Not good at organizing parties...

The secret is to be a good delegator.

Some people are wonderful 'organisers' - and others, like me make good guests. I wouldn't be drawn into organising anything (even for family, let alone friends). I'd hate to have a party arranged, especially a surprise one. I was taken out for a special family meal, much better.

I think her DH has a real cheek 'hinting' for your help - when he should be doing it himself!

My friend arranged her own 70th party, though. She hired a hall, DJ and buffet caterers - then invited everyone she wanted there!

Her DD is very scattery and unorganized, but does make beautiful cakes, so she will indeed be helping!

Well, that's the puddings sorted!

One less thing to worry about.
Get your friend's DH to organise the drinks, give him suggested menu and where to order the food and get him and your DH to take charge of the BBQ itself, the seating etc.

You could do some salads!
Sorted.

Thanks for all the advice. Her DH isn't asking me to take over, just suggested that he needs some help. My friend is on the quiet side so won't want a big fancy splash, so I'm leaning towards suggesting a BBQ which I will help with, may even host it at my house so she won't feel the need to clean up.

Her DD is very scattery and unorganized, but does make beautiful cakes, so she will indeed be helping!

What a lovely friend you are. Yes help her Dh organise something.
Sorry you didn’t get to have your own celebrations make sure you 3 friends DO go out for Dinner to celebrate yours belatedly !

Summerlove

OP, do you even want to organise it?

Id hand the reigns back to him- he who should be organising the party

I agree with this. Who knows better than her husband if your friend would like a big party or he should do.
If she does he should know who she would like to be there.
Point him towards Waitrose or M&S where you can order a buffet for quite large numbers of people and if he asks for help say you would rather be a guest and could their family step in.
I would hate a large party and have even gone out with the family when I suspected one was being planned and just dropped hints well in advance of what we were doing, so all plans could be cancelled.

My family and friends know better than to organise a party for me. My sons arranged a trip to Paris for my 60th birthday, which was terrific. They did consult me first.

I am another one that hates surprise parties! My son organised ones for my 50th - when my pamper session at the local salon took a lot longer than expected, due to the varnish on my toe nails not drying ! It was a week night, so my family only stayed long enough to see me blow ot the candles on my cake , and then they all left!
My 60th at least was at a weekend. I was hoping just to go out for a meal and ended up at my local village hall just family again and I was so grumpy as my son had done it last minute and forgotten most of the food, along with any enetertainment and the hall was freezing cold!
I think your friend's husband is possibly looking for suggestions from you as to what they could do.
The open house is a lovely idea - even better if you could ask the different groups that she belongs to , to help by supplying some of the food throughout the day for a running buffet or a "grazing table" as they call it in Oz, get extra help from those friends to be around to swap and change what is on offer food wise.
Just try to make sure that it doesn't run too late or your friend may wish to see the back of you all before time!
Also suggest to the DH that he arranges for something that just the two of them can do - a break away or just a meal out will be much appreciated I bet!

I would think the way the economy is now, and probably will be for a few years, parties would be the last thing anyone would think about doing. Hopefully, if anything good comes out of this, it will be the end of the ridiculous trend for buying all attendees a gift bag full of goodies. It's all about advertising the fact that the Birthday Boy or Girl's parents are well off.

Please make sure your friend wants the fuss of a birthday partyi. My sister got so stressed about the thought that someone might organise a party for her birthday that she had a heart attack and ended up in hospital on the birthday.

You start by asking your friend whether she wants a celebration.

I would be horrified if anyone planned one for me, as I dislike the very idea. If I want to celebrate an event, I will organize it myself.

If your friend, like me, does quite definately not want a celebration, your task is to find out what she would like her husband to do to show his love and appreciation of her.

She might be happy to go away for a weekend with him, or out for the day on her actual birthday.

But do please consider her wishes.

I think it is unreasonable for the husband to expect you to organise a party. That’s a lot of work and very difficult to do if you do not know a lot of her friends. Surely he could organise it or is he acting the helpless male to offload the work ? If it were me I would just say to the husband that whatever he plans for his wife’s birthday you would be happy to contribute some food towards it if he lets you know what he what.

I think that a BBQ in June sounds wonderful, just have a contingency plan for if it rains, I was thrown a surprise BBQ for my 50th and it was a wonderful surprise, and went on into the small hours with music and drinks and lots of guests, I loved every minute of it! My 60th was during lockdown so unfortunately we couldn’t do much.

You're very kind CanadianGran - but I do think her DH and DD should be doing the organising, perhaps with some suggestions and input from you.

Thanks for all the good ideas. She has been my friend for a long time, we usually celebrate our birthdays with a dinner out with another friend. The three of us chat for hours over dinner, and really enjoy it.

I was the first to turn 60 last year, and I said I didn't want a fuss, plus there were dining out restrictions in place. My family organized a small get together, so essentially two celebrations.

But because her DH has reached out, I do feel I should help him with a bit of a bigger do (and I'm sure he will foot the bill). Our group doesn't usually go over the top, so a BBQ or pub evening should do it. I'll get my thinking cap on, and make sure to involver her daughter as well.

?

OP, do you even want to organise it?

Id hand the reigns back to him- he who should be organising the party

PECS

Why not have an " Noon to Nine At Home" day? You can stagger invites for different groups? I have done this this. Invites can state x will be 'At home' celebrating her birthday & would love to see you anytime between x & y o'clock for drinks & nibbles! '. If each group of pals is invited for a couple of hours then there is time to talk. My family turned up whenever & helped out! Offer glasses of bubbly or non alcoholic alternative and simple canapés, crispy / nut type nibbles to keep it simple. Of course there may be overlap but that doesn't matter. A friend who also did similar ordered in pizza for the evening guests!

Oh my goodness- what a long day. Id need two naps in the middle

I went away with Mr Stardust on my 60th, for a few days on the coast, in our favourite hotel. Far away from anyone who dared to make a fuss! I just wanted a normal day. Please try to find out if a celebration would be welcome!
If you feel you have to do something, how about organising a group/family visit to a local escape room. They seem very popular at the moment. There's a Dr Who one in Leeds I'm keen to visit!

Would she enjoy a spa weekend with a small group of friends, no more than 4 or just the two of you.

As she has different groups of friends you firstly need to know if the other groups are doing something.

I would keep it small and simple, afternoon tea with your group and not include the other groups.

Ohhh heck, if your friend doesnt like being the centre of attention, then a 'party' is off the radar, but you say she so deserves recognition, yes, then as others have suggested, a lovely afternoon tea, somehow get the name of 1 member of each group and ask them to spread the word to the others in their particular group. You can do this easily if your friend is on FB ( and ofcourse the others are too )

A lovely afternoon tea sounds ideal, everyone together for a special friend and yes as someone said, if your friend has AC, then it needs checking if they are planning anything.

Whatever you do, i hope your friend has a ☆☆☆FANTASTIC BIRTHDAY☆☆☆

Urmstongran

When my friend reached 70y she decided against ‘one big party’. Like your friend CanadianGran she is part of a few groups - book club, ramblers, art appreciation group etc. - so she decided to have a lunch with each group once a month. It gave her something to look forward to throughout the year. Her actual birthday was spent with her large family group.

Lovely idea, Urmstongran

Where to start?
I feel a bit overwhelmed.

Now, perhaps I'm being mean but would you ask him to organise a surprise party for your DH?
Why can't he organise a meal out for his wife himself with family/close friends?

Just point him in the right direction.

I had a "surprise" party and I know no one will do it again. I struggled to even be civil I was so fed up. I'm slightly ashamed of myself but can't imagine what they were all thinking! I'd said I didn't want a fuss making.