Discussing problems with neighbours

I am amazed that in this day and age children are allowed to play out in the street, hard luck on the neighbour, however, she doesn't own the street outside her house. Considering most children are stuck on a phone this makes an interesting change. What is the person going to say to the neighbour nobody is doing anything wrong.

Why on earth would you be rude or damage property?

Children play. If they are lucky they get to play outside. They won't do it for long because they'll grow up, get other interests and move on.
Sounds like an occasion to put the headphones on to me.

It seems to me the response to anything that offends or upsets anyone these days is inclined to be aggressive. People seems to have lost the ability to talk to one another or to find a solution that doesn't involve aggression and vengeance. Hence the term 'road rage' which is also felt in so many other aspects of life. I would never advocate 'getting your own back' as it will lead to arguments and possibly a tragic outcome.

I agree the best thing is to just suck it up and wait until the children decide to do something else. That might be next week! The parents may take offence and the children could make their lives hell. Children can easily do that if they take a dislike to you.

I read that thread. I think the neighbour is bonkers. Children should be allowed to play out. It doesn't sound as though they are exclusively in front of her place, but rather just happen need to go past in order to get anywhere.

People are too precious about the space in front of their houses that they do not own.

We once lived next door to a couple who were fairly hostile to children. They had none of their own and once insisted our children were always "spying" on them. It was a 6ft brick wall between us but we did have a climbing frame and another area where you could look over if you wanted to. The climbing frame was used a lot so I tried to check what was going on by asking the children "what mr and mrs x were doing today" - they never knew and generally hadn't even seen them in the garden.

I remember when I was a child, and our next door neighbour used to tell us to play outside our own house. We were . We lived in a street with a private path between the two facing rows of houses, which was safe for children to play. There would be my sister, me, the children opposite and sometimes cousins or other visitors. I don't think we screamed and yelled (my mum wouldn't have allowed it), but we wouldn't have been quiet, as children aren't.

As an adult, I can understand that it would be annoying to have children playing for long periods. I like to have peace in my own home, just as Mrs Nextdoor would have done back then.

There has to be compromise though. Maybe the young family could agree that there would be no noise before 11 and none after 3pm, or something - the hours could be agreed between the neighbours. That way, if the older person wants to settle down with her favourite TV show and a cup of tea, she can do it without being annoyed that she can't hear it, and the young ones would know that they weren't being a public nuisance.

Can't be done without communication, though. And good will on both sides.

My house fronts onto a pedestrianised street. We have a mix of young families and older people (as the older people die, families are moving in. It was all oldies when I bought). As a result, the street is often full of children, aged 2 up to about 10. Running, cycling, playing football, screaming, laughing. My DGS lives with me and loves it.

I hope the elderly people don't mind. But honestly, it could be a bunch of yobs. Instead, it's happy kids. And they can always go to the back of their houses to get away from the noise.

And as I said it doesn't pay to antagonise children. They will see you as a target and that could be even worse when they become teenagers. Keep it buttoned and don't draw attention to yourselves.

I agree Chestnut.
Another thought I've had recently on this topic is that young children - 5-12 - are much more 'hyper' than in the past. I was in the town centre this pm . Sitting and people-watching.
It's half term and the young children were all over the place -bouncing skipping jumping running etc. like young lambs.
Maybe they're just better fed than in my youth so have more energy. I feel sorry for their parents and teachers though.

Summerlove

I read that thread. I think the neighbour is bonkers. Children should be allowed to play out. It doesn't sound as though they are exclusively in front of her place, but rather just happen need to go past in order to get anywhere.

People are too precious about the space in front of their houses that they do not own.

I got the impression the children were around the corner, out of sight of their parent and using the area in front of her house to scoot around. Not just flying past every now and again. And the mother herself vadmitted that perhaps they were noisy and were out there for about 3 hours across the day.

Either way, no need for rudeness and aggression.

ps a bit like your post GagaJo.

