Lack of awareness or arrogance.

Oh I have a cough that I do in circumstances like this, it usually works, if it doesn’t I speak up.

I think the woman OP was describing simply is not aware that she is monopolising conversations and taking up people's time with things that are of no importance to them.

Those who live alone tend to talk far too long to anyone who can be expected to listen.

In my opinion, the receptionist should, when she noticed OP waiting, have said to the woman engrossing her attention, "I am sorry, but there is another patient wating for my attention, so I shall have to ask you to leave now."

This behaviour has nothing to do with a sense of entitlement, whatever that is, I have noticed all sorts of bad behaviour being ascribed to it these days.

Anyone who behaves inconsiderately, should be politely requested to show more consideration for others.

Well done OP for mentioning it to her.

I lost a bloods appointment because of this. I was 5 minutes early, but due to Covid rules couldn't just walk in. There was an elderly gentleman in front of me, and a 50ush chatter in front of him. By the time I got to the desk, they said I was 10 minutes late, so it had been deleted...I explained I was early, but because of the chatter I couldn't register. I was told I should be early, I was, so said OK, I have to be 15 minutes early in case there is a chatterer? No because you're only allowed in 5 minutes prior to appts!!

Dickens

icanhandthemback

The lack of tolerance here is amazing. My mother started to "fiddle with change" when her dementia started to rear its ugly head. She became completely unaware of what was happening around her. Outwardly she looked like a normal person who didn't really look that old but that is exactly why there has had to be a campaign for invisible illnesses. I'm not saying I am without irritation but I give myself a good talking to unless it is an emergency and then I ask nicely if I can be served.

I've had elderly - and not so elderly - people in front of me "fiddle with their change" and I have all the patience in the world for that because there are many reasons why people might not be quite 'with it' at the checkout (or wherever). Apart from dementia, they might have things on their mind and aren't 'collected' enough to focus on the immediate, or they might be ill, or busy and just not thinking properly.

But that's a world apart from those individuals who insist on chatting to all and sundry - anyone who'll listen - about themselves or inconsequential things at the head of a busy queue.

I agree with you Dickens,You can tell the elderly or slightly distressed people who hold things up they usually smile at you and say sorry or something similar. The woman in front of me was at least 20 years younger than me and when she said must Dash I nearly laughed.
None of us have seen many people and I find if I am feeling lonely I go and do a bit of gardening near the front gate. People walking past or walking their dogs usually stop and have a quick natter. I was phoned the other day because I hadn't been seen for a while.
When I worked we had people who always had plenty to say and would try to hog a full meeting. the last head we had was very deft and always asked the people who rarely said anything to speak first and left the vociferous ones till last when it was nearly time to tie up.

Dickens

icanhandthemback

The lack of tolerance here is amazing. My mother started to "fiddle with change" when her dementia started to rear its ugly head. She became completely unaware of what was happening around her. Outwardly she looked like a normal person who didn't really look that old but that is exactly why there has had to be a campaign for invisible illnesses. I'm not saying I am without irritation but I give myself a good talking to unless it is an emergency and then I ask nicely if I can be served.

I've had elderly - and not so elderly - people in front of me "fiddle with their change" and I have all the patience in the world for that because there are many reasons why people might not be quite 'with it' at the checkout (or wherever). Apart from dementia, they might have things on their mind and aren't 'collected' enough to focus on the immediate, or they might be ill, or busy and just not thinking properly.

But that's a world apart from those individuals who insist on chatting to all and sundry - anyone who'll listen - about themselves or inconsequential things at the head of a busy queue.

It is indeed!. I’m sure that most people are tolerant of the man or woman in front of then who are elderly - or whatever - and who are clearly having some problems.

It’s the people who are oblivious to the people behind them queueing and having a chat about what they watched on the telly the night before that we have a problem with, particularly when one is in a hurry. I think all of us can remember a time when we got to the top of the queue only to remember that we’d forgotten the jar of marmite or honey and have had to hold up the person behind for a minute or two whilst someone went to fetch it for us. That has happened to me a few times and I always apologise and have felt embarrassed by it. That is entirely different to the person who chats away completely indifferent to the person who is waiting behind them and who just wants to get her shopping done and get home.

