Have you been taken for a fool !

I've found to be true, that trust issues I had started with me!

I had an extremely difficult life starting, in childhood. My childhood was messed up big-time! I grew searching for answers I didn't know I was looking for.

My late father was a violent man and I was surrounded by secrets and lies. My childhood looked very nice on the surface. Professional middle class like so many.

It was professional middle class. Truth is my life story is liked an historical novel over a few generations. Think Victoria Holte and Kathleen Cookson. Its called "Family Secrets-What you don't know can hurt You"

So because of all that I didn't know who I was etc. Sounds bonkers! Yup.

As the truth started to unveil as the years went on, I was crazy as none of it made sense.

I finally found my way through a long journey of recovery which include a 12-step program, therapy, family of origin work, CBT and bereavement counseling over the past 20 years

Throughout those years I have learnt why I had no trust in others, is because I had no trust in my own judgements.

I have learnt how to listen to my gut, what to do if I'm unsure, putting boundaries and so on in place.

In other words a different set of healthy tools today I was never given as a child.

Ofcourse people can be people. However how I deal today is different.

I don't put myself in situations I used too which set me up to be hurt and betrayed.

I have ways to deal with things I didn't used to have. I have found for me, that I have learnt how to make better life decisions and how to deal when things go wrong

Do I trust others? I trust myself which I didn't used too, leading to better life decisions so I don't get betrayed like I used to be.

I have learnt how to deal with life better and for that I am grateful, have peace of mind and real friendships today.

There are 5 of us in our crowd including me who we have strong relationships with each other.

I don't go for this word friendship. It's bandied around too much. We know many people on different levels. Real close friendships are few.

The rest are mates, acquaintances, work colleague's and so on

janeainsworth

I think the OP means have you ever played the fool yourself, to make a fool of the person who is trying to fool you.

Yes. Just before Christmas I got a WhatsApp supposedly from DD saying she had a new phone (quite plausible)
Then there was some general how are things etc. again nothing dodgy.
Then a request for me to pay a bill for her (strange & unlikely)
When the sum in question turned out to ve £2K I knew it was a scam.
But I kept pretending I thought it was genuine, asking the messager to call me before I would make the payment.
This went on for a bit & finished up like this

Just like the one I’ve just posted.

Almost, this very day. First thing I received a WhatsApp message saying ‘Mum, can you save this number, I’ve upgraded my phone’ then a few brief messages if harmless chit chat. A few hours later ‘ Mum can you help me, I need to pay a bill and my phone hasn’t updated my accounts yet. I can pay you back on Tuesday. Can I send you the details.
After that I smelled a rat and tried to phone my daughter, just got white noise, followed by another message to hold on, phone still updating. I rang her husband and of course it was one of those phishing scams, but I could have lost over £600..
The thing is I’ve heard about this scam but at the time you do go blank and want to help your child. I just knew she wouldn’t just send a message but would ask me personally in the very unlikely event of wanting a loan.
I like to think I’m quite savvy but I almost fell for this.

Yes, more than once and I was one.

Whenever our landline rings, I just expect it to be a scammer. My mobile displays 'Potential Fraud' sometimes, which is helpful.

GagJo, your attitude is truly vocational. My attitude is the same. The reward is knowing you have done a job well and benefited your students with great lessons and help. Ideally, you (and I) deserve better recognition, but that's not what we do it for, is it? It's for the kids.

hollysteers

I had a freak situation when my neighbour had recommended a roofer and a cowboy turned up out of the blue on that day and when I asked him if he was ? he confirmed it.
What a mess and the tinker got away with the cash.
The bona fide builder was bemused by my complaints.
One has to laugh sometimes.

We had similar-got a builder to do some work laying paving at the front of the house. It didn't last very well, and when we tried to contact them to complain, they'd used another firm's phone number on their letterhead!.

Mmm yes . A friend always asked for help when she was throwing a function , always happy to help with catering and making drinks etc but started to notice the hostess was busy socialising with all her chums while I was stuck in the kitchen and clearing up afterwards . After hearing a passive aggressive comment about how I always took over at her functions I stopped helping and when invited told her I didn't have time . Strangely I don't get invited anymore .
There's only so much foolery I'm prepared to tolerate !

