miles away is very keen she should stay as he is so attached to the house.

Daisymae

BTW I think that your garden is a huge asset and will add thousands to the value of your property.

I agree. People are building sheds in their gardens to work from home or have as man/she sheds etc.

If you watch the tv programmes like Love it or List it, people put extensions on their houses and also create lovely outside patios/living spaces.

I would say a large garden would be a positive rather than a negative.

Personally, I would miss my garden (which isn't very big) more than the house. All of the plants I have planted that are now mature specimens.

I read a book recently - My Life in Houses by Margaret Forster. It was a very interesting read.

I think you have a point vickymeldrew about comments made years ago regarding the size of the garden, gardens are so small now with modern properties. And part of the garden is a veggie plot which a lot of people want these days.

Farzanah - there is a river at the back of the garden and no access at all apart from on foot. But you could easily build another house or bungalow on the plot.

If there’s access why not apply for planning permission to build in your garden? With outline planning that would certainly bump up the price and make your house more saleable if you decided to move.

Just be aware that moving house, especially after so long, is physically as well as emotionally demanding, so best not left until you are too frail. Quite easy for a minor fall or illness to make it all too much, so better to do it while you can be properly in charge.

BTW I think that your garden is a huge asset and will add thousands to the value of your property.

I pay someone to sort the hedges out every year, trees lopped every 3 - 5 years. Keeps it under control at least. If you factor in the cost of moving, then maybe paying for help is actually cost effective? I have no intention of moving.

It would be helpful if you calculated the cost of moving - agent’s fees, stamp duty, Solicitors’s fees, removals etc etc - and then worked out how many hours of a gardner’s time that would give you. You are putting a lot of credence on remarks made 43 years ago. Time has moved on and it sounds as though a developer would love to get their hands on your property !

Thank you all for your replies.

A gardener had come to mind, wow it would really cost me due to the size of the garden but that is always an option.

I had to have the house valued when I got a divorce and the report came through as " Garden must larger than average for a 3 bed semi and will put off future buyers due to the amount of upkeep and maintenance involved" When I bought the property the lady who lived here said they couldn't sell due to the size of the garden (should have been another property on the land and didn't happen) but I loved it and still do. Hey not about to fall off my perch just yet but one does think of the future as the years go on. Last year I made a note of how long it took us to cut all the hedges and fill all the green wheelie bins up with cuttings and it was 32 hours (not all at once I add!)

Not silly at all
I remained in our big family home for over 5 years after being widowed before finally making the decision to sell up and downsize over 400 miles away to be nearer 2 of my daughters. It was such a hard thing to do but once I’d done it I felt so relieved. Four years on I occasionally think ‘what have I done!’ and go into a temporary panic. I miss my old life. I miss the home where we lived for so long & where we brought up our family. The thing is to try not to look back. Easily said but making a new life in a new home be it round the corner from the old one or far away is the way to go.

I have moved several times during my adult life so agree about bricks and mortar. You can take memories with you.

That's sad Farzanah and hard on you and your siblings but couldn't have been predicted. I know people who have died in care homes after a fall, away from their lifelong homes and families.
I am told that when I find the right place to move to, I will know
Meanwhile I am about to let rooms to a couple who are moving in later this week. This will help me to pay a gardener and the council tax!

Why move why not enlist the help of a gardener The cost of o Move would pay for quite a few sessions
My house is way too big for me but I love it it’s in a very convienent location it has big family memories and I will not move until I have no choice

Whenever I have moved house it's been the garden that I've had to tear myself away from each time. Love gardening.

Where I am now the garden isn't massive but there's a lot to see to. I love doing it though and am absolutely fine doing it all at the moment, no health problems at all [I'm 73 next month, and realise how lucky I am to be able to say that]. Can't wait to get into the garden now after the winter.

I've tried to think ahead and looked at so many properties to future-proof myself but nothing has been right. I've decided to stay here, could do with somewhere smaller but there's really only one room which isn't used, it's a bungalow and near all amenities etc. Very convenient, and all on the level. Could live here without depending on the use of a car.

I've looked critically at the garden and there are things I could do to make it all easier to look after if I need to. I'll cross that bridge when I have to. Meanwhile I have so many lovely plants/shrubs/trees [and hedges] in the garden and intend to enjoy them for as long as I can.

If the worst happens I'll get a gardener in once a month or something. All easier than the stress of moving just for the sake of changing things a bit and adapting.

So it's not silly or childish to do what you feel you want/need to. If you love your home and want to stay it could be the best thing for you. We are all different so don't think everyone has to follow the same script. Some people move when older, some don't. Every case is different and we are all complicated individuals with different needs and outlooks on life. It sounds like it would upset you to leave and your peace of mind and good mental health is important. Do what makes you feel content and settled.

My mother, 97 and now bed bound at home with carers, said that she wouldn’t dream of leaving her house and lovely large garden in her late 70s when fit. She has unfortunately become totally dependent in the last few years with the result that her ageing children are saddled with the responsibility of maintaining her garden, plus house with multiple upkeep problems.
I know it’s a difficult decision to leave a family home, but life changes and none of us can foresee the future. My mother became disabled when falling from a stair lift from top top to bottom of stairs.

I totally understand how you feel. I live in the family home I grew up in, which has been in our family for a few generations now. However, it does take a lot of maintaining, and even more so the huge garden. I'm painfully aware that it's probably not that long until it becomes too much for my husband and I, and neither of our children is interested in taking it on.
Logically, I know it would make sense for us to downsize before it all becomes too much, but my heart is finding it very hard to accept that.

I moved after 36 years in one house to be nearer my youngest who was talking about starting a family with his wife.
My husband is a collector (hoarder) so the new house had to be as big as the old to house his collections. I thought I’d find leaving the old house emotional but actually love the new house so felt ok.
We have got a large garden and can fortunately afford a gardener - might that be an option for you mrsgreenfingers?

5 years later and a 4 year old and year old twins I’m a happy granny and so glad I moved.

I was home sick for quite a while after leaving our first house. It was a new build so I felt it was completely my house. Unfortunately we outgrew it with 3 children so had to move.
It is not silly to feel this way about your home.

I should add that I’m one of the bricks and mortar brigade and not sentimentally attached to the house - been here 30 years.

I’ve been in this house for the same number of years Mrsgf and I know I’ll feel just like you when the time comes to move.

I’m the same as Grammaretto and shall stay here for the foreseeable future. I think only not being able to drive will force me to move. The sheer cost of moving will pay for a lot of the increased costs in staying put.