What should I do about a long-standing holiday?

The idea of a happy idealised family holiday is often different to the reality, especially if you have to take on most of the work, and agree with others who feel that it will just be too much fir you and your husband. Do something on your own, or not. Whatever suits you.

We had to cancel a couple of holidays when my husband had cancer before we gave up booking them at all. We had one holiday in Italy but that was just the two of us and we stayed with friends so we had support if anything went wrong. I think the time has come to tell your son that you are just not well enough. If your husband is 76 your son surely can't expect these family holidays to go on for ever. It's disappointing but there's no point spending money on something you won't enjoy.

There are specialist holidays for the 'disabled' of all descriptions ....would be great for you and your husband if you could go on one of those...... you need a break ! I am sure you would feel re energised after ! I was only able to go away after my husband died ....cared for him for 5 years with Parkinsons, etc .....so now over 70, I am getting my travelling in whilst I am still able ....no one is promised tomorrow and I have now virtually seen all the places I always wanted to ....don't like hills or steps any longer, but walks with lots of stops are ok ! You can also hire wheelchairs or buggies in most places.....go and enjoy it whilst you can ....and if there is any money left, give it to your son for a holiday that caters for the child's problems ....you can ask around ...good luck

So sorry to hear you are so unwell. If I were you I would cancel the holiday - it is an expensive do if you won’t enjoy it.

Let the family sort themselves out and spend the money on you and him indoors. It sounds like you need lots of TLC and treats. You have done your bit for the family so do what’s right for you. I hope the treatment goes well - it is effective but can knock the stuffing out of you. Take care.

I would certainly go along with those that said that you need to speak to your son and his OH.
Please be honest with them and explain your worries. I am guessing that they have been allowed to be untidy etc while away while they had you running around after them !
If you don't think that you will enjoy it, tell them and look for an alternative, possibly one that is cheaper - there are many other options such as a static caravan somewhere in this country that may well be just as enjoyable - or even 2 - one for you and your husband and one for the rest of the family . The second will be their responsibility to keep clean and leave tidy (just make sure that the booking agent has their contact details !)
As far as the bed wetting - you don't say how old GC is but there are pads, waterproof sheets, pull ups etc that they can use - any chemist will stock them. Take an old sheet to use rather than the one supplied and it will be up to them to do the laundry - since when has it been yours ?

I am so sorry to hear of your health problem.

In your place I would write now and cancel the holiday. Once I had confirmation of the cancellation, but not before, I would phone my son and tell him, if you have not already done so, about your current situation and that you have cancelled the holiday booking, as you have no strength and have to keep out of the sun.

I would do it this way, so there was no risk of being talked into letting them go on their own, as they obviously cannot be trusted to deal either with their bed-wetting child on their own, or with a holiday let.

If they should go in a huff about this, then it is just too bad. The important thing is your health, and your husband's.

I cannot understand why your family expect you to go to be honest nor do I think it's fair that they expect you to take the responsibility for the bedwetting, cooking, tidying up etc either.

Time to focus on yourself and I wish you well for your treatment.

I would have thought the family should know all the precautions they can take to make sure the bed and bed linen is protected from accidents? And why would it be Grandpa's responsibility to deal with any laundry from their child wetting the bed??
But maybe time to pause these holidays for mow. Why not help them find a different cottage that they can afford, with your help of you feel generous.

I hope your son knows the score about your illness. If he does, he will surely have to acknowledge that it's about time to organise his own family's holidays - especially if, as you suggest, you give him a contribution. It would be far too taxing for you to go with them from now on.

Cancel the holiday. That ship has sailed. Nice while it lasted. Sounds like no fun to me running around after messy people who are obviously using you.

I would say cancel too. Time to put yourself first and spend the money on something you and DH enjoy. Pull-ups available in quite large sizes and water-proof sheets too.

I’m so sad for you. I do hope that your health improves.

