Worried about going abroad because of leaving my dog

The OP was a wind-up. Nobody would consider putting their dog before their daughter and new grandchild. At least I hope not.

Thank you MayBee70. He’s a smashing dog. His mum is a cocker spaniel x Jack Russell and his dad a toy poodle (tho I can’t see where the poodle is!). We just fell in love with his face and he chose us when we went to view.

GSM and BB - He’s not a ‘designer’ dog - I’m always being asked what breed he is and that’s what he is. His ‘outfit’ if you can call a hat, bandana and bow tie an outfit, was just to celebrate his special day and he loved all the fuss and attention. Other than that, he a coat when it’s really cold (winter) and we take him out.

Kate1949

The OP was a wind-up. Nobody would consider putting their dog before their daughter and new grandchild. At least I hope not.

They are not putting their dog first, they are putting themselves first. Stress and anxiety will make this a miserable time if they are worrying. It's only for three months, what's the big deal?

OK. Well we're all different. I would always put my children and grandchildren before myself. Hey ho.

You really need to address your anxiety issues Secretsquirrel as they are being transmitted to your little dog. Neither of you should be so co-dependent. Unless you get sone help with this nothing will change.
I have two rescue dogs at the moment and they are in kennels with the cat until we return from USA. I think there has to be some balance in a life with pets so we all can be happy. Our animals restrict us to some extent if we plan days out as we never leave them for more than four hours. If necessary we have friends who will call in and check they are ok etc.

Sensible post sodapop The dog is picking up on her mistresses anxiety and is uncomfortably reliant on her and this needs addressing whether she goes to see the baby or not
Hope it never happens but what if you were taken ill squirrel and had to be in hospital your dog would go to pieces just like with a child the best gift you can give an animal is the ability to live happily without you

Sunshinesally I think he looks a delightful dog but he’s not a cockerjackapoo* he’s a beautiful crossbreed or mongrel the best sort to have in my opinion

Sunshine sally - he’s a cracker, don’t be put off by the folks who dismiss ‘designer dogs’. Yes, there are too many, being churned out by irresponsible breeders with no care about health or temperament in the parent dogs. They only care about making money. That said, some poodle crosses are delightful happy very intelligent little dogs who bring joy
I really dislike dressing dogs up, find it humiliating. Also dislike this trend to put water proofs or fleeces on them. Whippets. Grey hounds may need a coat in winter. Spaniels, cocker crosses etc do not.

I have never liked going abroad for a holiday, so found my KC Spaniels a wonderful excuse!
We had holidays where we could take the dog. Holidays are not the be all and end all, are they?

Completely get it, however it something you have to resolve and you can. Speak with a local behaviourist and find either a house sitter or someone who homes temporarily. Kennels are not the answer.

It’s not about the holiday though biz it’s about a poor dog who needs to be able to function and enjoy life without being tied anxiously to one person loyalty is lovely and often found in dogs to a particular owner but although they may not be bounding with happiness away from them this poor dog cannot even go for a walk with the lady’s husband it’s stree levels are so high
Totally agree Iam64 as you see in my previous post I said the dog looked wonderful but he’s a crossbreed not a crockajackerpoo why be ashamed of a crossbreed they are usually the best why does he need a made up designer name to verify him that’s the bit I don’t get
I agree with you about the coats people put on their dogs when taking them out they have their own coat they are NOT humans in need of insulation outdoor

We have never put any of our dogs in kennels but it hasn't stopped us from taking holidays without them. We have someone who comes in to look after the dog. I don't expect her to stay every night or spend the whole day in the house but she sticks to our routine of walking and feeding and I trust her completely. However, our dog is used to being in the house on his own although we are both retired and usually one of us is in, he has been trained to accept that we come and go without him and it's no big deal. It's never too late to train and tbh it is in the dog's interests. He also doesn't like us to separate if we go out for a walk together, likes to have his little "pack" with him but I find a few treats in my pocket and being prepared to stand my ground works wonders! In your post you say you are intending to go for a couple of weeks? Not sure if this is with your OH, but if you are both going, I'd look for a recommended house sitter/dog sitter, make sure the dog knows them start to use them before you travel. Good luck. My neighbour has a "lockdown" dog with dreadful separation anxiety but she comes to stay with us occasionally and she's fine, settles in very quickly.

BlueBelle I mostly agree about coats. In cold weather our dog races about so much she’s warm enough without, like the joggers who speed past in spandex when I’ve got multi layers on.
When it’s pouring down, which it often does for days at a time, I have a choice of keeping her in, dragging her unwilling body along - and she has made me do that, or putting a cover on her. She just doesn’t like heavy rain unless she’s got a coat on, despite happily showering with me!

