If you are suffering abuse - or you know someone who you believe is being abused

Just thought I'd bump this up.

Good idea Applegran.

I would also say that most Church of England churches have a safeguarding officer and the churchwardens should have been trained in safeguarding. There will be a notice in the church or on the church website telling you who they are. You don't have to be a churchgoer - if you're in need then they are a local contact who can help.

There will be information at other churches and community spaces, too.

As well as asking for "Ani" there is a hand sign - open hand, tuck your thumb along palm and close your 4 fingers round the thumb.

Pubs have been doing something similar for a while and have notices in the ladies toilets.
If someone is on a date and they feel threatened or uncomfortable, they can go to the bar and ask to speak to Angela and the staff will help the person to get away from the situation.

What a wonderful way to help people with a post such as this. How considerate of you Applegran when in an abusive coercive relationship it’s difficult to burden family with it. Outside intervention is really the way forward for troubled individuals.

Thank you to the people who have posted on this thread. I hope it may have helped someone - or still may help. If anyone can add personal experience, or understanding of how hard it can be to escape abuse - that could help someone somewhere.
I didn't know about the hand sign - thank you Elaine1.

Slightly off topic but I am so glad there is so much help available and would encourage anyone in this position to take it. I know it's frightening but at least the help is there.
Years ago there was nothing and no one. I remember as a small child going into a police station with my sister and asking the officer to help us as 'our dad keeps hitting our mom'. He told us to go home, that he couldn't help us.

What a fantastic thread...I work in criminal justice and as part of my role, work with many victims of domestic abuse in ALL forms ie child to parent, same sex relationships, elder abuse, coercive control.
I could spend hours writing about the horrendous cases....
All I would say is that if anyone is a victim please look for help and support now.
It doesn't stop or get better, perpetrators won't change.
Get help and get out / away now and don't look back.

You can ask for either Clive or Angela in a pub. Angela is easy to remember if you think of Angels. I hadn't heard of Ani. The sign is the "trapping" of the thumb - which makes sense too.

OhbKate, that’s awful for you and your sister. Two little girls told to just go home, to what? I hope you and your mother broke away from him.

Unfortunately not until we were grown up and left home Allsorts. My mother did eventually leave him with the help of my older sister. When he found out she was going, he smashed the house up. She had only just got away from him when she died. In her 50s.

re thumb signal:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=oU3jZT3b9Uc

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GfsS4HH2Uw

Good thread One of the reasons I was so sad they dismantled sure start centres was that they were actively tackling domestic violence and offering safe spaces

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VG1SsQP19jo

here's another imaginative cry for help.

My childhood was abusive and I didn't manage to break away for most of my adult life because I thought 2 things:

1, that some of it was normal
2, that I deserved worse treatment than others

I think more needs to be done on educating people on what abuse looks like but I'm so glad that we have come so far and so much support is available

A very helpful post. Thank you Applegran

I was aware of Angela, and the hand signal but didn't know about Ani so well done the staff who took action.

I have also seen posters on the back of the doors at some airports in Ladies toilets about how to get help for abuse, been taken out of the country for forced marriages, FGM and so on.

Good to know these options are out there but sad they are needed.

Its truly sad that we need these things - but women who are abused should have as many ways of escape as possible. To make that real, we have to publicise those ways It's also true that there are some men who suffer abuse - though fewer than women. They too need help - as do older people who can be at the mercy of someone who abuses them. Maybe raising awareness in whatever way we can, will make those of us who are not being abused more alert and more likely to see signs, enabling us to offer information on support available. It takes courage to leave an abuser - you need to know there will be some support when you've left.