My DD has moved back in with me but won’t make a decision about her abusive marriage

I think it’s alright to draw your own boundaries. I’ve seen similar patterns of behavior. There is, in my experience, nothing an outsider can do to break this cycle of returning to an unhealthy relationship until the person is willing to initiate the break him or herself. If I were you, I would think about what you can offer without burdening yourself - maybe it is cooking - and what you do not want to continue doing - perhaps being made to feel uncomfortable in your own home when she comes to stay. Then sit down with your daughter, explain you love her, and lay out what you can and cannot offer in support. She’s an adult now. If she wishes to stay with her husband, she needs to learn to handle the consequences of doing so without overly relying on others

She'll leave him when she's ready ,its not something you can `force.My late sister was in an abusive marriage for 30 years .Our family cajolled and bribed and tried everything in between to get her to leave him .Sadly she never did .
It has to be something she wants to do ,there are many women like my sister who are so attached emotionally to their abusers they cant let go.
I hope your daughter isn't one of them,just be patient with her she has taken the first step so hopefully she can do it permanently and leave for good .
I wish you all the luck in the world with this ,I know how it affected my parents and sisters ...and me .You feel helpless because you cant get the result thats needed ,just give her time .

Hi VioletSky - please don’t judge me. I am being supportive emotionally, financially and practically. I can’t help her move forward until she decides which way she wants to go and accepts help. She is seeing a Counsellor, organised by her sister, and she has a very strong network of family support. Please don’t criticise me for just being human and airing my frustration.

Hithere- no I do not have another post about communication issues with my daughter - she doesn’t have children.

Namsnanny- I am just trying to do my best, thanks

Sheesh! Well clearly it's all your fault for giving her a safe bolt hole.
Talk to her about what she sees as your position in all this, dont comment other than to be open to what she says.
All you can do is your best.
Good luck

OP

You already have a post about communication issues with a daughter with 2 kids in 2020 - is this the same daughter?
Nothing seems to have changed much

I am sorry but you don't sound very sympathetic. You know your daughter is having mental health issues but you arent respecting her feelings at all.

You say you want her out of this abusive relationship but then you make her unwelcome in your home which should be a safe space and talk about everything you do for her as if that comes with strings attached, when that should just come naturally.

The types of help you could get her are suppott with counselling, support to regain financial independance and her own place support to rebuild her life in a way that doesnt leave her trapped between two sitiations where she can only be unhappy with him or unhappy with you.

1. Does she have professional support to recognize what abuse is?
2. "She accused me of lacking empathy. I’m doing my best, being sympathetic, hugging, cooking, washing her clothes but that doesn’t seem enough."

What does she consider empathy? Have you talked about what kind of help she needs from you?
Cooking and washing her clothes is something she can do for herself, right?