I can totally agree with the poster. I would perhaps get a “force free” dog trainer/behaviourist in for help anyway to encourage your dog to go out with other people. That would be a huge step forward generally.
Many new mothers have to cope without their own mothers. No-one was able to see my premature twin daughters for at least 3months and somehow I and they have survived. Again when my daughter gave birth by caesarean we couldn’t visit due to caring responsibilities for my mil. We all have to make decisions in life. Good luck with whatever you decide.

You are right to worry. I still regret leaving my GSD in a boarding kennel for 3 weeks during spring 2002 as I had to have a major operation. I believe this needy dog never recovered her sanity after being abandoned by me. My other GSD was okay in the boarding kennel where he socialised with other dogs. I'd not abandon a dog unless I really had to, and certainly not for a silly holiday abroad.

You and me both. I had no choice but to leave my last rescue GSD in a very carefully chosen kennels (some I saw were awful, empty water bowls and pitiful staring eyes, I could have wept) when we travelled a long distance to my son’s wedding. She would have been welcome there but it was too far for her to travel comfortably. I was so very pleased to see her again and will never forget the look on her face when we collected her at the first possible minute. She obviously thought she’d been dumped again, as I feared. Dear girl, miss her so much.

I totally understand your problem, Secretsquirrel1

We've had dogs for years but now one of ours is nervous, needy and neurotic. People think that if you train a dog properly these problems shouldn't arise. It's a load of nonsense. Dogs have their own characters. Some breeds are needier than others.

I know how you feel because we've not gone abroad this year and I don't know if we'll ever go again! Not a problem really, we've travelled extensively for years so we're happy to go away on this country.

I can't give you any advice I'm afraid!

As for your gorgeous dog, SunshineSally Just beautiful. And so dapper. We too have what some people would call a designer dog. However she's nothing of the sort. A young YT took a fancy to a JR and the rest is history. The pups ended up being taken to a rescue and we were so lucky to get her.

There is nothing humiliating about popping a hat and scarf on for a photo. There are so many dogs in the country that need homes. Looks like your little chap has a lovely life.

Hi Secretsquirrel

I understand your dilemma too.
As you have a few months to go, I was wondering whether you might build up some experience of leaving the dog with your OH? Maybe you could gradually build up to an overnight stay away? Even if you don’t make it abroad during the 3 months, your daughter would know that you are getting ready to stay over when she gets back with the baby.

It may be that the dog clings to the OP due to its own anxiety rather than picking up on hers. As Zoejory says, some dogs are needy by nature and you can’t train them to be otherwise. Like humans, some have fragile mental health and other than a mild sedative for a visit to the vet if they find it very stressful, all you can do is to give them love, security, routine and a calm life.

Neediness in GSDs is the other side of their extreme loyalty. Neediness is sometimes a matter of the dog's breed or its biology , not lack of training.

I agree with posters who refer to dogs arriving with their own personality. Breed / dna can influence, as can early life experiences in key developmental stages but as with children, each has his or her personality. We can help by providing safe, secure, loving routines and care. Each dog or puppy has helped me learn ways to help the next arrival

Very true Caleo. This sometimes manifests itself as over-protectiveness of one person to the extent that it will not allow anyone else near that person. Fortunately this hasn’t happened with any of our GSDs.

I don’t dispute anything that’s been said, but I do think it’s really important to both the person and the dog for inter-dependence not to prevent you having a life away from each other. If it’s handled well, finding an alternative place of safety and fun for your dog is possible for every dog. I wonder if the dog can be used as an excuse if you are of a nervous disposition yourself, but if it is that’s an obstacle it must be overcome so you can live a full life - which for me would include being able to visit my grandchild as soon as I possibly could - but might include a family crisis, you being admitted to hospital, or whatever.

Secretssquirrell Battersea dogs home and the Blue Cross have lots of help online. Why not have a look? My neighbour has taken on an older dog because it's elderly owner died. He had a lots of issues including separation anxiety but with patience and kindness the dog has become much more confident and is happy to be left. When they say "you can't teach an old dog, new tricks" it's just not true but it may take longer than with a puppy. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Separation anxiety can usually be overcome quite easily.

As some of you know may know,l have a very needy Border collie.
He is almost 11 now and has developed dementia. I now have to sleep downstairs with him.
He is a rescue, he has always been an anxious dog and is now even more so.
I do not put him above my son or grand daughter but he is my responsibility and l love him.
He has no one else except my husband and l.
He cannot be left in kennels. He will not be walked by anyone else except myself now. Sometimes he will let my husband take him.
We cannot go on holiday anymore as he has severe arthritis.
Of course we would like breaks with our family but we chose to take him on 10 years ago and you take the good with the bad. He has given us so much love all these years it has been worth it.