Not being looked in the eye when talking with someone

A friend's husband always spoke to the top of my right ear - it was annoying because it felt disrespectful (my stuff), but I've no idea why he did it (his stuff).

Kartush, it’s very different to stare at someone. We’re talking about looking them in the eyes. Very different to a stare.
If a person has not been raised to look in the eyes, it must be difficult.

It does not mean very much. I wouldn't worry about it.

Thank you OP that was very interesting.. the class thing I think the so called working class were often irritated by the falseness of polite conversation and would incline to be more blunt but basically if someone is charming which usually involves smiling and encouragement they will butter more parsnips.

I grew up with squint eyes. Although corrections were done in the form of eye patches and glasses, my eyes still do not function as you would like. Although I think I am looking you straight in the eyes, but my eyes are looking somewhere voer your shoulder and my head is facing you. Please do not judge me because of that. I have suffered all my life, especially in my childhood, teased, people taking my glasses away, called names like "four eyes". You would have no idea what it was like. Nowadays many children wear glasses, but way back then I was the only child with glasses, and the target for bullies.

Such an interesting topic. I have a friend who never looks directly at me when she’s talking but it’s because she is a person who just has to know everything that’s going on. Hence, her gaze is constantly roaming around in back of me, etc. It’s as if she knows she has my attention so she’s looking around to see what everyone else is doing lest she miss something interesting. So I’d say that a lot depends upon where the person is looking instead of at you! I study another language on Zoom and I find myself looking away from my instructor’s face when I’m struggling to think of a word.

Which would be fairly obvious. I don’t think this thread is about watching lips, but avoiding looking someone in the eye by looking away from them.

You will often find that people with hearing problems will watch lips rather than look into your eyes.

Really? I’m sure I’ve seen lots of pictures of her shaking hands with people and looking them straight in the eye.

If I’m not looked into my eyes I don’t trust the person who is talking at me (not talking with me).

The Princess of Wales was a typical example of someone who never looked anybody in the eye.

Dont be too harsh on people who cant look you straight in the eye, many cant for various reasons like having a squint, or another difficulty. I would have loved to look people straight in the eye but never could as I was born with a squint.

Another reason is if the person has hearing issues they may be lip reading.

I was just about to say that.
Windows to the soul, so they say.
I don't want people looking through my windows!

Personally I hate it when people talking to me stare into my eyes, that is something I reserve for people close to me.

Namsnanny

I either feel uncomfortable, or assume, rightly or wrongly that the other person is also feeling that way, and try to put them at ease (I have been labelled a 'people pleaser' before).

I think first- autism spectrum and if I rule that out...untrustworthy/ liar...if I rule that out...low self- esteem.

If not a medical reason then they are rude and find you boring. Used to have a SIL who did this to me all the time. Tried to be polite to me but her eyes gave her away, she had no interest in what is was saying.

I failed my nurse training interview because I didnt make enough eye contact with the two women who were conducting it.

To which could be added deferential, respectful, fearful of causing offence, fearful of seeming aggressive.

I’m with social awkward, shy, cultural, autism or lying or feeling in some other way uncomfortable !

In most of Asia you only look your equals or your inferiors in the eye when you talk to them, and you would never ever look a person of the opposite sex in the eye.

In Europe we have of course been told since childhood that it is disrespectful not to look at the person you are speaking to, so this business of where to look always causes problems between Asians and Europeans.

A lot of shy people in any culture would rather not look anyone in the eye, and as many of you mention many eye ailments can pose a problem too.

Unfortunately, we have been brought up to believe that not looking directly at the person addressing you is a sign of guilt or shiftiness, but it is really time we forgot this.

Who has said you are stupid?
Everyone had to fill in the UCCA form if they wanted to go to university. Did you not get your first choice? If so do you think that was because of your father’s occupation?

I was required to state my father's occupation on an UCCA form in the 1960s. I thought it unfair as it was my application. But I filled in the form and moved on. At that age I did not have my level of awareness of how discrimination works that I gradually learned as time went on. Oh don't seize on that as meaning discrimination about me.

I have not been asked by an employer.

I got a copy birth certificate because I did not want to risk damage or loss of the original. I had read of cases where a birth certificate had been returned with the word Checked and an employer's ink stamp on it. Also of the original postage stamp being removed.

Short form or long form are accepted.

I think that a long form copy was about three times the price of the short form one. I had the original, so no need to have a long form copy.

No attempt to hide anything, nothing irregular. Employers required to see and copy a Birth Certificate. That happened.

Also, when I got my occupational pension I had to send my birth certificate by post. So I sent a copy. No way was I going to send the original document issued when my birth was registered. That is conserved in the archive.

Just because I have a level of ntelligence and think about things does not mean that I am stupid.

I’m short sighted too. It’s extremely common and not classed as a disability. My father was blind. That is a disability. I will happily say someone is as blind as a bat, or as deaf as a post. I have epilepsy, a hidden disability, but have no objection to people saying they ‘almost had a fit’ over something or were ‘in fits of laughter’. It is everyday parlance, as is saying that something is ‘short sighted’. If you spend so much time worrying about causing some trivial offence it must be very difficult to converse at all. Most people have much thicker skins than you give them credit for.

I can't stop laughing at where an innocent question about eye contact has led us all to. There are some very deep Freudian implications here but I'm finding it fascinating.

The only person here who is remotely concerned about an employer questioning their father’s occupation is you, SD. No-one else here recalls ever having been asked to reveal this information to an employer, nor do they give two hoots about showing their birth certificate when required. You haven’t given an example of your having been asked for this information, nor of its provision having had any real or perceived effect on your career. This isn’t the sort of thing that one thinks about without having had reason (real or assumed) to hide one’s father’s details from the world. To go to the lengths of obtaining a short form birth certificate in order to hide details of your parents from the world is very strange. If you have something to hide, such as the man with less than £50 in his bank account (do you really think the postman would have been privy to this code or given a damn?) for heaven’s sake say so.