I don't think the complaining neighbour was an elderly woman.

i grew up in a tenement house that had about 200 houses all joined together with a large back court that stretched to every house, we played happily without bothering the neighbours but i am now in a small 4 storey block of flats that had rules when i moved in that children had to be 16 plus, now it is all families and loads of children who all play at the front of the building, probably about 20 primary school age, the constant screaming and shouting means no open widows or veranda door, saturday night they were still there at 10.30, we have a buzzer door that they always break, litter all over the foyer and cheeky remarks to people going in and out of the building, it was even worse during lockdown with some of the parents sitting drinking.

Vintagejazz

I don't think the complaining neighbour was an elderly woman.

I'm not sure that it matters.

Wherever we live, unless it is in a remote croft or something, we have to share space, and people should be considerate. There are shift workers, people with babies, insomniacs, those who are ill - lots of people want a bit of peace in their own homes. It's not unreasonable to want to be able to lie in if you want to, or to watch or listen to something on TV or radio without a lot of noise spoiling it.

Similarly, children need to play, and to run off excess energy, which is where the compromise comes in. My children weren't allowed outside until 9.00am (including in the garden) and weren't allowed to scream at any time. If they got too loud I warned them, and the third time I went out they were brought indoors, or I would take them to the park where they could run around and make as much noise as they liked. My current NDNs have four children, and they are all sent out into the garden (directly below my bedroom) in the morning, presumably when the parents are getting showered and ready for work. The noise can be really bad, and as an insomniac I find it often starts a couple of hours after I've finally nodded off.

I don't mind them playing in the garden after school, and manage to grit my teeth when they run up and down the uncarpeted stairs, shouting at one another; but it really annoys me when I am woken up at 7.00 by their shouting.

If they are not on your property or damaging it I would let them be. I love to see them enjoying themselves, childhood is fleeting and they have been cooped up enough. Tolerance is needed and to think back to when you were young. Put your headphones on if it distracts you,

As my 90 something year old neighbour once told me, when I said let me know if the children ( teens ) are too noisy she said ‘my dear I love hearing them I know I m still alive

Two doors up from me the kids have a pool or something in the garden every good weather day they are screaming and shouting sometimes crying the other side of me the boys have a big trampoline and a football I love hearing them like my long gone old neighbour I know I m alive we re very quite when we ve gone

BlueBelle I agree with you. When I moved into this house the neighbour one side called in to say her grandchildren would be visiting and playing in the garden and hoped they wouldn't disturb me - told her not to worry as there is nothing better than the sound of children laughing. A couple of doors up they have a trampoline in the garden - children have been playing on it for hours, laughing and shouting - not a problem for me at all

I disagree about children suddenly being louder or worse. I was a nanny as a teenager and it almost put me off having children. The constant noise and boisterousness did my head it and made me wonder why anyone wanted children.

I take my DGS out everyday for 2 or 3 hours, to let him run off some of his energy somewhere safe. He really needs it. He loves playing with his friends out front too, but that isn't as rip roaring as at the park.

BlueBelle

As my 90 something year old neighbour once told me, when I said let me know if the children ( teens ) are too noisy she said ‘my dear I love hearing them I know I m still alive

Two doors up from me the kids have a pool or something in the garden every good weather day they are screaming and shouting sometimes crying the other side of me the boys have a big trampoline and a football I love hearing them like my long gone old neighbour I know I m alive we re very quite when we ve gone

Screaming, shouting and crying for a few minutes now and again -fine. All day anytime the sun shines -very annoying.
As Doodledog said, a bit of mutual consideration and compromise is important in built up areas.

I mean, I know I'm alive if I hear the neighbours having a party at 1am. Doesn't mean I'm happy about it.

I know that around 3.30 pm, a nearby three-year-old will kick off with a horrendous screaming tantrum - almost every single day. (It must be the time he gets tired and overwhelmed.)

If the weather's good, I just have to come indoors, before it starts. It really upsets me to hear him so distressed - and I do sympathise, as he's non-verbal with autism. Still, I'm annoyed by the noise disturbance too -being only human.

What I simply can't fathom, though, is why his family don't take him indoors before he exhaust himself into a sobbing mess.