Sago
How polite you were even explaining the second time she held you.
Sadly since being seriously ill in 2010 l no longer have an effective filter. Word’s don’t come out of my mouth with any subtlety and in your situation l wouldn’t have been like you. I thought she was an elderly lady that you were talking about at first but on reading your second post l would have opened the door and quoted the current weather report and asked if the doctor’s surgery had moved.

My sister is one such talker and gets angry if it's pointed out she is holding up a queue. Her answer is always that she has a right to talk to who she wants, it's arrogance.
She's a nightmare to shop with

I have a neighbour like this and she used to hold up the unfortunate postman so that she could talk at him.I am lucky as she hates me so leaves me in peace mostly.

This happens all the time in our village shop, Post Office and Medical Centre as they are all considered to be social meeting places by the villagers. It took a little getting used to when we first moved here. But the patience and friendliness shown by the staff and villagers is heartwarming and definitely preferable to the impatient rudeness often encountered in London. DH sometimes gets irritated by the person in front chatting for too long, but it doesn't really bother me. I remind myself that (especially if they are elderly) they may not have had a conversation with anyone for days, or even weeks.

What does irritate me are shop assistants who continue their own conversations and deliberately ignore me waiting at the counter. It's just rude. If my loud cough and killer glare doesn't work I say very politely "Excuse me, is anybody serving here?" It usually works.

I think after two years of infrequent contact with people we may all need to relearn patience and tolerance again!

Although I live alone I never keep the supermarket cashier chatting if there is a queue behind me. I also have my shopping bags and payment at the ready. I'm never in a hurry, these days, and don't mind being kept waiting by a chatty customer.
However, I do have a knack of choosing items which won't scan, or the lady on the till can't find the number for particular loose fruit or veg that I have chosen, and she has to call over to the next till, or ring for a supervisor. My last 'failure' was a pot plant which had no barcode. She had to get another staff member to dash across the store to bring another one.
It's very embarrassing when there is a long queue waiting, and I always apologise profusely, but it seems to happen to me far too often.

Mummer
How is it a quiet life if you are living with resentment of something that happened?

Quiet life has a different meaning to me - respectful and try to avoid conflict as much as possible, not hiding from it

lizzypopbottle

I just read this morning that the French supermarket, Carrefour, have introduced 'blablabla' tills so lonely people can have a chat with the till operator and others who choose that till. I use the self checkout in supermarkets. I know it probably does someone out of a job but life's too short to wait behind someone telling their life story.

What a brilliant idea!

OP here Thanks for your comments, I’m glad to not be alone in my frustration.
However I should have pointed out the woman was about 50 and I was waiting in the cold whilst this was going on, it was only as she was making her painfully slow departure and holding the door open she said she would be needing to downsize by the time the extension was finished.
I’m thinking she spends hours chatting to the poor builders.

It’s the other way round for me. Each day when I go to buy my newspaper in our local shop, the chap behind the counter ( a very nice young man incidentally) wants to engage me in conversation about his friend who now lives in Ukraine and has just signed up to fight in the war. I’d love to chat as I’m interested to hear about his friend but I’m very aware of the queue behind me waiting to be served so I have to cut him short.

How many commenters here have cut off from older relatives? Who hardly bother with elders? Who spend little time supporting elderly neighbours and wider family? That is someone else's abandoned who you are irritated by. Perhaps it isn't them and their loneliness that is the issue here.

icanhandthemback

The lack of tolerance here is amazing. My mother started to "fiddle with change" when her dementia started to rear its ugly head. She became completely unaware of what was happening around her. Outwardly she looked like a normal person who didn't really look that old but that is exactly why there has had to be a campaign for invisible illnesses. I'm not saying I am without irritation but I give myself a good talking to unless it is an emergency and then I ask nicely if I can be served.

I've had elderly - and not so elderly - people in front of me "fiddle with their change" and I have all the patience in the world for that because there are many reasons why people might not be quite 'with it' at the checkout (or wherever). Apart from dementia, they might have things on their mind and aren't 'collected' enough to focus on the immediate, or they might be ill, or busy and just not thinking properly.

But that's a world apart from those individuals who insist on chatting to all and sundry - anyone who'll listen - about themselves or inconsequential things at the head of a busy queue.

When you manage a public service point you want to keep the line moving so there are techniques for doing so. I used to manage a busy library where you would sometimes get a chatty or clingy reader holding up the line. Often they were just chatting about a book they had read, rather than enquiring about something important or some aspect of the service. It was always at a busy period with people queueing.

