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Grandparents raising grandkids/after they turn 18/ do you find they turn on you

(10 Posts)
Vbates Thu 28-Apr-22 17:09:35

I've had my granddaughter since she was 18 months old now she is 19 yrs old and I find she had grown cold and distant towards me, she's trying to get her parents love and acceptance but they don't want her. How do I cope with this? It's very painful as I'm the only one who has been there for her all of her life.

wildswan16 Thu 28-Apr-22 17:23:11

Of course she wants to try and reconnect with her parents - that is only natural. At 19 she is trying to do things for herself and if her parents are not responding to her that must be very distressing for her.

You have cared for her up until now - and you will be still be needed in her life, even if at the moment she is confused and upset. Let her know you understand and support her as she tries to know her parents, but also of your fears that she may be hurt, but that you will always be there when she needs you.

All 19 year olds begin to "fly the nest" in different ways. She may well be angry at her parents - and in that frame of mind she is unable to keep a loving relationship with you. She must be so mixed up and disappointed at the moment.

M0nica Thu 28-Apr-22 17:41:00

At 19 many young people are stepping away from childhood and becoming adults, for some this move away includes distancing themselves from family and those who remember or are associated with their childhood.

However this stage is rarely longlasting and within a year or two they turn back towards their family.

There is a quote, variously attributed to Mark Twain, Oscar Wilde and other witty hmourists . It goes:
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.

So your granddaughters behaviour is recognised behaviour for young people of her age. And, yes, I am sure her difficult family circumstances will exacerbate the problem, but she will return, so do not overeact, stay tranquil, as the French say, let her know you are always there for her and then let her be. She will return.

Hithere Thu 28-Apr-22 17:43:13

She is flying the nest plus the circumstances of her childhood.

I am sure she appreciates all you did for her and she loves you

Hithere Thu 28-Apr-22 17:43:57

Plus the circumstances of her childhood also have an impact here

crazyH Thu 28-Apr-22 20:21:40

Teenagers are awkward when it comes to showing their love and appreciation. I am sure she loves you and appreciates all that you have done for her. You have been a devoted grandmother, and I’m sure she knows it.

Vbates Thu 28-Apr-22 20:30:09

Thank you everyone who answered. I really appreciate it..

sodapop Thu 28-Apr-22 20:41:49

It is painful Vbates but it won't last. Your granddaughter is trying to find where she fits in and it will be hard for her if she is rejected. You will need to be there as always to pick up the pieces and get your relationship back on track.
It's a step she needs to take so bear with her and I wish you well for the future.

Nannee49 Fri 29-Apr-22 00:28:30

Best wishes from me too Vbates. You have given your precious girl the best loving foundation in life. She might be taken up with different things at the moment but she'll never forget that it was your love and care which gave her the strength to spread her wings and growflowers

biglouis Fri 29-Apr-22 00:32:40

When I was in my early twenties I was counting the days to get away from the parental home.