Yes at work many times. once I was put on playground duty for 3 weeks when I moved to a new school, they were going to let me do it until I rumbled them. I had often to take two classes of children when another member called in sick when she tried for the 3rd time we rumbled that she was sleeping over with her boyfriend!!!
By a neighbour who volunteered me for two days of tea/coffee making at a village event when she only did 1 morning herself.
A lot by MIL who would tell me to stop my DH from drinking too much or getting up to mischief. He would blow at me and I realised what she was doing, I finally confronted her and said to do her own controlling.
I am very careful these days and extremely warry.

Unfortnately I dont trust anyone, after becoming a victim of fraud last week.No money, no card, no trust in anyone.I expect it will get better, I want to trust people again.

Several times by people that I thought were friends that basically only wanted me to make up the numbers at social events and then barely spoke to me all evening - didn't know anyone else there.
On hand babysitter/childcare when they returned to work after maternity leave while a place became available in a nursery (wasn't aware of the plan, and changed several things in my own place so I was able to care for their child longterm. They cut off all contact after.
Oh and the one that wanted me as a catering(unpaid ) assistant ! I was asked to help for one occasion and had to say no as it was my brother's 40th birthday on the same date - again, not asked again, contact cut off .
The 3 women concerned are all still friends so have to wonder if there was some plan!

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me - don’t put up with it

Oh how complex makes a fool of the fool who tried to fool you
No I m me, if someone fools me I take it on board and don’t get caught out twice what’s the point in playing games if a fool makes a fool of the fool then we re all fools or tools

I m reasonably savvy but we all get caught out once or twice if in a lifetime if we re a reasonably nice person

I live in a leasehold property and a previous managing agent took us all for fools. They stole tens of thousands of pounds from a fund they should not have accessed while we believed the money was still there. It has soured all our trust in anybody. we now deal with. Its very sad that 'one bad apple' can have the effect it has had!

I don’t trust anyone 100%

People underestimate me because I tolerate a lot of poor behaviour - but when people don’t heed the warning signs and a line is crossed, nothing short of anihilation is going their way

Don’t know who said it “Beware the anger of the patient man”

A friend of mine once started chatting to a "painter and decorator" she bumped into in a DIY store and told him she needed some paintwork doing. He said he'd come and paint her living room and kitchen at a reduced price. (She already had the paint.) He said he always tried to help out elderly people if he could, seemed very nice. He arrived as arranged to do the job but said he always took payment in advance. Foolishly, my friend paid up in cash - not a small amount either! He stayed about half an hour, painted a bit of one wall in a very slapdash manner and then said he had to just nip off to his van for a better brush. She never saw him again. She had no phone number for him and only knew that he'd said his name was John and lived in Manchester. Utter ratbag preying on an 82 year old lady who lived alone. My friend said she knew she'd been a fool. In fact, she fell for a few scams like that because she took people at their word.

I think the OP means have you ever played the fool yourself, to make a fool of the person who is trying to fool you.

Yes. Just before Christmas I got a WhatsApp supposedly from DD saying she had a new phone (quite plausible)
Then there was some general how are things etc. again nothing dodgy.
Then a request for me to pay a bill for her (strange & unlikely)
When the sum in question turned out to ve £2K I knew it was a scam.
But I kept pretending I thought it was genuine, asking the messager to call me before I would make the payment.
This went on for a bit & finished up like this

Serendipity22 so true we once had someone try to fool us just went along with it until the final moment when we pulled the masterstroke. So satisfying. Some people mistake kindness for stupidity.

Trust for others has gradually disappeared over the years. I've got one true friend who would do anything for me who I'd trust with my life. The others just come and go and normally get in touch when they need someone to moan to get something. No more.

Yes. It’s going on right now. How did you stop them please

Not really - trust no-one except yourself.

Yes by my first ex OH. I was young and thought we were in love. Took me a couple of years to realise his romantic interests were not for me or for women. It was a marriage of convenience and 'respectability' as his family wouldn't have tolerated his true sexuality

I don’t trust anyone anymore - very sad ?

GagaJo

The proof is in the pudding.

Yes, often at work. I think because I'm not competitive and really only want to do my work well, to benefit my students, others underestimate me.

I can't be bothered with the 'Look at me!' and self aggrandisement. I'm the first one to moan about my short comings. I think all of that leads to others assuming I'm a bit crap.

The up side is that my students always do really well, which counteracts the otherwise low key effect I have. Unfortunately, in British education, self publication is what is rewarded 99.9% of the time, not great results. But then, that is what we get, from the top (government) down, isn't it?