I used to cut in an say "Im sorry but there are people waiting. Have you finished? Next please!" In a very brisk tone of voice. And call the next person forward. The person holding up the queue would sometimes look upset or annoyed. One once told me I was very abrupt.

I told her that I was sorry she was upset but I could see people getting angry at being kept waiting. So perhaps she could visit the library at a ltime when staff were not so busy.

I used to be head of a department and having to get shopping in the lunch time, yet also setting an example by not being late back to work. Now I am retired I avoid shopping at that time and on saturdays too. Do go on the local open air market which is a different thing . There I feel I am helping local small business to survive, can buy small special items that you would not get in a supermarket. As I have a bad back and often do not sleep well on the contary I can visit the supermarket at about 6 am. It suits me, quiet time to shop so in and out and job done early, especially holiday time when I will be home before the rush of shoppers. I am suiting myself but also being fair to other shoppers. I have on occasions , when the person is spending such a long time at the checkout, asked quite politely if they intend to be long as my back is painful and I am unable to stand long. I will therefore have to leave the shopping as cannot wait any longer. Usually works, as it is totally true, the staff do not want to have to replace the goods but cannot say well put it all back first and the person talking cannot say anything much and will usually get on with paying

What a coincidence. A friend and I went to a meeting yesterday held by a local charity so see if a social group was welcomed or needed. The meeting was totally wrecked by a self absorbent woman who talked about herself loudly and endlessly. Some people left early and we never did find out what the charity's plans actually were!

A lot of people have been in shielding for over two years now. I leave the house about once a fortnight for a visit to the chemist or a shop. Now you want me to be 20 seconds in the doing of it?

Are people like this unaware or just arrogant?

Mostly unaware I think - and self-absorbed.

They often also completely lack self-awareness, having no idea of how they 'come across' to others.

I don't know what causes it - lack of education (in the wider sense); little self-confidence... no idea.

I think it's a form of mental illness possibly - a personality disorder.

We make excuses when inconvenienced or frustrated by their behaviour so as not to further frustrate ourselves, and to be 'kind'; telling ourselves that they probably don't get out much or are lonely. But the reality is that they probably do get out quite a bit, but are lonely... because people avoid them like the plague and they can't form close relationships.

It's not only frustrating if you have a busy life, even if you don't, it's tediously boring having to listen to someone drone on about themselves and discovering that if you attempt to bring the monologue to a halt with some observation of your own - they simply don't acknowledge what you've said and just patiently wait for you to stop talking before carrying on where they left off.

Maybe the most practical thing would be to sit them down and tell them the truth... "you're lonely because you are completely self-centred and self-absorbed, and you bore the pants off people". But I wouldn't dare to do that, and I don't think many people would either. So they'll go through life blithely unaware of the irritation they cause.

I've worked in retail since leaving school and you do get frustrated with folk who you know are just out for a browse and a chat with anyone. You can't be rude, but can be subtle to get them to move along so you can serve legitimate customers.

lemsip

this annoys me too. another thing is when shopping, I have my purse ready at the checkout and shopping bag ready to load while others have to hunt for their purse at the bottom of the bag......I am seldom in a hurry but it does annoy me.

Not so bad now a lot of people have bus ticket apps on their phones, but it used to aggravate me when they waited until they'd got on the bus then started rummaging for their purses!

The lack of tolerance here is amazing. My mother started to "fiddle with change" when her dementia started to rear its ugly head. She became completely unaware of what was happening around her. Outwardly she looked like a normal person who didn't really look that old but that is exactly why there has had to be a campaign for invisible illnesses. I'm not saying I am without irritation but I give myself a good talking to unless it is an emergency and then I ask nicely if I can be served.

I've just encountered this at a pharmacy in a very busy supermarket, where few masks were being worn. I can tell you when the person in front of me last went to the doctor's and why, also how her family are keeping and her mothers back. The joke was after about 10 minutes chit chat she said "Must dash I'm in a hurry". The assistant just mouthed to me" Sorry".
I have found a way to stop this but not practical with Covid. Moving close like a child would and staring at the nattering person rather than straight ahead. They turn and look at you eventually but you just keep looking. They soon shut up although DH said I looked retarded the last time I did it.