why do we say 'passed'?

Another Gandalf supporter.

Thank you Nannee49. There was a recent discussion here about how to explain death to children: where do we go? I wrote something there. Sure, death is the end of us human beings but we are comprised of energy which disperses into the atmosphere. In that respect we do pass from one form into another.

I get a tad irritable with these threads which claim indignantly that language is being used wrongly when it isn’t. It would be a sad day if we only had one utilitarian word for everything. Using a synonym for the stark, painful reality of a bereavement is a compassionate thing, surely? I use died but I wouldn’t complain if someone chose another word.

When ours pet are in incurable pain and we take them to the vet for the last time, what do we say? I’m having (or have had) my cat or dog killed or put to sleep? If we chose synonyms for the death of a pet why not for a human?

I use died too. Also cringe at “gone over the rainbow bridge” for when a pet has died but understand it is more comforting for the grieving owner.
In Nigeria they say “he/she has completed their assignment” which sums it up very well.

I totally agree with you Gandalf.

I’m firmly in the dead or died camp.
I had a disagreement in the undertakers office with my brother last month when I wanted to use died in the newspaper announcement. I had to back down and settle for passed away, turned out he couldn’t bring himself to say ‘died’ which I found really strange. The undertaker raised her eyebrows a bit at my bluntness.

I made a point of telling people my Dad had died, no euphemisms needed.

I had ‘passed away’ removed from an official work document and replaced with ‘died’ or ‘deceased’ on the grounds of clarity and not using euphemisms.
I work in healthcare and do occasionally have to deal with death in my professional role, but one of my colleagues just refuses to say died. Not sure why. I’ll have that conversation with her one day.

I don’t like ‘lost’ either. Confused me no end as a child. I always wondered if why people weren’t out looking for the person. It also worried me I might get lost and never be found again.
Too much room for confusion. It reminds me of a story of a man who wen into a bank and said to the cashier ‘I’ve lost my wife,’
The cashier didn’t catch on straight away and replied ‘don’t worry, she’s probably still at the shops, I’m sure she’ll be along soon for your appointment’
Just awful for everyone.

I also dislike how the term ‘stillborn’ has been replaced with ‘born sleeping’
Sadly a dead baby is not going to wake up. Very worrying for a child who may overhear this and worry about going to sleep themselves in case they don’t wake up.

Depends who talking to mostly say sorry for your loss but then most ppl avoid ppl who have lost a loved one as they don’t know what to say. Which is worse in my opinion.

I use died. I would though try to be sensitive to another's way of referring to a death.

Thanks for those references OakDryad they clearly show the alternate meanings for expressing condolence have been around and used for way longer than we think and are valid, non soft, non wimpy nor less correct than the blunt dead.

And while I agree that in the case of children the clarity of dead or died is appropriate, we're not children with a limited grasp of language.

Each to their own but equally so.

By not using the correct word, we confuse everyone including ourself as we tend to stay in denial longer. We should talk so much more about death, plan for death not just at the end but throughout our lives, to make sure we all know what matters most to us and our loved ones when the time comes and throughout our lives in general.

Late has been around for over 500 years too. Caxton used it in his translation of the the Aeneids. Her swete and late amyable husbonde.

"Yggdrasil" I am glad you brought this up. I always say "dead" or "died". When I first heard "passing" - which I did on a mainstream TV news channel, I was a bit perplexed. What did they mean? Then I realized what it meant. But why tidy it up? the person died, for God sake. But, as they say, "to each his own" whatever makes it easier for someone to come to terms with a death. "AGAA4"...that's quite funny!!

If someone is in the midst of grief due to a parent dying or stillbirth or neo Natal death and they refer to the death as "passed" or " born sleeping" you betcha I am going to use those same terms. I am not going to cause more possible distress because I don't like how they refer to death.
They are grieving they trump my feelings

I'm with aonk. These newfangled expressions are all part of this 'woke' attempt at re-organisation of everything we think, say and feel. My loved ones died, that means they no longer are among the living so are now dead . (I have no idea what they 'passed' on their way out!) Not a difficult concept to grasp, surely??

I prefer died/dead or even passed away, but Passed? I feel like asking what have they passed?

Isn’t it a daft Americanism?

Euphemism's are very annoying. When we are dead we are dead. I had all of this when my parents died and I'm sure it caused all kinds of problems and confusions with people not saying exactly what they meant.

If anyone uses a euphemism about my demise, I'll come back and haunt them!

Grantanow

The first time I saw 'passed' was in Alexander McCall Smith's novels about the Ladies' Detective Agency set in Botswana and I wondered if it was an African usage. But I've heard it since.

I thought the term he used was “late” as in “my father is now late”
Can be confusing but we also say “the late Mr So- and-so”

Like Rosalynd69 I always assumed it was the (much more religious) American term. Died is direct, clear and unambiguous so should be preferable, but people are so soft and wimpy these days that the concept of dying has to be hidden away, like the final act of our lives, out of sight.

We British try to avoid the word ‘dead’ and try to make the situation better by saying ‘passed’ - as if anything could make it better for the bereaved.

I’ve also heard the term ‘no longer with us’, or lost. I remember when I was a child the husband of a neighbour died, and when I saw her out walking I asked if she had found him.

Well - a person who has died has passed from our view and os no longer present. Passed away from our world. It's not a bad term. I don't believe in an afterlife, but the deceased person has definitely passed away from us. It can sound/feel kinder than saying "died", specially to the recently bereaved.

The first time I saw 'passed' was in Alexander McCall Smith's novels about the Ladies' Detective Agency set in Botswana and I wondered if it was an African usage. But I've heard it since.

I always say died because I once said passed and they looked out of the window to see if my uncle had drove passed the house! My explanation later seemed daft so I now say died.

When I’m no longer here, I’ve died.
Like OP I go get irked when we dilute the meaning.
I originally heard that someone had passed I thought they had passed in their car.
Everything just now is don’t upset folk. If we can’t get upset when a loved one dies, what hope for the future generation.
Died means died.

I'm afraid I am a Biologist and practical, so I just expect to be recycled and pass on my secondhand atoms to new lives of some sort.