You need to put yourself and your husband first now,.
You cannot cope with more tiredness and stress .
If necessary,tell a white lie,and say that your Doctor has told you to rest quietly at home.
I send you good wishes.

My add is 10 and has urinary incontinence. She wears a nappy at night plus we use the huge inconvenience sheets too.

Would you enjoy the break if you and your husband went alone or go alone?
Is it possible to hire a wheelchair. At 42 with three kids I’d be lost without mine.
Personally I wouldn’t take the family this time. It sounds like you need a rest. Your family need to look after you not the other way around. As for paying for them to have a holiday, personally I wouldn’t. They need to learn to finance this themselves. It’s very nice of you to do this for all the years you have but don’t let them become reliant on you financially or for physical help.

I wouldn't go.
It doesnt sound at all relaxing for you, and that is what a holiday is all about.

Has you son applied for a disability living allowance for the child. This will help towards replacing bedding. Also the alarm should be free on NHS. My granddaughter was a bed wetter until a teenager. Her GP and consultant were very supportive. It is more common than we think.

Cancel, give your son some money Git a short break and do save some for yourself so you can have a break when you are feeling better. It’s time to look after yourself.

Why not go with just your husband? Tell your son and family you are too ill to have the stress of a family holiday.
Having been through chemo and immunotherapy, I understand how the side effects can make one feel. I had no hair last year when I went camping but had numerous lovely hats to wear, the big brimmed one was ideal for keeping the sun off. I have a sun umbrella that attaches to my folding chair for extra protection.
It was just so wonderful to get away for a week having been shielding for so long. Husband and son were brilliant pitching my tent, they are not naturals!!

Why not go to a holiday park like Center park or similar they offer various types of accommodation and you could get one that includes cleaning services.

Alternatively stay in a hotel, somewhere with a view, where you can, if you want, sit in a nice lounge with a panaoramic view over the sea, while the rest of the family go to the beach,

Search online for disability friendly holidays. These usually feature wheelchair accessible and similar properties, but they will probably include cleaning services and have a restaurant in the complex or nearby.
I am sure there is some solution possible.

Cancel.
This is time now for you and to do something to suit yourself, not having to consider other folk even beloved family members.
Have a restful break perhaps a weekend for two somewhere and relax.

Are the walks you mention suitable for a wheelchair ? You can obtain one on loan from Red Cross or ask your GP about an NHS one if your mobility is affected. I know it may not be your first choice - it wasn’t mine - but at least it would get you on the holiday and able to join in. Re- the bed wetting. There are disposable bed pads available to buy which can be used either under the sheet or directly under your GS, as they are a soft cotton like layer on top of the waterproof backing, so suitable for direct contact - available from Boots among other retailers.

Re the bed-wetting, if anyone does go, I’d take a waterproof mattress cover, so at least nobody would have to worry about the mattress.
I invariably have one on the double-bed mattress Gdcs share when staying, since Gds is not reliable at night - still wears a nappy but they can get sodden and leak!

I would cancel. Right now you need to look after yourself first and foremost. It doesn’t sound as if you or your DH would enjoy the holiday at the moment. Your son and family should understand in the circumstances.

Sorry to be so blunt but I would never have dreamt of letting my mum sort out such problems my kids had. It's ridiculous.

If it were me I'd just tell them that I don't feel up to it (and neither does your husband) so they'll need to sort out their own holiday this year and not to depend on you in future. In fact, show them your opening post on this thread then they've no excuse (should they be using one) for not understanding the reality of the situation for you.

And tell them to get a (or a couple of) mattress-protecting under or over sheets – there are ones you put on top of the sheet which can be washed and dried easily. Saves changing the bed. Pull-ups might be a good idea too.

Seems to me you haven't yet explained the problems to them. It's time to do that.

Instead of renting a house could you perhaps have a shorter holiday and stay in a hotel? Your son, dil and gc could have a family room which would keep the price down.